Chris vs. Previews: June 2008, Round Two

Huh. Who would’ve thought that a guy known mostly for a love of comics featuring kicks to the face and high-stakes trucking adventure would have to explain why Strangers in Paradise wasn’t his cup of tea?

Oh well, probably best to just move on, and since I’ve already dealt with the major publishers, tonight belongs to the back half of this month’s Previews! And while I’d normally kick things off with one of the egregiously bad shirts from the apparel section, I’ve got to admit…



…that’s a pretty awesome shirt. And unlike “Spongerine” over here…



…it doesn’t even have one of those weird-ass names. So it looks like you win this time, Previews Apparel Section. This time.

Oh well, I’ve still got the rest of the catalog. Now let’s get to it!



P. 196 – You’ll All Be Sorry MMPB: Back before Wonder Woman, The All-new Atom, Deadpool, and pretty much everything except maybe Killer Princesses, superstar writer and justified Internet darling Gail Simone wrote a column on Comic Book Resources called “You’ll All Be Sorry!” And as you might expect if you’ve read any of her comics, it’s fantastic.

I came to the column well after she’d moved on, since I first heard of her on Deadpool and then worked backwards, but I’ve since read through the archives twice, and as someone who attempts to write funny things about comics on the Internet before giving up and deciding to just post a few panels from Devil Dinosaur, I found myself not only entertained, but constantly jealous that I hadn’t thought of her jokes first. It’s highly entertaining stuff, and it’s well worth picking up a hard copy.


P. 249 – The Boys Definitive Edition (High End Edition): So, just to review here: This is a five hundred dollar collection of a comic book whose lead characters start the series by kicking the shit out of a super-hero with a gerbil in his ass.

What a country.


P. 264 – Mercy Sparx #0: Wait a second… Mercy Sparx… Wasn’t she in Huckapoo?


P. 286 – High School Musical v.1 GN: Gather round, children. It’s story time.

So in August of last year, I went up to Charlotte for my pal Brandon’s birthday party and–long story short–I had way, way too much to drink. This in and of itself wasn’t the problem; I’m generally a pretty pleasant drunk, except for that one time at HeroesCon ’05 where I told my friends they were jerks and then announced that I wanted to fight the Luna Brothers. No, the problem came later, when I decided that I was hungry and that it would be a good idea to eat an entire rotisserie chicken that Brandon had in his refrigerator, so I pulled it out and started gnawing on it, telling everyone within earshot that it made me feel like Conan.

Needless to say, this was actually not a good idea. It was not a good idea at all. I’d never been sick from drinking in my life, but cut to an hour later and I’m hunched over in Brandon’s bathroom, hallucinating Golduck, thinking that I am literally going to die and wondering what I’ve been doing not sleeping on cold tile floors for my entire life because they feel so so good.

The next day wasn’t that great either–Brandon insisted on eating a rotisserie chicken when we went out for breakfast, since I’d stolen his–and by the time I got home that night, I was ready to just crawl onto the couch and let the healing rays of television wash over me. And those rays, my friends, came from the Pop-Up Video edition of High School Musical.

Longtime readers will no doubt recall my affinity for teen melodrama, so it should be no surprise that ever since, I’ve had a mild fascination with the series and its all-encompassing media juggernaut, and now that it’s coming to comics, I’m freakin’ stoked. I mean, this thing could be the next Dark Xena!

Incidentally, the Dark Xena trade’s solicited on p. 253. You know, just in case you wanted to read the best comic ever.


P. 319 – Galaxy Quest: Global Warning #1: And now, a scene from the IDW Head Offices. As we open, Chet, a dashing young executive, is hanging up the phone as his boss, Ted, enters from left.

TED: Well?

CHET: Just got off the phone with Devil’s Due. Looks like they got the license for Bionic Commando after all. I wonder how they’ll do a comic about a guy who can’t jump…

TED: Damn. Well, that settles it then. That was the absolute last licensed property on the market.

CHET: Actually, boss, there’s a couple more that just came up.

TED: Yeah? What are they?

CHET: Well, you remember that Tim Allen movie from like ten years ago?

TED: The Santa Clause?! Chet, we could get that into Disney stores and make mil–

CHET: No, the other one. The Star Trek parody, Galaxy Quest. Funny stuff. It had Alan Rickman in it.

