56 thoughts on “The Secret Origin of the Dark Knight Pizza

  1. “30 minutes or less. Good soldier.”

    “I think of pizza. The rest is easy.”

    “Then… something scatches at the top of the box. Out of sight… Something… sucks the cold cheese… and hisses.”

    What a gift. Thanks, Chris!

  2. “Bruce, this is idiotic. You’re just mushroom and pepperoni — like all the rest.

    As for me, I’ll take a 16-inch Harvey Dent (half cheese, half pineapple and toxic waste).

  3. “Sorry I’m late with the pizza; but I couldn’t find the Batcave”

    “Sorry, it’s been over 30 minutes so my pizza is free…[I haven't had to pay for a pizza in 25 years!]“

  4. “I’ll do it man! I’ll eat the whole thing! Believe me!”

    BRAKKA BRAKKA

    “…I believe you.”

  5. This should be agony.

    The roof of my mouth should be a MASS of blistering, burned skin.

    But the garlic on my slice is a BAPTISM.

    I’m BORN again.

    I smell their TOMATO SAUCE — and it is SWEET.

  6. …Just a pizza. That’s all it is. No harm in eating a pizza…

    You loved it so MUCH… You jumped and danced like a FOOL… You remember… You remember that PIZZA.

  7. I myself will eat the delicious pizza Batman. I will rip the cheese from his crust and suck it dry. I will eat his artichoke heart and drag his box through the street.

  8. If DC is interested in doing an ElseWorlds “Cannibal Batman” story, they have only to look at this thread for all the dialogue they’ll need.

  9. “All pizza is important, Robin. It’s the universal food. One of our best hopes for the eventual realization of the brotherhood of man.”

    “Where’d you get the spicy pepper flakes, Batman?”

    “The true crimefighter always carries everything he needs in his utility belt, Robin.”

  10. >>>>A mushroom…is a coward’s topping. A liar’s topping…

    Dave L: Hi-larious…

  11. So this the fuel Batman subsists upon after blowing off Alfred’s late dinner service every night.

    Ungrateful bastard…

  12. “You’ve got slices.
    Lots of slices.
    Sometimes I count them just to make myself feel hungry.”

    “I want you to remember my hand at your crust. I want you to remember the one man who ate you.”

  13. “It was tough work, eating two hundred and twenty pounds of pepperoni and climbing to the top of Gotham Towers, the highest point in the city. The fart alone is worth it.”

  14. “He swallows, blind — a quick slice to the nerve cluster in his stomach. It doesn’t hurt him — but no force on earth could help him finish his next slice now.”

    “The rest of us learned to cope. The rest of us recognized the danger — of the endless envy of those not blessed with pizza. Diana went back to her Taco Whiz. Hal went to Warriors. And I have walked to the pretzel cart for so long… But you, Bruce — you with your wild obsession –”

    “Too slow – he hears the pizza guy. He gets a good one in. Took the biggest slice — took some extra topping with it. He’s fast – as ever.”

    “…the Joker’s pizza found eaten and cold.. hunger is added to the charges against the Batman..”

  15. I’d read “Dark Knight Returns” to find out what the hell the context of that picture is… but that’d mean, you know, reading “Dark Knight Returns”, and that’s a sacrifice I’m not willing to make.

  16. Superman: “The rest of us learned to cope. The rest of us recognized the danger – of the endless envy of those without extra pepperoni. Little Caesar went back to his people. Blackjack went to the stars. And I have walked the razor’s edge for so long . . . but you, Batman – you, with your wild obsession.”

    Batman: “You sold us out, Clark. You gave them the pepperoni that should have been ours. Just like your parents taught you. My parents taught me a different lesson . . . delivering on this street . . . drowning in deep sauce … extra toppings for no reason at all. They showed me that pizza only makes sense when you force it to.”

    Superman: “Bruce, I just ate three of your slices.”

  17. Also, I think Batman talking about pizza is the best idea since … well, pizza.

  18. I’d read “Dark Knight Returns” to find out what the hell the context of that picture is… but that’d mean, you know, reading “Dark Knight Returns”, and that’s a sacrifice I’m not willing to make.

    Don’t take this the wrong way, but that is the stupidest fucking thing I’ve read all morning.

