Chris vs. Previews: October 2008: Round Two

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All right, before we get started with this month’s harrowing trip through the back half of the Previews Catalog, there’s one thing that I’d like to point out up front.

This…

 

 

…is the Tribble “Role-Play” toy, inspired by the the Star Trek episode that warns against the danger of keeping pets. It is literally a six-inch ball of hair. And it is thirty dollars.

Even for a catalog that contains an autographed fantasy sword and something called “MILF Magnet” in this issue alone, that is the stupidest thing I have ever seen in Previews, and if you buy it, you are stupid too.

As for what you can buy without my immediate contempt, well, that’s what we’re here to find out tonight, as the ISB takes on this month’s offerings for the small press and the merch!

 

 

Comics

 

P. 204 – The War at Ellsmere: Faith Erin Hicks’ previous work, Zombies Calling, was another one that I picked up on Rachelle Goguen’s recommendation (as she was going to bat pretty hard for her fellow Halifaxian), and I’ve got to say, it was… okay. Story and art are both above average, but in a lot of places it reads a little too much like it’s trying to be what everyone was saying it was–which was Scott Pilgrim with zombies, a comparison that was inevitable given the art style–and in light of more recent self-aware zombie stories like Shaun of the Dead (another inevitable comparison), a lot of its humor seems redundant.

But then you remember that Zombies Calling was her first work outside the world of online self-publishing, and the whole thing becomes a lot more impressive. As flawed as it is, it’s still a pretty fantastic debut, and it marked her as an upcoming talent with a lot of potential, so I’m curious to see where she goes next. Which, apparently, is into the fast-paced world of boarding school fiction.

Who knew?

 

P. 211 – Archie Comics: For those of you keeping score at home, this month’s Archie books feature covers referencing both Andy Warhol and the Beatles’ Abbey Road…

 

 

…which makes these the most current Archie Comics cover gags ever.

 

P. 225 – Alan Moore’s The Courtyard (Color Edition):: A few years back, before the good folks at Avatar switched their publishing schedule over to strip-mining Warren Ellis’s thousand ideas for reinventing the super-hero and Garth Ennis’s latest foray into gore-porn, they put out a ton of adaptations of Alan Moore’s non-comics work. They expanded things like short stories, poems and songs–yes, songs–into full-length stories, and to be honest, the majority of them were not very good.

The Courtyard was the rare exception. It’s a great, short bit of Lovecraftian fun–for, you know, a horror comic–and it was the first thing to turn me on to writer Antony Johnston, who would later go on to create Wasteland with Christopher Mitten, and I’ve got it on good authority that that comic is “probably the best take on the post-apocalyptic Western in years.”

 

P. 318 – Blue Monday: Thieves Like Us #2: And now, Oni Press proudly presents Making Money the Chynna Clugston Way!

Step 1: Draw a cover like this.

 

 

Step 2: Chris Sims gives you all of his money.

 

Books

 

P. 370 – Dark Horse “Art Books” Ad:

 

 

I might be the only one who cares–or at least, the only one who pays enough attention to the ads in the book section of Previews to be in a position to care–but Patrick Hughes’s Diary of Indignities is actualy not an art book, unless you consider stories about the Four Horsemen to be art, which I do. It is, however, a collection of pretty hilarious stories culled from Hughes’s blog, and it’s well worth picking up.

 

Merch

 

P. 418 – Spirit Movie Merchandise: Aside from the fact that I always get a kick out of these MiniMate movie poster parodies…

 

 

…I mention this for the simple reason that I wanted to tell you all to go watch the new trailer. Not because this one actually makes it look like it’d be pretty darn fun (if it wasn’t for the small fact that it’s, you know, supposed to be The Spirit), but because it contains the line “Is every damn woman in this damn hellhole out of her damn mind?” which is officially The Frank Millerest Sentence Ever Written.

 

P. 444 – Ted Nugent Statue: Here’s a sentence I never thought I’d write: “The makers of this Ted Nugent statue really missed an opportunity here.”

Seriously, you’re making a statue of Ted Nugent. Why would you just have him standing there playing his guitar when you could have him in a zebra-stripe bodysuit using it to deflect bullets like he did in that Damn Yankees video? Or even better, why not a statue of this?!

 

 

And finally…

P. 461 – Shuffle! Asa Shigure Ani*Statue:: “From the popular eroge (erotic game) Shuffle! by the visual novel company Navel comes the adorable Asa Shigure. A delicate tomboy (and great cook), Asa leaps off the screen in fantastic statue form capturing her famous scene. Catch the poor girl unaware with her skirt pulled up and her hands on her underwear.”

 

 

 

And that’s this month’s offerings from the pages of Previews! As always, if anything caught your eye this time around, feel free to let me know about in the comments section below.

And for those of you who were wondering, the runner-up in the Frank Millerest Sentence competition was “I’m gonna kill you all kinds of dead,” which I seriously wish I’d come up with.

33 thoughts on “Chris vs. Previews: October 2008: Round Two”

  1. Ah, the Damn Yankees video. I love Patton Oswalt’s routine on that. “Squibbly-flopitty-dooo!”

    After seeing some behind-the-scenes footage of the Spirit film on Yahoo, I just want to see a book of Frank Miller’s storyboards instead of the actual film.

  2. There is no way the Frank Millerest Sentence Ever Written does not include “whore.” But that one was a close second. (Of course, does Miller differentiate between “woman” and “whore”? Probably not, so maybe it is the Frank Millerest Sentence Ever Written.)