TED: Well… yeah, but… it’s not exactly timely, is it? I mean, sure, it’s a fun movie but it’s not like there’s anything out there to generate interest for it.

CHET: Well, it’s either that or Pink Lady & Jeff.

TED: Huh. Is Adam Hughes still under contract with DC?

CHET: Yup.

TED: Galaxy Quest it is.


P. 366 – Street Fighter Remix #0:



With as much as I like video games and as much as I like comics, you’d think that comics about video games would be a slam dunk, but more often than not, that’s just not the case. I mean, I finally got around to reading the Marc Andreyko Castlevania mini-series a few months ago, and you know what’s not in it? The Castle. There’s no castle… in Castlevania. Seriously, how hard is that? It’s right in the fuckin’ name. Might as well have been Castlevania 2.

Ken Sui-Chong’s Street Fighter, on the other hand, suffers from no such shortcomings. There are streets, there is fighting, and for more than that, no man can ask.




P. 483 – Terminator 2 Plasma Rifle 1/2 Scale Replica:



I don’t know how it is at other comic book stores, but at my job I’m always having to deal with Austrian bodybuilders who wander in asking for a phased plasma rifle in the forty watt range, and up ’til now, my response has always been to tell them that it’s just what you see, pal. Next time, however, I’ll be able to meet the demands of the consumer and help to bring about Judgment Day!

Thanks, Previews!



And on that apocalyptic note, we bring another Previews to a close. As always, questions, concerns, Huckapoo tour dates or any good hangover remedies that I can take to Brandon’s next birthday party–can be left in the comments section below. I’ve heard Jeeves has this concoction of Worcestershire Sauce…

33 thoughts on “Chris vs. Previews: June 2008, Round Two

  1. Wow! Chun-Li’s really gotten…
    Those are her sleeves.

    And yes, I believe its Worcestershire sauce, eggs, and black pepper. Cheerio!

  2. Oh, right. Turns out, it was just the same Dog Bonnie statue re-offered. I’d seen it and hadn’t taken a second look until tonight, for what I think are pretty obvious reasons.

  3. Wow. Catching up on the comments from yesterday, I didn’t know there were actually people who didn’t think Terry Moore is a good writer. I mean, I can understand not caring for the genre SiP was in (and that’s including the great butt-kicking sequences)…but not thinking Moore is any good at all? Wow. Ah, well; different tastes, I suppose.

  4. Awesome Terminator stuff there, Sims.

    i was just talking about guns the other night with my cousin, who is a collector, and I had to ask if he had a phased plasma rifle in the forty watt range.

    My dad turned purple he was laughing so hard.

  5. Who would’ve thought that a guy known mostly for a love of comics featuring kicks to the face and high-stakes trucking adventure

    Good, good. I’m with you so far.

    High School Musical

    Well that’s peculiar. Oh well, no doubt you’ll give those overly cheery teens what for.

    I’m freakin’ stoked.

    Good Lord, man! What is wrong with you. I could at least understand you fascination with Bring It On!, but this…this is just …I can’t even bring to mind the appropriate descriptor to encapsulate my outrage!

    Then again, seeing is how I am totally digging the idea of a Galaxy Quest comic, maybe I shouldn’t be so quick to judge. Heck, it makes as much sense as producing an Xena comic years after that show ended, and it’s the only way I’ll ever read anything that abbreviates to GQ.

  6. Your tale of binging had me laughing out loud, Mr. Sims, because I just recently lost a battle to The Demon Drink, and sought solace upon The Soothing Ceramic Squares Of Succor.

    While my story didn’t have dead chickens, it did involve an Iron Maiden concert, a robotic devil THIIIIIS close to Futurama territory, a 30′-tall animatronic mummy, seven pitchers (and a six-pack) of beer, and a saucy waitress.

    It was glorious.

    (And I had the same reaction as Mr. Legion regarding the sleeves. Took me a second to figger it out.)

  7. There’s a big difference between “not my cup of tea” and “not very good”, which is what you said yesterday. And buying what basically amounts to a teen romance graphic novel and then disliking SiP, which actually does seem up your alley (call girl assassins and a worldwide mafia?) to an extent – I just don’t get it.

  8. what’s to get? you like what you like. I don’t like SiP either, and amongst other reasons one of them is that people keep telling me I should like it.