  19. Hear, Hear. I proudly hold up ‘The Dark Knight Returns’ as one of my favorite comics of all time.

    “And with the Devil’s strength… he CHEWS… and something within him rustles as it leaves”

  20. “I’d read “Dark Knight Returns” to find out what the hell the context of that picture is… but that’d mean, you know, reading “Dark Knight Returns”, and that’s a sacrifice I’m not willing to make.

    Don’t take this the wrong way, but that is the stupidest fucking thing I’ve read all morning.”

    Amen, Brother! If ‘The Dark Knight Returns’ is not a great comic (one of the greatest, in fact) then I’d be interested in hearing what is?

    This post, while being hilarious, also made me want to drag out my copy and read it again. Most comics stories wish they had so many memorable scenes and lines. Miller may have lost the beat a bit recently, but he sure was firing on all cylinders here.

  21. “He stands there, at the counter, – looking at all the choices of toppings, and salads and appetizers, as if he’s the only reason they exist.

    Then he ruins it all by farting.”

    “Bruce? It’s Selina. I’m hungry….”

  22. RE: Pere Ubu’s comment

    As soon as I read this I knew our esteamed superblogger would have something to say about it.

    While I was expecting the more restrained (and oft repeated) “and you can leave”, your reply, Mr Sims, did not disapoint.

    I mean, what the fuck? I know people have different taste and all, but… no.

  23. that is the stupidest fucking thing I’ve read all morning

    Aw, shit. I just dismissed myself from the comics world, didn’t I?

    “Dark Knight Returns” was the first series, right? The good one? The one I read and rather enjoyed, as opposed to “Dark Knight Strikes Again” which I gave up on not ten pages into it?

    Don’t mind me, I’ll show myself out.

  24. You know, I had the sneaking suspicion that was the problem, but I was too shocked to think straight.

    Perfectly understandable.

  25. “The Dark Knight Returns” felt like someone with a deep and abiding love for the Batman wrote a dramatic tale about what would happen if Bruce Wayne were fighting crime in his old age.

    “The Dark Knight Strikes Again”… It was like some drug addled silver age fanboy’s wank-fest. Every obscure character imaginable shows up for just a few seconds, and then is either killed or inexplicably never shows up again. It was nigh unreadable. I kept thinking it would get better… but it just… never did. ugh.

    and the new art style… what was Miller THINKING?

  26. Pere, we all make mistakes (even Batman). Just don’t do it again.

    Danicus, try not to think about it. You’ll just upset yourself.

  27. Pere, I’m so glad to hear you say that. You have restored my faith in comics fandom (well, somewhat).

    It’s amazing the vitriol one can inspire for denigrating “The Dark Knight Returns” isn’t it? Whereas it’s rather difficult to find someone who genuinely enjoyed “The Dark Knight Strikes Again”.

    Personally, I think both species need to be placed on a desert island somewhere where they can’t hurt anyone but themselves.

  28. I’m going to sound really negative here, but I didn’t like either of them.

    I just can’t stand Frank Miller. I recognise that he revitalised the character, I just don’t like his writing style. Too much Rand, way too many monologues, and his Batman is more of a sadistic vigilante than a cunning detective.

    To me, that’s just not what the character’s about.

  29. Everyone pile on whisper!! Kidding.

    For the record, I actually agree with a lot of those points and think that Miller’s interpretation sullied the character for a long time. That’s not really his fault, though. For so long, everyone seemed to think his was the ONLY interpretation (which does seem to be finally changing).

    And, Trey, I’m seriously asking here, what worked for you about Dark Knight Strikes Again?

    However, for this particular story, it works extremely well.

  30. While I agree that Miller’s Batman is, at times, needlessly coarse and violent, I tend to look at him as an ASPECT of the character, almost as if the Batman were to adapt to fit his situation (which is exact what I feel like he does…)
    Detective, vigilante, madman, ninja, he slips into these roles and back out again effortlessly.
    But I agree, I really wish Miller’s Batman could make the switch sometimes. Loved “The Dark Knight Returns”… but I don’t see Miller as the be all and end all of Batman writers.

  31. Danicus Says:

    Loved “The Dark Knight Returns”… but I don’t see Miller as the be all and end all of Batman writers.

    All-Star Batman & Robin makes that something of an understatement.

  32. @bookrats

    Yeah, he certainly went off the deep end with that one. Sheesh, what a train wreck that comic is.