Bring It On Week: The Rundown

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Under normal circumstances, I think it’s safe to assume that most of my audience has a general idea of what I’m talking about, even when it’s something as obscure as, say, The Vagabond. But when it comes to an undertaking like Bring It On Week, I realize that there are a few unfortunate souls out there who might not have the familiarity with the subject matter that I do.

If only there was some format–perhaps one that I was known for–that I could use to explain the gist of the movie in a timely manner… Oh wait!

 

 

Ah yes. That’ll do just fine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And so…

 

 

And that’s the basics. If you want to find out about Sparky Polastri, however, you’ll have to watch it yourself.

 

 

TONIGHT’S BRING IT ON WEEK CHEERFILIATE:

 

That’s right, folks: Not even the mighty ISB can contain the furious rampage that is Bring It On Week! So in order to spread the good word, I’ll be highlighting the participants in this week’s Cheerabrations!

Tonight, it’s friend of the ISB and Chop Chop Scholar Dr. K, whose love of the Bring It On sequels eclipses even my own, and his scholarly examination of The Cheer Lexicon! Do you dare miss his examination of the various forms of Cheervernment?

I think not.

57 thoughts on “Bring It On Week: The Rundown”

  3. So I think you’re being devious and throwing out subtle hints that Skiptracers features bikini carwash scenes or cheerleaders. Or both. Hmmm, Lemmy and Kung Fu Jones in the Starskymobile getting hosed down by Eliza Dushku and Haydn Panettiere, prior to fighting dinosaurs… I need to lie down for a minute.

    Cheers!
    Mal

  5. Am I to understand, Zac, that you want me to “man up”, by embracing a mediocre teenybopper film whose fanbase consists roughly of teenage girls and one (1) comics blogger?

  6. I’m enthusiastic, but a bit confused. Is ponytail girl betraying her cheer team when she slams Torrance? How does she regain their trust? Also, is Torrance saying that her team’s small vices appear through their tatter’d clothes? Because I like their tatter’d clothes!

  7. Uh oh! I don’t think Trevor appreciates the subtle genius of this movie. Sure it could be improved upon. But it possesses a subtle yet elegant genius. Don’t be a hater Trevor! Embrace the plucky-can-do attitude of competetive Cheer!

  10. First and foremost,I’m relieved that a series of stick figures did not arouse me in any way.There’s hope for my soul yet.Secondly, I’m a little disappointed we didn’t see stick-figure Big Red or a shot of Carter being dumped on her fat behind.At least that would have brought some level of violence to the post.But overall grade A-.

  15. Seriously, the people bitching about this movie, are they familiar with the charms of girls in short skirts? Because I’m getting this strange vibe that they aren’t, and it’s perplexing.

  16. At first I thought this was going to be a crossover between “Bring it On” and “The Rundown.” But then it turned into something even MORE AWESOME.

  17. For Peppy:
    Claire Kramer, who plays one of the Cheerleaders was also Glory on Buffy. Ah the wonder that is IMDB. :)

  22. Gordon–Apparently wanting to watch girls in short skirts means you’re gay. At least according to people in yesterday’s post.

    Now, if Chris was devoting a week to movies about beefy young high school wrestlers who overcome adversity, they might have a point…

  23. Human civilization reaches its zenith with this post. Future historians will look back and point to this spot and say “After this, it was all downhill.”

  24. Now, if Chris was devoting a week to movies about beefy young high school wrestlers who overcome adversity, they might have a point…

    You guys think Bring It On Week is something, just wait for High School Musical In 30 Seconds.

  25. Coming out of lurkerdom to point out (thanks to IMDB) that Claire Kramer played Glory on Buffy AFTER Bring it On was made, so therefore she could not have compared notes on fighting her with Eliza Dushku. FAIL! (And, yes, you could say the same thing about the Faith/MJ joke, but that’s not presented as essential to the plot.)

    Also, man did I hate Glory. One joke that got old real fast.

  26. Great recap. However, I am a bit disappointed that no reference was made to the obligatory “Look! Jesse Bradford plays guitar!” scene that he undoubtedly insists on when taking on any role.

  27. Dorian: Would that be Vision Quest Week? That one’s packed with Modine!

    I’ll go back to waiting for Bring It On screen-caps now.

  28. Dorian – If wanting to watch Eliza dance around in a short miniskirt makes me gay, serve me up a big old bowl of gay.

  30. That hose isn’t attached to anything. Those cheerleaders aren’t even pretending this is about washing cars.

    God bless ’em.

  33. All trophies should be drawn as the Stanley Cup, since everyone knows that it is unquestionably the greatest trophy known to man (take that Nobel!).

