Because Around Here, “Thanksgiving” Means NFL SuperPro
November 25, 2009 | Posted by Chris Sims
In the Core Marvel Universe, an ex-football player got super-powers from a combination of a high-tech battlesuit designed exclusively for the NFL and inhaling the fumes of a chemical fire that burned a collection of NFL memorabilia, and then used those powers to fight a villains named “Instant Replay” and “Kabuki-Back,” who was part of an armored coed football team made up of rejected players that kidnapped pros to play a death match in their gigantic, yet completely hidden private arena.
Wait a second…
Whoops, that was yesterday’s theme! What I meant to say was that in celebration of the Thanksgiving tradition of football, I’ve reported into ComicsAlliance with an exhaustively researched article on NFL SuperPro!
SuperPro is, of course, terrible, but reading through the entire run (which I did, thanks to some help from Andrew, as there’s nothing Laura Hudson likes more than getting me to read bad comics), I found there was something sort of fascinating about its awfulness. So give it a read, and please enjoy a panel that didn’t make the final cut for the article:
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NFL Superpro may be terrible, but at least it gave us that panel with the turkeys and the chainsaws. That is worthwhile.
Am I imagining things or did he show up somewhere in The Initiative?
My brother had an issue of this series… the one with the super-steroids. That’s about all I remember.
Ilion: You’re thinking of Red 9, and more information on him can also be found at Andrew’s site. (I’m not sure if I get to call him “Andrew” or not but it seemed appropriate after the other link.)
Hey, wait, that’s not referring to an actual turkey!
BAD POST! BAD!
;)
NFL Superpro… is it me, or would this so much better if he was the Marvel equivalent to Booster Gold?
Would this be so much better, even. But you know what I mean.
Probably your imagination. Superpro is partly owned by the NFL and is therefore a victim of ROM the Spaceknight Syndrome.
I have a strange fondness for NFL SuperPro. I got the first issue in a big bundle of Marvel comics my parents bought me to read on a road trip. It’s not good, but I always want to have his back.
“Take it easy son, I’m just going to eat your leg”
What on earth is going on there?
A) Captain America is a vampire
B) He celebrates Cannibal Thanksgiving
C) Some prankster super-glued his mouth to the leg of NFL SuperPro (har, har!)
You know, I was going along fine with the idea of yet another godawful licensing tie-in comic – until I got to the words “issue five”. How in the Wide World of Sports did this thing survive to issue two, let alone another three?
I remember NFL SuperPro, Darkhawk, and Sleepwalker all coming out around the same time (at the time, it felt like they were all launched on the same day, but I’m sure that’s just hazy memories.
…I still really like Sleepwalker and Darkhawk!
“How in the Wide World of Sports did this thing survive to issue two, let alone another three?”
Different times. Back in the day Comic books could have a print run of a couple of hundred thousand on the understanding that they were going to go out and be sold in drug stores, airports, street vendors, etc – but thankfully Diamond came along and slimmed that down to a more manageable 30-40 thousand by ensuring comic books don’t have to compete on the newsstands where something with breakout/mainstream appeal like Superpro would have been aimed.
It might seem like a stupid idea, but Superpro is really no more daffy than a book where the president fights zombies or teams up with Spidey.
One of the later writers on NFL Superpro, Buzz Dixon, explains how he got picked to pen the book:
“The reason I got that gig was it turned out that I was the only person that anybody at Marvel knew who had ever played organized football.”
It’s a good interview, but spelling his name as “Buzz Dizon” in the opening sentence? Noooo!
Did Cap get bitten by a Polish Zombie???
“Shins! Shinnnns!!!”
I have a question about Instant Replay: does G.I. Joe know that Snake Eyes can cut through time and if so why doesn’t he do that more often? And does he go by “Instant Replay” when he’s doing the assassin gig as some undercover thing?
Must be tough to be the Circus Clown version of Judge Dredd
One of your finest sentences ever.
What on earth is going on there?
D) Cap is sucking some sort of Deadly Poison(TM) out of his leg. (My guess, anyway.)
I’d call that a comics trope, but it began much earlier, in westerns.
Boy Howdy, Cap sure does take his football seriously!
Happy Thanksgiving Chris!
@bookrats
Your guess is spot-on.
Guest-villain Crossbones threw a poison-coated knife, and it grazed The NFL-SP’s delicious drumstick.
I think it was in issue number two, and I think that Captain America told the Super-Pro that he’s “got some good moves,” but that was after he spat out the poison, so who knows if Cap really meant it.
I guess you have to say something nice to kill the awkwardness after you put your mouth on somebody’s lower-leg.
Knowing that Cap was sucking on NFL SuperPro’s leg for a good reason…
It doesn’t make the hurting go away.
I read the article, and now I really want Ed Brubaker to bring back Instant Replay and make him into one of those super-serious, super-scary, but-at-the-same-time-kinda-goofy villains the way only he can (go, Arnim Zola!).
Really. He can CUT THROUGH TIME, people!
The ironic thing is that Cap would never pass the NFL’s drug testing.
“The Happy Campers?” “Instant Replay: The Killer Who Can Cut Through Time?” “The Almighty Dollar?” NFL SuperPro was Marvel’s attempt at Fighting American, wasn’t it.
I love wagering on Football. The unfortunate part is that I’ve lost about $ four this month. I think the most enjoyable part is doing the research and using research to find holes in the odds.