The Abbreviated Week In Ink: July 10, 2008

Right. First things first…



Okay, now that that’s out of the way, about these reviews that I usually do on Thursday nights… I’m just gonna go ahead and not do any this week.

Yeah yeah, I know, but the fact of the matter is that a late comics day always throws me off, so I’m just going to put on my Procrastination Hat and blow it off ’til next week. After all, while I’ve picked up everything from this week…



…I haven’t actually read anything aside from Amazing Spider-Man, which was fun, Captain Britain and MI13, which was awesome, and what I think might actually be the first appearance of Arm Fall-Off Boy of the 21st Century. And really, folks: You can probably just fill in the blanks this time, so let’s just assume that this week’s issue of The Goon was really good and had some parts that were funny and some parts that were scary.

There are, however a couple of things that I wanted to mention.

First up, The Batman Strikes! #47. If you read Rachelle Goguen’s Living Between Wednesdays–and you should, she’s great–then you’ve probably already seen this one, but in this issue, writer and Friend of the ISB Josh Elder, of Mail Order Ninja fame, cast Rachelle, Dave Campbell and Randy Lander as cops in the GCPD. Rachelle’s got the panel up at her blog, and while I’ll admit that she’s got the best job out of the four of us, I would like to point out that while I get to gear up the SWAT team, Campbell pretty much just gets to dial the phone for Jim Gordon.

Long-time readers will no doubt realize that this is a pretty momentous occasion for me, as it means that I am now in-continuity in three–count ’em, threecomics universes, which beats even Access by a good margin.

And no, smart-guy, despite the resemblance, the hefty, unshaven guy on the left isn’t me, it’s Harvey Bullock. Both Phil and my mother assumed otherwise.

This would be because Phil and my mother are jerks.

If your need for fresh Sims content needs something a little more tangible, though, I’d suggest this:



In addition to having a cover and interview featuring ISB Celebrity Crush Blair Butler–as opposed to the last issue, which featured a cover and interview featuring ISB Celebrity Crush Matt Fraction–there are few bits of never-before-seen comedy from yours truly on Page 22 in the time-honored Funny List format.

I’ve mentioned before that I think Tim Leong is doing some great stuff with his magazine, which talks about comics in a way that usually manages to be funny, smart and charming, and I’m glad I could be a part of it, even if it’s brief.

Er, by which I mean that my contribution’s brief–it tops out at a mere 151 words, and spacewise only takes up around 0.39% of the magazine–not that I’m going to be the kiss of death for CF that I was for the late, lamented CRACKED. Man. That went from triumphant to depressing pretty quick.

Probably best to start over. Short version: New issue of Comic Foundry‘s out, it’s good, I wrote something for it, it’s short, Blair Butler’s a Pretty Girl.

Now go read some comics, wouldja?

Your Spidey Super Stories Moment of Joy

And now, the ISB proudly presents the final Spidey Super Stories Moment of Joy. Jim Salicrup’s allegedly educational masterpiece has given us a lot of joy over the past year, from the Thanoscopter to Webby-Two and so many candidates for the greatest panel of all time, but with the final scene from #31, the ISB says goodbye to the greatest comic book ever printed.

I give you… The Star Jaws.









Now cracks a noble heart. Good-night, sweet prince;
And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.
William Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act V, Scene 2

Chris vs. Previews: June 2008, Round Two

Huh. Who would’ve thought that a guy known mostly for a love of comics featuring kicks to the face and high-stakes trucking adventure would have to explain why Strangers in Paradise wasn’t his cup of tea?

Oh well, probably best to just move on, and since I’ve already dealt with the major publishers, tonight belongs to the back half of this month’s Previews! And while I’d normally kick things off with one of the egregiously bad shirts from the apparel section, I’ve got to admit…



…that’s a pretty awesome shirt. And unlike “Spongerine” over here…



…it doesn’t even have one of those weird-ass names. So it looks like you win this time, Previews Apparel Section. This time.

Oh well, I’ve still got the rest of the catalog. Now let’s get to it!



P. 196 – You’ll All Be Sorry MMPB: Back before Wonder Woman, The All-new Atom, Deadpool, and pretty much everything except maybe Killer Princesses, superstar writer and justified Internet darling Gail Simone wrote a column on Comic Book Resources called “You’ll All Be Sorry!” And as you might expect if you’ve read any of her comics, it’s fantastic.

I came to the column well after she’d moved on, since I first heard of her on Deadpool and then worked backwards, but I’ve since read through the archives twice, and as someone who attempts to write funny things about comics on the Internet before giving up and deciding to just post a few panels from Devil Dinosaur, I found myself not only entertained, but constantly jealous that I hadn’t thought of her jokes first. It’s highly entertaining stuff, and it’s well worth picking up a hard copy.


