If there’s one thing that I’ve learned from four years of writing on the Internet, it’s that people absolutely love it when I subject myself to the worst things I can find and write about them for their amusement. And now, thanks to a new column on the newly relaunched Heavy.com, I’m doing it with movies.
The premise here is simple: Every two weeks, I scour Netflix for a movie with a one-star rating and write a brief review, suffering through cinematic masterpieces like Species IV: The Awakening and Perfect 10 Model Boxing v.1 and passing the savings on to you.
This week, I watch the ready-for-Cinemax skin flick Tomcat Angels, which, thanks to an original release in 1991 and a DVD from our pals at Troma in 2003, managed to provide a sexy take on both Iraq wars. That’s right, folks: It’s Iraq-war themed softcore porn.
Also, don’t miss my first column, wherein I review the backyard wrestling extravaganza Splatter Rampage Wrestling, wherein the teenage stars of the “World Rastling Coalition” hit each other with two-by-fours on a trampoline. And you know, that sounds like it’d be pretty entertaining, but in practice, it definitely is not.
The current plan is for me to do a new column every other week (with an additional piece every now and then as well), so if you enjoy ’em, leave a comment over there to let my new paymasters know.