Yokai Monsters: Spook Warfare

 

 

I don’t know how it is for you guys, but when people recommend movies to me, it’s never “oh hey, you should see this, it’s really good,” it’s always “hey, you should watch this, it’s the weirdest damn thing I’ve ever seen.”

Such was the case with 1968’s Yokai Monsters: Spook Warfare, a truly surreal children’s movie based on Japanese folklore that I’ve reviewed today over at ComicsAlliance. The above scene from the trailer is a pretty accurate summary, but trust me, it gets even weirder.

Nuclear Pianos and Rubber Ears: The 1990 Captain America Movie

 

 

As you may have heard, there’s a Captain America movie coming out later this year, and in what might be the most inexplicable promotional move ever, Disney is planning to hype that up by releasing a director’s cut of Cap’s last cinematic effort, a 1990 film starring Matt Salinger that was shelved for two years before being released to VHS.

You can probably see where this is going.

Yes, that’s right: Once again it has fallen to me to review a piece of cinema obsucra, and in the grand tradition of Marmaduke and Jonah Hex, I take on Captain America for ComicsAlliance, running down 96 minutes of nonsense for your reading pleasure.

All Star Superman: The Movie: The Review: The Link

 

 

The animated version of All Star Superman dropped today, and because I love having a job my loyal readers, I stayed up late to watch it and write up a review at ComicsAlliance.

For those of you who want to avoid spoilers, here’s the short, detail-free version: I actually liked it and thought it was one of DC’s best animated movies despite a disappointing lack of Roddy Piper (really? I gotta watch a Green Lantern thing to hear Hot Rod in the DCU?), but not so much that I couldn’t find something to complain about for 1400 words or so. It’s not that it’s bad, but there are a few choices that are just downright mystifying. And one that’s just not very good.

I know, I know. My vagueness is super-intriguing.

The Green Hornet

 

 

This weekend, ComicsAlliance sent me to go see The Green Hornet, and shockingly, I thought it was great. Admittedly, that’s not saying much since I inevitably have to compare it to the last two movies ComicsAlliance sent me to see, Marmaduke and Jonah Hex, but really, it’s great.

So great that I wrote a couple thousand words on how much I liked it — and a few parts I was a little iffy on, including my reaction to the first 3D movie I’ve seen in 8 years — for your reading pleasure. Be warned, though: there are total spoilers in there, and if you’re planning on seeing it, you might want to be as surprised as I was. Or maybe not!

Either way, the short version is that I thought it was a hoot. Enjoy!

The 30 Most Amazingly Terrible VHS Boxes of All Time

 

 

Like a lot of people my age, I have a lot of fond memories of the lumbering monolithic creature that was the Video Store, specifically the sun-bleached, often-terrible art of the VHS box. I even own a copy of Fantagraphics’ recent Portable Grindhouse collection!

So needless to say, I lost a few hours this weekend when pal Ken Lowery sent me a link to an extensive collection of VHS box art, and today, I’ve put that time to good use by bringing you 30 of the most amazing, terrible, and amazingly terrible VHS boxes ever, complete with my commentary!

This is well out of CA’s wheelhouse, but despite what you’ll read in the article’s intro, Laura was all for it. All it took was showing her ROBO VAMPIRE, and she agreed that this needed to be shared with the world.

The Worst of Netflix: Gene Generation

 

 

It’s the Worst of Netflix One-Year Worstiversary! And to celebrate I… Well, I forgot about it until after I was done reviewing this week’s selection, The Gene Generation, a sci-fi epic starring Crank 2‘s Bai Ling:

Incidentally, we know right off the bat that it’s a dystopian future because a) everything outside looks like the bastard child of Blade Runner and StarCraft, and b) everyone’s dressed like they’re going to the worst party at Comic-Con.

Also, this one has one of my favorite lines I’ve written for the column. See if you can pick it out, and here’s to another twelve months of… me… only watching movies I hate.

Huh.

Maybe not the best thing to celebrate, that.

A 1200-Word Review of Marmaduke: The Movie

 

 

As if I didn’t watch enough terrible movies already…

As some ComicsAlliance readers are probably aware, the time that I don’t spend writing about Batman is spent (among other things) reviewing the worst movies I can find on Netflix. This, according to ComicsAlliance Editor-in-Chief Laura Hudson, made me the perfect choice to head to the theater to catch “Marmaduke,” the new film based on the long-running newspaper strip.

As you might expect, Laura and I are no longer speaking to each other.

Yes, this week my job involved going to an actual movie theater and watching Marmaduke, and if you’re after the short version, here you go: It is not very good.

Also, as a fun challenge, see if you can find the spot in the review where I had to cut out an f-bomb!