The Worst of Netflix: Psychic Wars

 

 

I’ve read an awful lot of movie summaries over the years, but I’ve never seen one quite like the sentence Netflix uses to try to entice viewers into watching 1991’s anime “classic,” Psychic Wars:

When brilliant surgeon Ukyo Retsu removes a cancer from a mysterious old woman, he doesn’t realize that the cancer is a 5,000 year-old demon.

This is, without question, the single best high concept that I’ve ever seen on Netflix.

The Worst of Netflix: Psychic Wars, new today on Heavy.com.

21 thoughts on “The Worst of Netflix: Psychic Wars

  1. If Blue Oyster Cult had anything to do with this, it can’t be the worst ever.

    Still looks pretty bad, though.

  2. It sounds fascinating. So many outlandish, potentially exciting ideas, such crappy execution. Ah well.

    Hmm, maybe they should’ve focused on the idea of a surgeon dealing with diseases by kicking their asses. If he followed up punching out cancer by suplexing AIDs into oblivion this could’ve been one to remember.

  3. Hmm, maybe they should’ve focused on the idea of a surgeon dealing with diseases by kicking their asses. If he followed up punching out cancer by suplexing AIDs into oblivion this could’ve been one to remember.

    Great Surgeon Onizuka!

  4. Unless the 1980s have lied to me, a blow to the balls can defeat any opponent, from Commie Fucks to wolfmen.

  5. Fast Karate For The Gentlemen, who cover crappy anime and video games, did a pretty funny podcast on Psychic Wars. Look around the archives at http://www.daveandjoel.com for the episode with the eye-catching title of “I Gave You Wang Polio.”

  6. I always love how you make me wanna see stuff by telling how awful that stuff is. Except Twilight, of course. Im not gonna see that ever.

    Now I cant wait for “2012” to get that lonely star so you can review it.

  7. The mysterious woman may have been old, but how can you have a 5,000 year old demon tumor unless you, too, are 5,000 years old?

    Also, you nicely covered the shame of both parties with that “It happens to lots of guys” text bar. Have you resorted to such bars because Heavy will not allow you the glory of alt text?

  8. Have you resorted to such bars because Heavy will not allow you the glory of alt text?

    I only write alt-text for the ISB. The captions on the photos are actually written by my editor at Heavy, K. Thor Jensen.

  9. my friend is showing Manitou tonight – the movie where a tumour turns out to be an old Native American shaman. worth seeing?

  10. [i]Now I cant wait for “2012″ to get that lonely star so you can review it.[/i]

    I doubt it’ll sink that low. You REALLY have to appeal to nobody to get that far down the scale.

  11. Every time I read the little bio bit Heavy runs at the bottom of your articles I get confused as to why a South Carolinan ended up going to school in LA.

  12. my friend is showing Manitou tonight – the movie where a tumour turns out to be an old Native American shaman. worth seeing?

    While I’m obviously telling you this too late to be helpful, I’m quite a fan of the movie. It takes a fairly ridiculous premise and makes it work really well.

  13. Oh to be twenty years younger and an anime fan during those halcyon days again. Back then a six part OVA series was a huge investment so most anime companies stuck to rare one off releases like this and we lapped them up. We didn’t know any better so just having cartoons that were something beyond the Disney fare was a revolutionary concept.

    You could easily do a whole run of the anime from that period: Wicked City, Project A-ko (which features an uncredited Superman and Wonder Woman!), Harmageddon (which is technically Korean but comes from the same school). Still I guess when you’re exploring the Worst of Netflix you can’t limit yourself like that.

    (And on a really strange note; your photo at heavy.com looks really debonair, Chris. Worlds better than your ice cream picture. You should make sure that Dr. K photographs you in better light next time.)

  14. It saddens me that a movie that has someone punching out cancer and having sex the devil apparently ended up so damn dull.

    Especially considering that pretty much sums up my planned autobiography.

  15. No, Project A-Ko actually had far more behind it than just “one-off crap OVA.” Besides the fact it was satire, it was originally going to be a lemon series, which means it could have only been better with more naked girls.

  16. Son of a…

    The movie sucks, but now I must put a “Manifest” superpower into my RPG, so people can punch out cancer, fear and depression given physical form.

    Does it work better as a magical power or a mental one?

  17. Your editor’s name is Thor? Truly a match made in heaven. Is there also a Punisher Jones working there?

  18. Been to Samui Island twice now, first time was in Dezember 2005, then back at Songkran 2006. What a awesome island! It caters for everybody: if your looking for nice Thai people there is plenty of them,if you want good thai food there is plenty and nightlife is astonishing. If you want a cheap vacation, you can have it – if you want an expensive holiday, you can have it also. My friend is really in love with the place and has just bought into a massage shop over there. My kids love it too. What a great place to celebrate Christmas!