BATMAN
November 7, 2009 | Posted by Chris Sims 
, 1978
Categories: The Many Emotions of Batman | 
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November 7, 2009 | Posted by Chris Sims Sponsor
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November 7, 2009 | Posted by Chris Sims 
November 7, 2009 | Posted by Chris Sims Categories: The Many Emotions of Batman | Tags: | 30 Comments »
A situation that Batman was not meticulously prepared for? This is an imaginary story, right?
Not at all. Batman’s training just taught him that any gorilla under a half-ton should be thrown back in the pond. To actually fight one seems…unsporting.
This is what blind dating in Gotham gets you.
See, if this were a Grant Morrison story, this is where he’d say “I took a look at the world I lived in and spent six months in seclusion learning to fight gorillas twice your size.”
That’s odd. I thought it was part of the standard curriculum. “GRLFGT-101″
Well, to be fair, criminals were never considered to be a shoot-eating and furry lot.
what?! for all his money, he doesn’t have a Danger Room to simulate that??
How did a quarter-ton gorilla strap him to a table like that? Was this some crossover where Batman fought the Red Ghost?
Oh man, that would be so awesome.
Oh God was that a magic set of Dollar Comics. Pretty sure the 2 issues this panel came from also featured “Bat-Mite’s New York Adventure”.
His torso has a face on it.
I have to know if the gorillas in question can talk. My guess is they can’t, because if they could I have to believe that Batman would be spending less time monologuing and more time trying to reason with the gorillas.
Because punching monkeys is only okay as a last resort.
Gorillas are apes, not monkeys. Batman is in the clear.
I’m pretty certain Batman is lying. Even if only to himself.
My illusions are shattered.
Batman doesn’t even get out of bed for anything less than a 300 pound gorilla.
his training never included FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE against quarter-ton gorillas. It did however, include dispatching them with ease by employing various nerve strikes.
He just never learned how to make it look like he needs to put in any effort.
You know, Batman, if you stopped straining on your wrist restraints like that, I’m pretty sure you could just slip your hands out of them.
…Batman’s torso looks like a creepy blindfolded face.
Pre-Crisis Batman was a bit of a wuss. He was only trained to fight up to 400 lb. gorillas. Only in the soft reboot of the post-Crisis era was he the Unstoppable Ape-Fighting Masked Manhunter we’ve come to know and love.
Modern Bats learned Solivar Silat in Gorilla City as a young man. Bruce Wayne won renown in the Gorilla City underground fighting circuit as the “Hairless Horror,” and once kicked a young Grodd right in the gorilla nuts.
On the other hand, this is a situation where you could really easily adapt that training you got about defending yourself against a man with a banana.
plus, he is wearing his belt.
Oh, my God. No, Zod. NO, GRODD!!!!!!
-So in prior quarter-ton categories, Batman trained against the Ford F-150 instead?? BIG MISTAKE!!!
“You don’t get it boy. This isn’t an operating table. IT’S AN OPERATING T—um…it’s…and I’m…and that would make you the…ahhh…yeah.”
He’ll worry about that later because right now his arms and torso are about to explode.
Sounds like one of Batman’s mentors got sloppy and cut some corners with his training. If one skips the “Gorilla Combat 101″ segment, you can’t rightly call yourself a hero of any kind.
Someone’s a slacker…
I’m pretty sure his training included fighting half-ton gorillas, and he just isn’t sure how to punch quarter-ton gorillas without killing them.
But he’ll worry about that later.
I remember this issue. It was good.
It’s a “villain puts his brain in a gorilla body” story, but with a twist.
Doug M.
>It’s a “villain puts his brain in a gorilla body” story, but with a twist.
I love that we’re discussing a genre in which the part in quotations needs something on top of that to qualify as a twist.
“Modern Bats learned Solivar Silat in Gorilla City as a young man. Bruce Wayne won renown in the Gorilla City underground fighting circuit as the “Hairless Horror,” and once kicked a young Grodd right in the gorilla nuts.”
So, yeah, can someone get Harvey a Batman Confidential storyline yesterday already?
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2357/1707503310_318dc2871c_o.jpg
When under pressure, kick ‘em in the nuts. Unless that person is your boss. That didn’t work out very well.