And Now…

…A conversation I had with myself on Twitter entitled “Remember That Time There Was a Character In The DC Universe Named Hella?”



“You know, these days they give a lot of terrible comic book characters very peculiar names!”

“Strange names?”

“Yes, unusual names!”

“Like who?”

“Like this character. Now this character Hella sucks.”

“Which character?”


“Yeah I heard you, which character hella sucks?”

“The one from Nightwing.”

“Fine, which character from Nightwing sucks?”

“Hella! Hella sucks!”


“You’re not listening! The character… HELLA… sucks.”

“The character hella sucks.”


“Yes what?”

“Yes, Hella sucks!”

“Oh I don’t think so, I like ‘Owner of a Lonely Heart,’ but that’s not what we’re talking about.”



“What do you mean yes?!”

“Yes what?”

“Yes hella sucks. That’s what you think anyway.”

“YES! I DO think Hella sucks!”

“You think WHAT hella sucks?”

“I don’t know!”


I Need Eight Gryffindors

“Now I don’t know about y’all, but I didn’t come out of Number 4 Privet Drive and jump out a fuckin’ flying Ford Anglia to teach dark wizards lessons in charms. Dark wizard ain’t got no charms. They’re the foot-soldiers of a muggle-hatin’ mass-murderin’ maniac and they need to be destroyed.”



“That’s why every sonofabitch we find wearin’ a Death Eater mask, they’re gonna die. We will be cruel to the dark wizard and through our cruelty they will know who we are. They will find the evidence of our cruelty in the Imperiused, Crucioed and Avada Kedavraed bodies of their brothers we leave behind us. And the dark wizards will not be able to help themselves from imagining the cruelty their brothers endured at our hands, at our quidditch bats, and at the ends of our wands.”



“But I got a warnin’ to all would-be aurors. You join Gryffindor and you take on a debit, a debit that you owe me personally. Each and every student in my house owes me one hundred Death Eater scalps. And I want my scalps. And all y’all will get me one hundred Death Eater scalps, taken from the heads of one hundred dead Death Eaters.”



“Or you will die tryin’.”



Inspired by. And Kevin did it first.