    I don’t.

  9. “The Soothing Ceramic Squares Of Succor” – I love it! It’s the perfect place to wake up with your slip and pantyhose in one hand, strange car keys in the other, and your thighs aching!

  10. Chris I’m starting to believe that you never played any NES games and just name drop them on occasion. If there is no castle in Castlevania 2 then where do you fight Dracula at? And how do you know that the five mansions aren’t castles?

    First thinking that the laser in Contra only goes out from the barrel a short distance and now this. With your veracity undermined with NES I have to wonder about other things. Is this whole blog just a web of lies? Do you even like comic books? I am losing faith in you as a journalistic source.

  11. A “Galaxy Quest” comic might not be timely, but still, it’s about damn time someone did a follow-up to that criminally underrated film.

  12. There’s no castle… in Castlevania. Seriously, how hard is that? It’s right in the fuckin’ name. Might as well have been Castlevania 2.

    Might as well have been called VANIA! Well, that’s what I would have called it anyway…

  13. Chris –

    The radio show This Is Hell! offers weekly hangover cures. And it’s a damn fine show, to boot. Broadcasts out of Chicago, but there’s an on-line stream every Saturday as well as MP3 archives.

  14. different strokes for different folks. as an avid cisb fan i have come to accept your dislike of terry moore but i must agree with some other posters its just fucking weird that you can be super excited about “teen melodrama” but against a series featuring some seriously nice ass kickings

  15. I love Terry Moore conceptually, but knowing that he was making up Strangers in Paradise as he went along explains a lot about its weaknesses as a story. The only thing he had in mind at the start was the scene where Francine takes off all her clothes in the park in the first issue. He worked backwards from there and then forwards for however many issues, and says he never had any idea where it was going. Judging by the way the story progressed (or didn’t), I can completely believe that he’s not being modest, so I can understand when someone says that they think Moore isn’t a very good writer.

    However, Chris’ affection, however minimal, for High School Musical leads me to think that SiP might have been more appealing if it was set in high school.

  16. Really now with the High School Musical GN? I guess cash cows from mass media can spill over into the comic industry every now and then (even those that don’t make sense)

    And what the hell were they thinking when they called that shirt spongerine…sure it looks like he’s slicing through a sponge, but why would you demoralize Marvel’s “golden” boy like that?

  17. I’m glad I skipped that Castlevania mini-series after the first issue. I’m curious though, is there at least a really tough battle with Death that ends up being way easier than the final battle with Dracula?

  18. Ed: Wow, that totally explains it. I actually liked SiP through the first couple of trades, then I was pretty much like “WTF? Advance the story already!” Pretty much every complaint I had about it was answered with that information. Well, outside of Katchoo being a hateful asshole that I could not understand anyone liking. That sill makes no sense to me.

  19. Today in the comments section of the ISB, we learn that sometimes other people have different and strange tastes in things!

  20. If there is no castle in Castlevania 2 then where do you fight Dracula at?

    Point One: It’s just “where do you fight Dracula.”

    Point Two: That, like all of the levels in Simon’s Quest, is a mansion.

    Point Three: Strangers In Paradise blows. Haw haw haw.

  21. Pffhahahaha, that yellow stain around ‘Spongerine’s’ rear end makes me laugh. It looks like he’s just peed in the corner of the shirt!
    …and that’s terrible.

  22. You know what? I f#@&ing HATE All-Star Superman.

    There you go, Chris. Now everyone can heap bewilderment and scorn at me for a little bit. Take a break.

  23. Life has taught me to always get drunk on a Friday night, because Discovery shows Dirty Jobs all day Saturdays and Mike Rowe is the cure for hangovers. Seriously.

  24. There’s a big difference between “not my cup of tea” and “not very good”, which is what you said yesterday

    Sorry; what I meant was that it’s not my cup of tea because it’s stupid, it sucks and I hate it.

  25. That Castlevania comic was HORRIBLE. I remember reading it and getting pissed off that someone had squandered the license so badly.

    The whole point of Castlevania is not the inevitable showdown with the Drac… it’s the journey you take in getting there. And, as anyone who’s played Rondo of Blood or Symphony of the Night already knows, the castle itself is the main feature. Dracula’s just dessert.

    The comic could have been an Anita Blake story if it’d just been set 300 years later. It’s that bad.