For April Fool’s Day, the ISB became chris’s witchity tarot blog, a fan-site for everyone’s favorite Broadsword Sword Broad. For the full effect, including the sidebars, check out how the site looked on AFD here.
hi everybody and welcome back to chris’s witchity tarot blog, the internet’s #1 fansite for Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose!! but while our focus around here is normally on the most magickal superheroine in comics, tonight, we’re putting the focus on another character…and this one’s for the ladies! lol!
say hello to Thornwic!
Thornwic makes his first appearance in Tarot #50 for the 3-part story “So Mote It Be!” he hasn’t appeared since, but if you ask the WTB, he’s clearly positioned to be Tarot’s next great adversary!! why?
1. much like peter o’toole, he’s one of the few men who can pull off a double-phallic name.
2. he’s obviously modeled after the wwe’s hunter hearst helmsley:
3. he’s tarot’s opposite number from the fairy realm!!!!!
now some people–mainly those self-important internet blowhards who just don’t “get it”–have their problems with Thornwic, because a lot of them don’t understand why Tarot often goes around fighting evil skyclad, while Thorny (as we call him in my fanfic circles) wears more clothes than anyone else in the series when he’s her equivalent from another realm!! well duh, if you actually read the book, you’d know that in the fairy realm, everyone’s naked all the time, so wearing clothes there is actually just like being naked in the mortal realm!!! so it’s completely the same!!!
besides, naked dudes are gross.
n-e-way, Thorny shows up because there’s this kid who has been pinning fairies to display like a butterfly collector, and we all learn that on a fairy’s body, the breasts are the last thing to decompose (NSFW!!!!!!!!!!!)
this is of course a great crime against the fairy realm, and so Thorny decides he’s going to kill the boy and his family as punishment. that might seem a little harsh, but, well, just take a look at this guy’s moustache and tell me THAT’s not a crime against the fairy realm too:
Tarot of course sees it as her duty to protect mortals–even the ones who hate and fear her, which is probably the most totes original idea in comics evar!!–and so she decides to step in before Thornwic can deliver a devastating pedigree and/or sledgehammer shot to the family, and she has an awesome fight with him in the next issue that starts off with some serious magick!!
UNLIMITED POWER!!!!! lol i love that movie!!
anyway, after some spells get thrown around, the duel moves to swords, and Tarot discovers that not only does her male counterpart actually get to wear clothes, but he’s better at fighting too! so much better, in fact, that he’s able to strip Tarot completely naked while they’re fighting with swords, just to humiliate her before he moves in for the kill!
of course, Tarot’s still our heroine, and she’s not going to go down that easily! so before he can deliver the killing strike, he’s distracted by the fact that Tarot, at the edge of death, has become super aroused!!!
and then she’s rescued by her boyfriend.
and then they have sex in front of her sister. oh, and that family that she was fighting to save? Thornwic had them killed by being crucified before the fight even started. so i guess when you look at it, over the course of three issues, Tarot manages to accomplish…
…well, i’m not sure, but i bet it was empowering!!!!