Tony Stark! Makes you feel! That he’s gonna kick you in the face with a jet-boot!
Yeah, my songwriting could probably use some work, but hey! At least the comics reviews are delivered on time and in an easily digestible format!
That’s right, folks: With the Labor Day delay in comics–unless you’re some kind of Godless Heathen Canadian–time’s short and I only just finished reading through this week’s books myself, so tonight, I’m trying something a little different. After all, while I have been accused of offering “blunt, authoritatively stated” reviews, brevity is the soul of wit, so tonight, I’m going to be summing up my thoughts on this week’s titles in one sentence. Or, you know, two if you count the alt text. Either way, it all adds up to another round of the Internet’s Most Concise Comics Reviews!
Here’s what I bought this week…
…and away we go!
Amazing Spider-Man #570: It’s hard to tell since this is a franchise that has given us the Enforcers, the White Rabbit, Golden Oldie and Banjo, but I’m pretty sure that for sheer bat-shit crazines to actual enjoyability ratio, Anti-Venom–the former host of Venom who was infected with Negative Antibodies that gave him the ability to cure cancer with his tentacles–is at least in the top five.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer #18: In tonight’s episode of Joss Whedon: Feminist, Willow unleashes a spell of such epic proportions that it can only be completed by getting naked for a stirring round of lesbian sex, which explains why it was taken off the curricula at both Hogwarts and Miss Cackle’s.
Fables #75: According to a conversation I had with Matt Sturges at HeroesCon, the story that finishes up in this week’s issue of Fables was actually the planned ending Bill Willingham had for the book that he just decided to go ahead and do without actually ending the darn thing, which sounds crazy but–since this is Fables–ends up working out pretty well.
Invincible Iron Man #5: In addition to a healthy dose of Jet-Boot Face-Kicking and Laser-Beam Decapitation, this issue of Invincible Iron Man also boasts… well, it’s got Jet-Boot Facekicking and Laser-Beam Decapitation, and what the hell more do you want from Iron Man than that?
Iron Man: Golden Avenger: Hey, aside from the fact that they, you know, want it to sell better, is there any reason this issue of Marvel Adventures Iron Man doesn’t say “Marvel Adventures Iron Man” on the cover?
Marvel Apes #1: Hey, if you’ve ever wondered what JLApe would be like if it was a) like ten times better, b) involved a gorilla luchadore (or Gorilluchadore™), and c) took a swerve into hardcore gangland style murder at the end, then brother, have I got the comic for you.
ISB BEST OF THE WEEK
Savage Dragon #137: I’ve never been a big Savage Dragon reader–although when I knocked out the first
Essential Archive on a slow day at work, I enjoyed the heck out of it–but I jumped on this issue for an appearance by the Amazing Joy Buzzards, and was pleasantly surprised to find what are probably the two greatest panels of the year:
Secret Six #1: Despite the fact that Gail Simone has done me the grievous insult of not following me on Twitter-even though she’s following Kevin and Ken and a bunch of other people that I can only classify as “unsavory louts”–I still tend to enjoy her comics, especially the ones where Deadshot and Cat-Man buy ice cream and beat up skinheads.
Street Fighter Remix #0: Only two kicks to the face in the whole damn book, but since a bear does catch a Spinning Piledriver from Zangief, I think we can call it a draw.
Impossible Territories: The Unofficial Companion to the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: The Black Dossier: True Fact: While Dr. K is acknowledged in the foreword as a contributor to Jess Nevins’ fascinating annotations, I, who inspired Nevins with my own annotations of the Anita Blake comics*, am totally snubbed.
*: This is 100% not true.
INVASION!: No, your eyes do not deceive you: The cover to DC’s best crossover now reads “SECRET NO MORE,” and that is genius.
And that, my friends, is the rather abbreviated week. As always, any one-sentence questions or comments you might have, such as assuring me that I’m not the only person in the world who picked up Al Jaffee’s absolutely fantastic Tall Tales can be left in the comments section below.
Seriously, though: Gorilluchadore. Call me, Marvel.