    That said, the Cup’s heft would have snapped her little stick figure arms…not pretty.

  34. I think that this may be the greatest thing I have ever witnessed.

    I was, myself, a cheerleader for seven years (before switching to rugby – go figure) and “ka-basket toss” might be the most splendiforous cheer-noise I’ve ever heard.

    Also, “herky” should now and forever be used in the place of “biff”.

  35. I dunno if everyone else read a different Bring It On In 30 Seconds, but I thought it was genius — GENIUS, I TELL YOU! But then again, I liked the movie, and thought it was entertaining, so maybe I’m part of its built-in audience.

  36. I can’t remember if it’s Bring It On that I liked, or the one where the cheerleaders become bankrobbers.
    Honestly? I probably liked them both. I support this week.
    The naysayers can exercise their option to just sit around and, you know, read comics this week.
    Those are pretty fun too.

  37. I can’t remember if it’s Bring It On that I liked, or the one where the cheerleaders become bankrobbers.
    Honestly? I probably liked them both. I support this week.
    The naysayers can exercise their option to just sit around and, you know, read comics this week.
    That’s pretty fun too.

  40. I had to watch that panderous piece of pre-packaged popculture propaganda not once, but three times during my graduation trip. I was the target age for such a movie at the time, so I should have enjoyed it. But I just found it tired, cliched and insulting. It was a film engineered to force gullible teenagers and members of a lower common demoninator who will pay to see anything with girls in short skirts in it. If the movie had been a parody of the genre or a straight forward sports movie I might have enjoyed it, but I got the feeling it was just R-Rated material that had been dulled down to make it marketable to the PG-13 crowd.

    It wasn’t even fun! I can forgive a movie that contains the same old teen movie conventions if it has any fun or satirical bite too it (see “The New Guy”, or “Election”) but BIO was just so bland. The soundtrack was okay, and the bits with the choreographer were funny, but that’s about it. I have tried to watch it again on several occasions, but my impression is always the same.

    If you want to see a real feel-good movie about a bunch of underdogs rising to conquer an obscure sport, I suggest “Roll Bounce”. Not only does it have a better soundtrack, better characters, and Charlie Murphy, but it features a character who calls himself “Sweetness”.

    I can only hope that the only reason Chris has dedicated a whole week to this movie is because he appreciates it ironically.

    I have put way too much thought into this.

  41. And the movie Zachary was thinking of was “Sugar & Spice” which I did enjoy.

    And I will say that the “…In 30 Seconds” series always delivers the laughs. Good show, Mr. Sims. Certainly better than on movie on which it is based.

  42. Somehow, it’s just not a Chris Sims 30 Second Spectacular to me unless somebody calls somebody “douchebag.”

    A-

  43. That was eight different types of metal Sims.

    Kudos to you.

    Also, fun trivia, Claire Kramer and Eliza Dushku also appeared together in an episode of Tru Calling.

    Which I have never seen.

    Cause I’m a dude.

    (Bring it On Week is great!)

  45. Actually, one GLARING omission.

    The dance instructor. Mr Sweater Monkeys. Where is he? Why have you omitted the best part of the film? Or does his scene warrant its own 30 second recap? I say it does.

    Hell, if there were a cross over, between him and OMAC… the joy… I must now excuse myself for a few minutes.

  47. God bless Chris Simms, for understanding what is true and beautiful about life. BIO is not only the best Cheerleader movie ever made, it fufills destiny by being the only cheerleader maovie that ever needs to be made. It is complete; it is the Alpha & Omega of Cheer movies – thereby clodsing that door of human endeavor and allowing us to sleep nights without having to contemplate what a proper cheerleader movie should look like. I, for one, am entirely grateful.

  49. Somehow, it’s just not a Chris Sims 30 Second Spectacular to me unless somebody calls somebody “douchebag.”

    Rats. I knew I forgot something.

  51. I applaud this format shift. In fact, I’m all for a bikini movie week (Bikini Car Wash, etc.). Of course, I’m the guy that sent you “Big Boobs Buster” in the mail so maybe I’m kind of a one-trick pony.

  53. shit. that was funnier than anything i will buy off the rack tomorrow. i can’t believe i actually want to see bring it on now. thank god netflix delivers the movies in discrete unmarked envelopes.

  57. Oh man. I am SO glad it consistently infuriates at least half of the ISB’s fan base every time Chris brings up Bring It On. Because on its own, these articles would only be amusing, but once I begin reading all the angry posts, it gets hilarious.

    And I am so glad that right at the end here, people began mentioning the cheerleaders suddenly lapsing into Shakespeare quotes, because that was the best part of all. Most of all because it immediately followed “You stole our Urban Flava.”