2009’s Worst and Weirdest Statues!

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As ISB readers–and especially Mike Sterling— well know, the most harrowing pages of the Previews catalog are those in the merchandise section devoted to statues. That’s why today on ComicsAlliance, while other, saner bloggers are devoting their time to chronicling the best things of the year and the decade, I ventured back into the last twelve issues to bring you a year’s worth of terrible statues from the pages of Previews!

There are, of course, a couple that just weren’t odd enough to make the cut. The one pictured above, for instance, is a pretty run-of-the-mill statue of an anime character, except that he is listed as Jimmy, The King of Swanky Boys, which I personally find hysterical.

And then there’s this one:

 

 

According to Previews, this is Menas, whose “headdress and scepter are the symbols of her power.” Yes. Because what’s symbolic here is her scepter.

There are fourteen more terrible statues (including some, shockingly enough, that are not super-classy Japanese imports) and one that’s actually awesome, so click over to CA today and catch up on all the horror I missed in a year of not doing Chris vs. Previews!

17 thoughts on “2009’s Worst and Weirdest Statues!”

  1. I will give the Menas sculptor credit. The figure is actually doing something heroic and not just recreating a Kama Sutra pose.

    It’s almost empowering, in a Tarotish way.

  3. Hey that Entry plug statue is entirely accurate.

    But it begs the question why you would get a statue of a giant robot’s cockpit as opposed to…y’know…a statue of the giant robot

  4. The people that buy these statues are aware that they can get porn on the internet, right?

  5. Ah, Menas. That’s the girl from the latest season of Queen’s Blade, I do believe. I am surprised her boobs are slightly smaller than her head here – and if you want Kama Sutra Kung Fu Fighting, there is a girl in that series who fights using, ahem…’sacred poses’.

    Yeah. Yeah, it’s just about what you think.

  6. Actually, I guess because of those black lines one on end, the Entry Plug reminds me of a tampon….

  7. Only now have I realised how much I want Batroc the Leaper to have his own movie franchise, with video games, animated series’…the whole deal.

  9. BATROC ZE LEAPAIR! Goddamn I love that guy. It’s just sad that they didn’t give him, y’know, any feet. With which to leap. However, the mustache is GLORIOUS.

    However, it is nothing but poetic that Cable was also rendered legless. The sculptor probably took one look at X-Force #1 and became an instant alcoholic.

  10. Batroc Mini-bust: Now that is one cheerful statue.

    You come home from a hard day at work, and there’s Batroc, reminding you that life is good.

    “Welcome, mon ami! C’est bon!”

  11. While these statues are quite possibly the scariest things I have ever seen, a) I suspect they’re even scarier in person and b) should I ever encounter one in person, they would serve to indicate that I should make my excuses and leave ASAP. There would not be a doubt in my mind that I was doing the right thing there. :)

  12. I dunno, bookrats, look at that rakish grin, that dynamite moustache, that Gallic charm, that je ne sais quoi. I’d be worried that I’d come home from work and find him in bed with my Menas statue and Neon Genesis Evangelion entry plug…

  13. My grandmother once mistook my Donatello action figure bow for a pretzel.

    I can only imagine what she would do with that Evangelion entry plug if she saw it sitting on my mantle.

  16. “However, it is nothing but poetic that Cable was also rendered legless. The sculptor probably took one look at X-Force #1 and became an instant alcoholic.”

    Actually, the sculpture was originally a full body-not just a bust. But the feet were so tiny, it collapsed, and that was all they could salvage.