  3. Every day, the Invincible Super Blog adds something new to my lexicon. Such hits as “Ninetiesest” and “Assassin-ape.” and now “Frank Millerest”

    No to find a way a way to work that into conversation. Maybe when the big man’s complaining about the goddamn morons in the goddamn department screwing up the goddamn orders again…

    I wonder what will happen when Sims drops
    the concept of “Matt Fractionest moment of the day.”

  4. I don’t see why you need to give them all of your money, you could just buy one copy and then look at the cover whenever you like.

  5. I think a large part of this Blog is Sims trying to fulfil his Matt Fractionist moment of the day quota.

    I’m gona have to buy Blue Monday too now.

    Anyways the most Frank Millerest setence Ive said today was “I can’t stand the man, I hate talking to him and I hate doing his work. No, he’s alright I guess. And it’s done. Now, what else have you got for me?”

    Which is only mildly Frank Millery and I was talking about a tax return, which kind of ruins it anyway.

    Anyone else have a good one?

  6. Sir, I laughed for a good few minutes about The Most Frank Millerest sentence. The only problem was it was impossible to explain to the people around me what was so funny.

  7. I should really check out Faith Erin Hicks’ print books at some point, since I enjoyed both her webcomics, Demonology101 and Ice, more than a little. Though I do hope she’ll actually get to FINISH Ice some day…

  9. I would pay up to eight dollars for a tribble, and I don’t even really like the Original Star Trek as much as some other versions. I’m not geeky enough to mount a phaser or a tricorder on my wall, but to have a nice incongruous Maybe-tribble sitting in corner somewhere? It would be kinda neat to see people react to it(if anyone ever see the inside of my home).

  10. Oh man…Robert Smith was the first thing I noticed on that Blue Monday cover :( Also, I want a $30 Tribble :( What a way to start my morning. (In my defense, I’m not actually *getting* a $30 Tribble…no defense for noticing RS first, though!)

  12. Why is the tribble any worse than other stuffed toys that wobble, shake and emit noises (of which there are many)? The price might be a bit steep but then again the $60 statue of some girl holding her underwear is a bit steep. Heck, most of the stuff in Previews is somewhat overpriced!

    Anyway, that tribble could double as the Shat’s hairpiece. Double the fun for the price.

  14. Why is the tribble any worse than other stuffed toys that wobble, shake and emit noises (of which there are many)?

    Because tribbles are born bisexual. In today’s American lifestyle, that means it’s a terrorist.

    Okay, I’ve got nothing.

  15. Count me as a tribble defender. (Coming soon to Cartoon Network: “Tribble Defenders!”) When I went to my very first sci-fi convention, some 30 years ago, I bought a stuffed tribble. I doubt it was a licensed product, and it didn’t even have an “agitated mode.” But I still have the thing.

    C’mon, this is Previews we’re talking about. Thirty bucks for an electronic tribble is a bit steep, but no way it’s the stupidest thing ever to appear in the catalog. I doubt it’s the fiftieth stupidest thing to appear in THAT ISSUE.

  16. Hell, I could wrap a toupee around a rock and sell it for $30. And people would buy it (especially if I say it was Shat’s). Still doesn’t make it anything other than stupid.

  17. Step 1: Draw a cover like this.
    Step 2: Chris Sims gives you all of his money.

    Step 3: PROFIT!

  19. I’m still disgruntled that they didn’t cast Bruce Campbell as the Spirit, like that rumour had it many years ago.

    And the Blue Monday cover looks better in black and white.

  21. Hold on, Betty can’t be dead – she isn’t barefoot. In fact, NONE of them are. What’s the point of an Abbey Road homage if you screw it up?

    Great, I’m yelling at the Internet about an Archie comics/Abbey Road homage cover. Sims, you diabolical genius! Still, as long as I’m here, I’d like to point out that the cover also features Escher physics – there’s no way the gang’s legs could cross like that when they’re stepping forward off opposite feet. And now I’m going to go lie down for a while.

  22. C’mon, this is Previews we’re talking about. Thirty bucks for an electronic tribble is a bit steep, but no way it’s the stupidest thing ever to appear in the catalog.

    You’re wrong.

  23. I don’t see why you need to give them all of your money, you could just buy one copy and then look at the cover whenever you like.

    These are called “jokes,” Trevor. You might have noticed that I write a few from time to time to break up the monotony.

  27. …I have come to realise that I would buy the hell out of a comic called Sexy Prison. Thank you, Sims, for this valuable insight.

    I wonder what will happen when Sims drops the concept of “Matt Fractionest moment of the day.”

    Matt Fraction is allready the Fractionest moment of any given day. To declare any others is redundant.

  28. I won one of those tribbles from the local TV station when I was a kid. I used to throw it at my cat all the time.

  30. Hey Chris,
    Have you ever reviewed “The Dark Tower” or “The Stand?” I saw them in the shop and the art actually looks pretty good. Now, I’ve never hated an ending to a series more than “Dark Tower,” but are either worth picking up?

  31. Afraid I haven’t, Ley. A Peter David adaptation of a Stephen King book with art by Jae Lee is like three things that I’m COMPLETELY not interested in.

    Although Jae Lee’s art is the best it’s ever been, from what I’ve seen.

  32. If stories about the Four Horsemen are not considered art then I would like to officially declare that I have no interest in art whatsoever.

  33. I hate to be this guy (no I don’t) but it’s Haligonian not Halifaxian. Which is my next favourite citizen label after Liverpudlian (my wife is from there, spent too much time there during University).