P. 249 – The Boys Definitive Edition (High End Edition): So, just to review here: This is a five hundred dollar collection of a comic book whose lead characters start the series by kicking the shit out of a super-hero with a gerbil in his ass.

What a country.


P. 264 – Mercy Sparx #0: Wait a second… Mercy Sparx… Wasn’t she in Huckapoo?


P. 286 – High School Musical v.1 GN: Gather round, children. It’s story time.

So in August of last year, I went up to Charlotte for my pal Brandon’s birthday party and–long story short–I had way, way too much to drink. This in and of itself wasn’t the problem; I’m generally a pretty pleasant drunk, except for that one time at HeroesCon ’05 where I told my friends they were jerks and then announced that I wanted to fight the Luna Brothers. No, the problem came later, when I decided that I was hungry and that it would be a good idea to eat an entire rotisserie chicken that Brandon had in his refrigerator, so I pulled it out and started gnawing on it, telling everyone within earshot that it made me feel like Conan.

Needless to say, this was actually not a good idea. It was not a good idea at all. I’d never been sick from drinking in my life, but cut to an hour later and I’m hunched over in Brandon’s bathroom, hallucinating Golduck, thinking that I am literally going to die and wondering what I’ve been doing not sleeping on cold tile floors for my entire life because they feel so so good.

The next day wasn’t that great either–Brandon insisted on eating a rotisserie chicken when we went out for breakfast, since I’d stolen his–and by the time I got home that night, I was ready to just crawl onto the couch and let the healing rays of television wash over me. And those rays, my friends, came from the Pop-Up Video edition of High School Musical.

Longtime readers will no doubt recall my affinity for teen melodrama, so it should be no surprise that ever since, I’ve had a mild fascination with the series and its all-encompassing media juggernaut, and now that it’s coming to comics, I’m freakin’ stoked. I mean, this thing could be the next Dark Xena!

Incidentally, the Dark Xena trade’s solicited on p. 253. You know, just in case you wanted to read the best comic ever.


P. 319 – Galaxy Quest: Global Warning #1: And now, a scene from the IDW Head Offices. As we open, Chet, a dashing young executive, is hanging up the phone as his boss, Ted, enters from left.

TED: Well?

CHET: Just got off the phone with Devil’s Due. Looks like they got the license for Bionic Commando after all. I wonder how they’ll do a comic about a guy who can’t jump…

TED: Damn. Well, that settles it then. That was the absolute last licensed property on the market.

CHET: Actually, boss, there’s a couple more that just came up.

TED: Yeah? What are they?

CHET: Well, you remember that Tim Allen movie from like ten years ago?

TED: The Santa Clause?! Chet, we could get that into Disney stores and make mil–

CHET: No, the other one. The Star Trek parody, Galaxy Quest. Funny stuff. It had Alan Rickman in it.

TED: Well… yeah, but… it’s not exactly timely, is it? I mean, sure, it’s a fun movie but it’s not like there’s anything out there to generate interest for it.

CHET: Well, it’s either that or Pink Lady & Jeff.

TED: Huh. Is Adam Hughes still under contract with DC?

CHET: Yup.

TED: Galaxy Quest it is.


P. 366 – Street Fighter Remix #0:



With as much as I like video games and as much as I like comics, you’d think that comics about video games would be a slam dunk, but more often than not, that’s just not the case. I mean, I finally got around to reading the Marc Andreyko Castlevania mini-series a few months ago, and you know what’s not in it? The Castle. There’s no castle… in Castlevania. Seriously, how hard is that? It’s right in the fuckin’ name. Might as well have been Castlevania 2.

Ken Sui-Chong’s Street Fighter, on the other hand, suffers from no such shortcomings. There are streets, there is fighting, and for more than that, no man can ask.




P. 483 – Terminator 2 Plasma Rifle 1/2 Scale Replica:



I don’t know how it is at other comic book stores, but at my job I’m always having to deal with Austrian bodybuilders who wander in asking for a phased plasma rifle in the forty watt range, and up ’til now, my response has always been to tell them that it’s just what you see, pal. Next time, however, I’ll be able to meet the demands of the consumer and help to bring about Judgment Day!

Thanks, Previews!



And on that apocalyptic note, we bring another Previews to a close. As always, questions, concerns, Huckapoo tour dates or any good hangover remedies that I can take to Brandon’s next birthday party–can be left in the comments section below. I’ve heard Jeeves has this concoction of Worcestershire Sauce…