Ice Skating Uphill: Blade (1998), Part Two

 

 

It’s Halloween, and since I’m banking on the idea that people are excited for action stories about vampires, I hope you enjoy the second half of ComicsAlliance’s review of Blade, featuring me and David Uzumeri plowing through Marvel’s first big cinematic success. I take the script to task for not being able to make up its mind on what this whole vampire thing is about, but all is forgiven in a single amazing line.

Captain America: The First Avenger

 

 

Last night, I went directly from the airport to the movie theater so that today, I could bring you my review of Captain America: The First Avenger! I enjoyed it — which is actually kind of surprising considering how wiped out I was after Five Nights of the Beast. I will say, though, as great as Chris Evans was in the title role, I think I thought it was more interesting than it was good, if that makes any sense.

And if it doesn’t, well, go read the article. You think I’m going to spend another two thousand words on this stuff? Get outta here.

Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon Is Not Very Good

 

 

If you aren’t already aware that Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon is a terrible movie, then there’s probably not much I can do to help you. But since my boss enjoys seeing me suffer, I did write 2600 words explaining how and why this movie makes no sense and everyone in it is an asshole.

And as an added bonus, please enjoy the comments section, where you will see in graphic detail why I turned them off here.

The ComicsAlliance Summer Movie Roundup

 

 

On the off chance that you didn’t get enough of me bitching about movies in this week’s installment of Remedial Batmanology, you’re in for a treat: Today, I’ve written up my thoughts on this summer’s upcoming comic book movies!

And even better, Laura gave me free reign to just go ahead and write whatever I want, which means that I decided to keep myself interested by ranking the movies on a unit of measurement I invented — a replacement for the ISB’s venerable Sonny Hooper scale — known as The Statham. Believe it.