Star Jaws! Act One

And now, your Spidey Super Stories Moment of Joy for the evening, from what is without question the greatest work of literature ever created:






There are three things we can learn from this sequence:

1. Peter Parker often thinks about his own alter-ego while making out with his super-hot model girlfriend.

2. Mary Jane Watson doesn’t let a little thing like explosions from space stop her from gettin’ some of that sweet, sweet Parker loving.

3. That is the only circumstance in which you want to be making out with a girl and have her subsequently utter the phrase “It’s just a tiny rocket!” Trust me.

And seriously, you guys? This story could only be better if the rocket ship opened to reveal Daft Punk doing a live set. It’s that awesome.

29 thoughts on “Star Jaws! Act One

  1. 4. When Peter Parker makes out on a country lane with his hot girlfriend, it turns out he leaves the stickshift in neutral. For he isn’t much of the player, that Parker.

  2. Chris, I salute you. :D

    Parts of this cracktastic piece of pure joy showed up on Scans Daily a while back. Somebody even made an icon of Moondragon’s “I MUST THINK HARD!” face.

  3. Oh, and for those of us who haven’t read this issue, at what point do we actually see Mary Jane’s star jaws?

  4. Remember, we’re breaking Spider-Man and Mary Jane up to bring in new readers, who might not think of the two as “joined at the hip”. Readers who never saw the movies, watched the cartoon, or read Amazing, Spectacular, Sensational, Ultimate, or apparently even Spidey Super Stories. :)

  5. A giant metal penis falls from the sky to interrupt a makeout session.

    “Peter” wants to run away.

    The girl gripes that it’s “just a tiny rocket.”


  6. If they’re running away from the rocket, who is going to take care of poor little Kal-el? I hope he’s not raised by Doom. Clark von Doom just doesn’t sound right.

  7. Every supervillain’s worst nightmare on the cover, there- Spidey with a lightsaber. Super-agile, precogniscent, has a sword that will cut through anything AND an unrelenting smartarse? There’ll be yells of unfettered rage before bedtime for giant headed Doom up there.

  8. My golf buddies and I have found a way to incorporate Spidey into our game.

    As opposed to calling a mulligan (AKA: a “do-over”) after a bad shot, now we just yell “One More Day!” and, voila, the lousy shot in question is forever erased from our memories.

    Thank you, Joe Q!

  9. Peter’s thought balloon with the Spidey logo makes the whole panel look like a screenshot from The Sims.

  10. A “One More Day!” is even better than a mulligan. You can only take a mulligan after a bad shot, but you can take a “One More Day” after a shot that is perfectly playable but for which you have an irrational dislike; or a shot that everyone in your foursome likes just to “shake things up”; or a shot that makes you long to regress to your own carefree bachelor days.

  11. Lightsaber? Check. Bald space lady in green cloak? Check. Dr. Doom’s disembodied head floating in the background? Check. A title which combines two hit `70s movies into one? Double check. An MJ who is pissed off at being interrupted by a tiny rocket while she’s trying to get her freak on? Triple check.

    Congratulations, Peter: clearly this is your finest hour.

    @Harvey Jerkwater: somewhere in the distance, Gail Simone is cackling with glee.

  12. It’s better than that! One More Day is a mulligan that erases not only your latest mistake, but also every game you didn’t like for the past TWENTY years!

  13. It’s a little known fact that yelling “One More Day!” on a golf course also summons Mephisto to serve as your caddy.

    Sure, you think he’s working for you, as he polishes your irons, judges yardage, and replaces your divots in the noonday sun.

    But the post-game downside is that Mephisto works for souls…SOULS, I tell you!

    Just 18 holes at a time.

  14. “I want your marriage… and I’ll use it to buy myself TREATS!”

    Mephisto Super Stories would be absolutely amazing.

  15. Opening scene of a 35-cent comic designed to help 6-year-olds learn to read or plot point of the end of Act 1 for a $300 million sequel?

  16. Marvel comics make me want to live in New York. A rocket from space crashing ten feet away isn’t impressive enough to cut your date short? I guess if it’s not wearing a giant purple skirt, New Yorkers aren’t worried.

  17. “It could be an ATTACK from Space!”

    That’s always my first thought too when ever anything unusual happens during a make out session.

  18. sc Says:

    “I want your marriage… and I’ll use it to buy myself TREATS!”

    Th…thank you! You people have all actually made something positive out of a horrible and insulting storyline.

    Scaldingly funny ridicule. I feel better :)

  19. Update: I just chaanged my facebook status to that quote.

    Yeah, that’s right: I chaanged it.

  20. The best thing that has ever happened to Spider-Man is the removal of Mary Jane watson as his wife. They should have never done it in the first place and now things are as they should be.