Hey, you guys like it when I review comics on Thursdays, right? Well then feast thine eyes on The 30-Second Review of Green Hornet #1, wherein brevity does nothing to keep my Grinchly heart from remaining two sizes too small.
The 30-Second Review of Kevin Smith’s Green Hornet #1
Yeah, figured that would suck. Question though- did you at least like Guardian Devil and Quiver? From before Smith just stopped trying (in his comics and films)?
When I heard Kevin Smith was going to do a Green Hornet comic book, the first two thoughts were:
Bad news: this is going to be a heaping helping of suck;
Good news: it’ll be parcelled out in tiny doses appearing at sporadic intervals and I may, in fact, die of old age before issue 15.
And seeing from the cover that Kato appears to be a woman, I would just add that we should start a pool as to when it will be revealed that she was raped at some point in her past. I call dibs on issue 8 (est. release date: October, 2017).
Green Hornet, you used to be pretty good. What did you do to deserve Kevin Smith and Latex Kink Kato?
Before this starts hater-flooding, I’d like to ask an off-topic question that the title reminds me of:
Is there any chance Comics Alliance will pay you to do regular 30 second recaps on their site?
That dialogue would have been funny coming out of Deadshot.
And have been written by Gail Simone.
Should I be worried that more people are disturbed by Kato-as-a-girl than Darkseid-as-a-girl?
(Or is it just Kato-as-a-girl-as-written-by-Kevin-Smith?)
damn it Smith. He keeps making bad comics, thus making me hide my love of his GA
If you watch the DVD of Smith doing a Q and A session at some college,he tells this long drawn out story about how stupid (most of Kevin Smith’s work is him telling you how stupid someone else is,and how smart he is) the corporate guys at Warner’s were for wanting Tim Burton to direct Superman 5 because it would be different from the original character. I mean,they just don’t get it,amirite? He would speak and act differently,and it would completely shit all over the original vision!
6 or 7 years later, and the douche is writing fanfic where he has sex with Silver St. Cloud and becomes the Green Hornet but Bruce Lee is a hot chick.
It’s funny how much he hates Burton,considering Burton is someone who makes the same movies over and over again from the same mold for a legion of devoted fans who love him regardless. Sound familar?
@Scott:
I call dibs on issue 2.
@Scott
issue 5.
Is it just me or does the cover look like Kato is punching Green Hornet on the chin?
Actually, Ron Fortier did the female Kato nearly a quarter century ago in Innovation’s Green Hornet series. Only she wore a hell of a lot more sensible costume than that.
I’m also a little surprised that no-one’s mentioned the first issue ends with a middle aged guy checking out pictures of his own son’s bare ass and commenting that he’s in good shape.
If the rest of it is Kevin Smith projecting himself into the comic story, I think issue two might be going to a dark place.
@JosephJohnJurgens:
You’re assuming we actually read the issue, rather than run from it (screaming optional).
If Chris Sims is going to take the bullet and read the dang thing, who are we to refuse that gift?
You guys are crazy. Some of us have been waiting for decades to read about the Green Hornet sitting around making dirty Star Wars jokes.
You know? Normally, when you thrash a book, I see Chris Sims complaining about a book, no more, no less. But when you thrash a KS book, I see Chris Sims tossing the book aside and start ranting about his personal hatred for KS. Pretty lame.
I’ll give you this, however: Jonathan Lau’s art sucks
You know? Normally, when you thrash a book, I see Chris Sims complaining about a book, no more, no less. But when you thrash a KS book, I see Chris Sims tossing the book aside and talking shit about the guy I want to make babies with and I am completely unable to see that he might have a point because one day KS and I are going to live on a magic island and ride around on ponies. Pretty lame.
Fixed that for you, and I’m sorry that you’re incapable of seeing that Kevin Smith has not written a good comic since the Clerks book that Oni put out in the 90s.
¡Thanks for your help, Kev!
I’m glad you took time off your busy schedule just to help me voice all those secret dreams I was unable to voice by myself. Now I dream of a time when we could all spend a romantic evening double dating: Me and KS, CS and you. Not on my magic island, mind you, but on that dreamy park where he first chaffed your back with his chest hair and you swore to protect your hubby’s rants against anyone who dare contradict him. I could bring a guitar. You could bring some wine.
And please don’t worry about me, or Kevin Smith’s writing for that matter. His writtings and little old me are going to stick around for many years now. I’m sorry that you’re are so mentaly impaired to appreciate that.
“I’m sorry that you’re are so mentaly impaired to appreciate that” really kind of sums it up from someone supporting the writer of Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back.
And for the record, I’m the top.
Church: Marry me.