If you pay attention to things that don’t matter — and considering you’re reading a comics blog, I have to imagine you do — then you’ve probably heard that there’s a controversy raging over the Zodiac. Today, I have solved that little magickal Gordian knot by throwing out the old system entirely and introducing a brand new Zodiac! And this time, there’s no water-bearers or vaguely sinister crabs: It’s all stuff I like.
It is also maybe the most full-of-inside-jokes article that I have ever written, so enjoy not understanding why I put Dracula where I did.
Crap. August 9. Just on the Cusp of Cobra Commander, but still entrenched in Funky Winkerbean.
Its funny how the Funky Winterbean – the new Cancer – dates are almost completely outside the old Cancer dates. It’s actually closer to the old Leo. All the other signs seem one out too.
It does mean that I was now born under the sign of Lord Johannes Krauser II instead of the old Cancer. I can live with that – its certainly better than Funky!
Blast it, man. Under your new system, you’ve made me Funky Winkerbean, when under the old system, August 10th would’ve been a Leo.
IIRC, Chris, you’re a Cobra Commander. Isn’t your birthday the 11th (or 12th) of August?
Bulbasaur, eh? I can live with that.
COBRAAAA!!!!
Soooo, I’m a Tarot Witch of the Black Rose, and my missus of 24 years is a Dracula now. I dare anyone to rock up at our house next Halloween…
Pizza-Blast?! Awww, man! I want to be a Krauser! Does a black stringy-thing come as standard dress for Tarots, ’cause I might have some objections.
Oh shit I’m a Tarot.
Sweet, I’m a Smuckles. This is definitely good science. Kids wearing individual pants on each leg better watch out.
Funky Winkerbean?! I go from a lion to a crab to FUNKY F-IN’ WINKERBEAN?!!!!
That’s it; I’m building a doomsday device to blow up stars.
Let’s see what I got . . . . goat, archer (centaur?), unbelievably slutty witch. Sorry, dude, but as a heterosexual male with no irony on this subject, I think I might have to choose between the other two options.