A 1200-Word Review of Marmaduke: The Movie

 

 

As if I didn’t watch enough terrible movies already…

As some ComicsAlliance readers are probably aware, the time that I don’t spend writing about Batman is spent (among other things) reviewing the worst movies I can find on Netflix. This, according to ComicsAlliance Editor-in-Chief Laura Hudson, made me the perfect choice to head to the theater to catch “Marmaduke,” the new film based on the long-running newspaper strip.

As you might expect, Laura and I are no longer speaking to each other.

Yes, this week my job involved going to an actual movie theater and watching Marmaduke, and if you’re after the short version, here you go: It is not very good.

Also, as a fun challenge, see if you can find the spot in the review where I had to cut out an f-bomb!

12 thoughts on “A 1200-Word Review of Marmaduke: The Movie

  1. Also, as a fun challenge, see if you can find the spot in the review where I had to cut out an f-bomb!

    My guess: your original review consisted of the word “fuck” repeated 1200 times.

  2. As someone familiar with the strip (they run it in the Sunday comics here), can someone explain to me why Marmaduke talks in this film? He doesn’t talk in the strip. He doesn’t even thought balloon, like Garfield. Seriously, what the hell?

    What’s next? Chris Tucker as Henry? Gilbert Gottfried as Ferd’nand?

  3. “Swap out Marlon Wayans for Steve Buscemi and that’s basically a Coen Brothers movie. It’s mind-boggling how they all ended up in this thing.”

    No need to swap him out, seeing as how Marlon Wayans has actually been in a Coen Brothers movie.

    Also, I’m guessing between “this” and “thing” is where the f-bomb was meant to go.

  4. “Also, as a fun challenge, see if you can find the spot in the review where I had to cut out an f-bomb!”

    I’m gonna guess it went between “it” and “exists” in this line:

    “”Marmaduke” faced a pretty unique challenge in winning me over as a moviegoer in that I have absolutely no idea why it exists.”

  5. Also, as a fun challenge, see if you can find the spot in the review where I had to cut out an f-bomb!

    Maybe the part about the wolves?

  6. This is just where I like to put it (that’s what she said!):

    That was actually kind of awesome, as I was able to spend a few minutes thinking about how fucking great “Point Break” is instead of paying attention to Marmaduke farting, but I can’t imagine that was the filmmakes’ actual intent.

    Also, you’re clearly a classier guy than I — I don’t think I could have resisted putting in something like “And now we know why Owen Wilson tried to kill himself.”

  7. As someone else pointed out, Marmaduke doesn’t talk in the strip. So this was obviously a script floating around for many, many years (Wayne’s World references, yet!) until somehow the Marm name got attached. And now you know. . . . .the REST of the story!

  8. “My guess: your original review consisted of the word “fuck” repeated 1200 times”

    Spider Jerusalem: The chris Sims Story. Soon on NBC…