Pop Quiz

Tonight’s Subject: Great Moments In Sidekickery.

In 1967, Batman, Robin and Batgirl traveled to Londinium, where Robin was almost immediately set upon by a team of delinquent finishing school girls, who then held him hostage.

In their bedroom.

 

 

The rare African Death Bee is also involved.

Is this Awesome? Show your work.

30 thoughts on “Pop Quiz

  1. This is awesome.

    School Girls + Bedrooms + Tense hostage situation – Another naked dude = Awesome.

  2. Sadly no, it is not awesome.

    You have Robin and five schoolgirls and a killer bee. To put it another way R+5S-B=A. It’s a killer bee so you use subtraction for it.

    Let R be the awsomeness of the sixties Batman series minus Batman:

    Ab-Bm+5S-B=A

    Per the Morrison transformation Batman is the most awesome thing in any equation so the value of Bm is greater than any of the other A’s. Therefore R in our original equation is negative. Therefore:

    5S=A+B+Bm-Ab

    For A to be greater than zero five schoolgirls must be more awesome than a killer bee and Batman without the awesomeness of the 60’s Batman series. Sadly these are merely five British schoolgirls and so their awesomeness is significantly reduced as British women only become awesome when they graduate into sexy intellectuals.

    It’s simple math people.

  3. Doh! I made an error in my equations and was applying the 2004 British Schoolgirl Awesomeness Index (BSGAI) to the sixties. They’re five mod British schoolgirls which increases the awesomeness greatly. Still doesn’t break the Batman barrier since the awesomeness increases exponentially upon graduation but I wouldn’t want anyone to think I wasn’t checking my figures.

  4. Ah, I see an anomaly here…

    Wouldn’t factoring in African Death Bees significantly reduce the awesomeness coefficient of bedroom and finishing schoolgirls. Or are you using Simpson’s Law of Danger Sex, in which any sexy situation will have its awesomeness enhanced by the threat of death and/or discovery?

  5. Everyone that says this isn’t awesome seems to forget than robin had his last african death bee antidote pill with him. Therefore getting rid of the threat of bee and leaving him with five schoolgirls.

  6. it is awesome. Robin can go for the gold, and depending on how many African Death Bees there are, he can use said antidote (thanks KC) and walk away with no fear of commitment.

  7. It is awesome. Letting A = Level of Awesome, we have:

    A = ( B x 60 / N – F * H + 5 S x Ac ) – ( X S / (Y S + 1) ) x C + R – G

    where B = Batman

    N = which season of the show this episode aired during

    F = fighting (minus as there is no fight scene)

    H = homoerotic subtext (one of the joys of the series)

    S = schoolgirl

    Ac = accent

    X = the number of girls in the scene Burt Ward claims he had “intimate relations” with when the cameras weren’t rolling

    Y = the number of girls in the scene Burt Ward actually had “intimate relations” with when the cameras weren’t rolling

    C = Burt Ward’s level of creepiness after his autobiography from a while back came out

    K = rare African death bee

    G = Batgirl’s lack of screentime in the bedroom

    Here we can see that the fact that I can’t think of the TV show Robin in such pleasant peril without thinking about Burt Ward’s book immediately drags the awesomeness down immediately, and any steps forward made by the fact that there are rare African death bees involved is offset by the fact that Batgirl was neither the one in peril nor had she joined forces with the schoolgirls.

    Fortunately, the fact that this is the 60s show gives us a high enough baseline and the fact that there are FIVE British schoolgirls when three would have been standard makes the awesomeness impossible for me to deny.

    (Please note, if Batgirl comes into the scene and fights the five schoolgirls, F and B are instead added in their respective places and multiplied by infinity.)

  8. It’s funny, I had a dream just like this last week. And yes, it also involved complex algebraic formulae.

    I hate my dreams.

  9. If Total Awesomeness = x, then x = ((Schoolgirls)(Naughtiness Factor) [we can assume high numbers for 1960s mod schoolgirls] + Britishness)/(Television Decency Standards) + (Bees. My God. [universal constant])(Extent to which Bee adds to or subtracts from schoolgirl action, expressed as a positive or negative number respectively) + Bondage.

    Now, the TDS drags things down quite a bit, though not quite enough to cancel out the benefit of Britishness, and that Naughtiness is off the charts to start with. Bondage, as expected, is high, and bee factor can be counted as a mild positive as it leads to dormitory action.

    So, Awesome, though not as awesome as the version I can create in my head.

  10. Burt Ward may have spent the rest of his life typecast to Bob Denver/Gary Coleman levels, but at the time, there had to have been times when he loved his job, and I’m betting this is several of those times.

  11. A deadly bee weapon…

    Bees. My god.

    But at least there are schoolgirls, so that tips the scales towards awesome.

  12. I was running the numbers for a second time to make sure I was correct in determining that this was indeed awesome, when I accidentally Lady Peasoup-ed my pants.

    So yes, both mathematically and anecdotally this would qualify as awesome.

    Chris, you’ve got great mathematical instincts.

  13. Part of the reason I posted this was so that people would know there’s precedent for “Bees. My God.”

    Yes, because only in comics can pointless references to earlier works substitute for actual storytelling.

    (Of course, I get excited every time I see one of the cast members from The Office on an earlier show or movie – “hey, look! Phyllis used to work for the Bluth Company!” – so who am I to talk…)

  14. Now, now, let’s not get off-subject here. This is a post about killer bees and naughty British schoolgirls and the mathematical permuatations thereof.

  15. Ragnell, Amazons Attack was dogshit.

    Pure, festering dogshit, in a giant mound, perhaps where the mound was shaped or sculpted into a sort of primitive statue which only makes sense when you look at it from the top down, and you realize it’s a dude giving you the finger.

    In this context, the fact that the terrible line from Batman about weaponized bees has a potential precedent is not particularly comforting. It does not make Amazons Attack suck less, much less make it fun, and while I love Sims like a brother (well, maybe that brother you lose touch with after he goes off to join the Merchant Marine, but still) and read him every day, Will Pfeiffer doesn’t deserve any props for writing a bad comic. Not even a bit.