Every year, when I preserve my sanity with a week of
drinking rest away from the daily grind of blogging, I turn the spotlight to my loyal haters readers, inviting them to recreate a comic book story that can be read quickly in a style that mimics my own complete lack of artistic talent. And every year, I am thoroughly pleased with the entries.
So here we go! The entrants to this year’s contest!
Brian Smith always makes a strong showing, and this year was no exception as he recapped a strange, strange arc in Fantastic Four #293-295!
Das Ubernerd, always a fan-favorite, puts Neil before Zod as he brings us Sandman: A Midsummer Night’s Dream!
perpet_fic puts the “action” in “Fraction” (but not, oddly enough, “satisfaction”) with a stick-figure retelling of Iron Man: World’s Most Wanted!
Jared has done a lot for the blue skins and a lot for the orange skins, but what’s he done for Green Lantern/Green Arrow: Hard Travelin’ Heroes?
guayec gives you a pretty accurate condensed Crossed.
heimp left out the part where I was crushingly disappointed to find there was no Tokyo Drifting in The Drifting Classroom.
Caleb‘s Battle for the Cowl was short and hilarious, unlike the original, which was neither.
sakuuya makes me wonder if everyone has a hard time figuring out Lilandra’s hair, or if it was just me with a recap of Uncanny X-Men #200.
Jason breaks the rules with a recap of Blackest Night, but his Deadshot’s cute so here it is anyway.
notintheface loves two things: head trauma and comics blogger in-jokes, and they’re both in The History of Hal Jordan!
Wil gets exactly what’s so awesome about the low-fi VHS Punisher stories of the ’90s in Punisher: The Prize!
Erich recaps the greatest Marvel comic ever printed, Amazing Spider-Man #33.
Jon offers up a special guest star in his version of Manhunter: Trial By Fire!
Jason brings you an even more shocking new ending for Watchmen than the one I did!
Adam Ford only needed one panel for Beta Ray Bill: Godhunter!
Jules joined up with the Black Parade for Umbrella Academy: Apocalypse Suite!
Jonathan from Living Between Wednesdays brings you another adorable recounting of Battle for the Cowl. Rachelle would’ve entered but–as you might expect–she was watching hockey. Seriously.
Jack Hare has been waiting all week for me to ask if he’s dense or retarded with a recap of All-Star Batman!
Andy S! (no relation to Eliot S! Maggin) recounts the story of Blue Devil lawyerin’ for his soul in the pages of Shadowpact!
MC Alcock gets a little Edward Gorey with a ballpoint pen for Birds of Prey!
PJ Perez gives you two panels, number two, and Secret Wars 2.
Michelle, who only blogs to enter this contest every year, would’ve totally won if she’d included KGBeast in her recap of Blackest Night: Batman!
Michael from Jamaica NY (who’s at the Pizza Hut and at the Taco Bell) kaijus it up for Godzilla!
Zeke goes back to the old school ’cause he’s an old fool for Marvel Comics #1!
John Smith offers up a–no joke–beautiful watercolor version of the Phoenix Saga!
There were some phenomenal entries this year, and as usual, it was tough to pick a winner. Here are the ones that I especially loved:
Brandon Bragg – The History of DC Comics
This year’s very first entry was one of my favorites, and it gave us the first of two Batman-Quotes-Lethal-Weapon moments of the contest. Brandon Bragg doesn’t blog nearly as much as he should, and this entry shows why I’m always after him to do so. Excellent work.
Ephriam – Every Herbie Story Ever
I’m a well-known fan of the adventures of Herbie Popnecker, and while it’s tough to make a comedic version of something that’s already hilarious, Ephriam does a bang-up job translating the Herbie formula into crayons.
Ross Hayes – Emerald Knights
The other day I had lunch with my pal Chad and saw his brand-new baby for the first time, and we still talked about this entry more than the new kid. Between “Oh no! A story arc!” and the appearance of Ron Marz and a displeased Jack Kirby in the bonus panel, this one was a treat.
Tim C – Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Former winner Tim C. always makes a strong showing, but this is hands down the best he’s ever done for the contest, and not just because it has me in a Snuggie™. It’s a testament to the tough competition this year that he didn’t immediately walk away with the win, but if there’s ever an ISB Hall of Fame, he’s in it.
Phil Oldham – Legion of 3 Worlds
The cameo page alone, where Phil managed to throw in Pikachu, Cobra Commander, Hello Kitty, Chun Li and Torrance Shipman of the Rancho Carne High School Toros Cheerleaders, was enough to make this one one of the all-time best 30 Second recaps. Puts my own work to shame, seriously.
Elijah Fly – Final Crisis
Elijah not only did the unthinkable and included the concept of perspective in his recap, he also cracked me up twice. His version of “Awesome Crisis” truly lives up to its name.
Any one of those is an entry I would’ve been proud to have as the winner of my contest, but unfortunately, I had to narrow it down to one. So now, at long last…
The only reason I thought about not giving this one the win was the fact that Jake’s got a .uk email address and I am not looking forward to international shipping when it comes time to mail out the prizes. The rest of it is just perfect, hitting the high points of exactly what’s so awful with Cacophony in a way that takes the terrible and makes it great. It’s exactly what I try to do with my own stuff, but as Jake can actually draw, it’s not only better than mine, but might be one of the few contest entries that’s actually better than the original work.
So congratulations, Jake, and to everyone else who participated, thank you guys for giving me something so fun to read while I took a week off. You’re all winners in my book.
Well, not winners, but, well, you know.