This week on the Worst of Netflix, I take on the column’s very first comic book movie:
For those of you unfamiliar with the character, Lady Death rose to prominence in the ’90s during an era when the only requirements for a comic book to succeed were 22 pages and two staples. After first appearing in the genuinely godawful “Evil Ernie” from the now-defunct Eternity Comics, Lady Death became the flagship character of the uniformly terrible Chaos! Comics, achieving success based entirely around her big hair and gigantic rack. Eventually, the fact that Lady Death was only read by total creeps and kids that were too young to buy real porn caught up with Chaos! and their exclamation point and drove them out of business a short time after the 9/11 tribute issue (yes, really), although she remains a popular subject for regrettable tattoos to this day.
The Worst of Netflix on Heavy.com: Where superstars become legends, and where legends… become immortals.
INCREDIBLY minor nitpick, but ADV isn’t actually defunct, just renamed as part of an accounting shuffle. Also the pictures aren’t showing up, but I’m thinking that’s probably a good thing.
Anyway, as to the review itself…..uh…..eeeeeew. Why do I get the feeling I’d rather watch Marmaduke?
Well that didn’t take long.
Let’s hear it for insomnia.
Is “A Sword Named . . . Darkness” like “A Pimp Named Slickback”?
I think the only person in the world who should be wearing gloves like that is Rodney Dangerfield.
Let me just put in a recommendation for “Worst of Netflix” to consider the ouvre of director – and comic book store owner – Kevin Kangas.
I always enjoyed 9/11 tributes from people whose main characters (Evil Ernie) were “an undead, psychotic killer” trying to commit genocide. “The culmination of Ernie’s efforts amount to him causing Megadeath by causing the rest of the world to fire on itself with nuclear warheads from other various countries.”
You probably won’t want to visit this one soon but Lady Death reminds me a lot of the direct to video Vampirella movie. The comic that was Lady Death twenty years before there was a Lady Death.
Okay, I’m being a bit unfair to Vampirella there but only a little bit.
The most horrifying part of the film is at one point they use a male stunt double for Vampirella. Yes, really.
Dear Mr. Sims: Your sickening objectification of a cartoon woman’s boobs is truly offensive. You are insulting the character, the creators, and me with your total disregard for her ass. I will be canceling my subscription to your publication posthaste.
And yeah, I somehow glazed over your last paragraph. Still if a year or two down the road you get a hankering to watch it again…
The line that Satan consists “on a Pac-Manish diet of ghosts” made me laugh out loud.
“which I assume means he was the one who transcribed a Manowar album into a notebook whose margins were filled with freehand pentagrams and Slayer logos before handing it off to the actual screenwriter.”
See, this actually makes it sound awesome.
They made a live-action Archie movie about him as a 30 year old yuppie and… uh, it wasn’t so great. There was also a Power Pack movie I don’t think went over so well.
But this has to be spectacularly awful to top that and now God help me I WANT TO SEE IT.
Speaking of Marmaduke, I was at the local multiplex yesterday, and guess what they have out in the lobby to promote that?
An 8-foot tall fire hydrant.
The movie sounds truly remarkable, but I can’t help feel that the review would have more ooomph with your usual photographic evidence of such travesties as the Octocorn…
There are pictures, but they only seem to be loading about half the time. If you’re not getting ’em, try refreshing?
I’ve never been remotely interested in Lady Death before. I knew she existed, I knew it was bad, just never cared.
But now I want to see this movie, if only for the octo-corn.
I mean, do they call it an octo-corn?
Does the octo-corn have a name, like “Rainbow”?
Look what you’ve done, Chris.
I think they were showing this in the background of a rock club i went to a few times. kinda entertaining for that purpose
Oh dear, the pictures are loading now.