Crime Does Not Pay! (Except In Comics)

And here’s another hit, Barry Bonds!

 

 

My latest article for ComicsAlliance is up today, so click on over and check out a brief history of crime comics from the heyday of the Golden Age to the Marvel’s recent line of noir-inspired takes on heroes like Daredevil and the Punisher who, what with all the crooked boxing and revenge killings, apparently weren’t noir enough already.

One of the fun things about putting these galleries together is that when I occasionally deign to do research, I’ll often find out something really interesting. This time around, it was Justice Traps the Guilty, which I was only vaguely aware of until Kevin was able to hook me up with a bit. Of course, like it says in the article, it didn’t really come as a shock that Simon and Kirby did crime comics. After all, they did pretty much everything else.

Anyway, enjoy the read, and if you’ve got a favorite crime comic, leave a comment at ComicsAlliance!

ComicsAlliance: The Strangest Moments of the Doom Patrol

 

 

Today on ComicsAlliance, I do my best to prepare you for this week’s release of Doom Patrol (v.5) #1 by recounting twelve of the team’s most bizarre moments!

As you might expect, there’s a lot from the Grant Morrison run, which reveled in surreality more than anything else he’s done, but I also made sure to include a hefty selection from the original run, which was only surpassed in terms of craziness by Haney’s Metamorpho and Kanigher’s Metal Men. In any case, it’s one of my favorite series, and it was fun to take a look back.

So head over there and check out what I picked out as the epitome of craziness for the strangest team of all, and if you’ve got a favorite, leave it in the comments section over there. After all, I’m pretty sure there’s enough weirdness in that book to go around.

Cracked.com: Cobra Commander’s Most Ridiculous Terror Plots–And How They Might’ve Worked

 

 

Long-time ISB readers might recall that when I broke back into paid comedy writing, it was as a contributing editor to CRACKED Magazine and the popular website that spun out of it. It’s been a while since I contributed over there, but the impending release of the GI Joe movie gave me the chance to return for a look at Cobra Commander’s Most Ridiculous Terror Plots and the real-life events that prove they might’ve actually worked!

Yes, that’s right: An Internet comedy article based around a cartoon from the ’80s. It’s a pretty new idea, but I think it’s just crazy enough to work.

In any case, it gave me an opportunity to explore my favorite thing about Cobra Commander, which is that his plans are completely insane, yet they were considered such a threat that a strike team composed of the greatest soldiers in the entire military had to devote their entire schedule to dealing with him. Sadly, my comparison of his sinister mind-control plots to the continuation of Last Call with Carson Daly (which those of you who follow me on Twitter will recognize as my televised nemesis) was cut out, but there’s still a lot of fun to be had there, so give it a read.

And please enjoy the bonus hilarity of the comments section, which took less than an hour to become the perfect storm of “birthers,” Internet comedy critics, and Juggalos.

Now is The Beginning of a Fantastic Scott Pilgrim Story…

 

 

For this week’s article on the ComicsAlliance, Laura Hudson and I react to the news of the upcoming Scott Pilgrim video game by taking a look at the many awesome video game references Bryan Lee O’Malley packs into the series.

It’s no secret that I love the Scott Pilgrim books with a passion–and really, if you haven’t read them, what are you doing with your life?–and the fact that O’Malley’s able to hit that nostalgia button to take me back to weekends of marathon NES sessions (as opposed to today’s marathon XBox 360 sessions) while doing something I never would’ve expected is a huge part of why they’re so great. So, if you don’t mind me tromping in to explain the jokes, please enjoy the article.

Loving Acts of Marriage!

The Hypeaganda Machine Rolls On!

 

 

Yes, believe it or not, there was a time when the wedding of a major character was not only not shown on panel, but you had to find out about it from a questionable rag like the Daily Press.

But the Dibny nuptials are far from the only wedding in comics history, and with romance in the air, I’ve contributed a feature on Comics’ Greatest Weddings over at ComicsAlliance today!

So please, read and enjoy, and feel free to chip in at the CA comments section with your favorite memories of four-color matrimony. Or your hatred of Terry Long. That guy is just awful.

Oh, and if you’d like to hear more about the story of the Elongated Man’s dubiously legal marriage in Flash #119 (he’s wearing his mask, for cryin’ out loud!), it’s covered in an episode of Tom vs. the Flash, a great, very entertaining podcast by Tom Katers, who does commentary for every issue of the Silver Age Flash, and it’s worth it for his cataloging of Central City’s many caves and park benches alone.

Brutal Acts of Violence!

 

 

I’ve got a piece up today for Complex Magazine, where I sift through my long boxes to bring you The 40 Most Violent Comics Ever!

Of course, the standard caveat of all Most _____ Ever lists applies to this one, in that it may not be as definitive as the name implies. There are a couple of omissions that jumped out at me once I’d read through the finished product, like Invincible, which (as pictured above) has a blood-soaked, hyperviolent punch-out about once a year, and I’ve been told more than once that my omission of Miracleman #15 is downright unforgivable. Plus, there’s stuff that I just overlooked, like the undoubtedly violent Kick Ass, the inclusion of which would’ve meant I actually had to have read Kick Ass.

Beyond that, though, my fingerprints are all over this thing (as you might expect from the fact that I, you know, wrote it) with the inclusion of OMAC, Walt Simonson’s bone-shattering run on Thor, and at least two Batman stories. But I think it’s pretty fun.

Anyway, thanks to Complex for putting it up it a nifty gallery format, and especially John Parker for writing the trivia bits for each entry. So please enjoy, and if you do, pass it along to your friends, and maybe they’ll ask me back to do The 40 Most Awesome Times Batman Punched a Guy (Volume One: 1939 to 1948).

Who’s Dead In the DCU?

Today at ComicsAlliance, I’m preparing readers for DC’s Blackest Night by giving the odds on which deceased characters are going to be making comeback to the world of the living as members of the Black Lantern Corps!

Writing this one was an interesting exercise for me, both because of the fact that I had to think up characters that have stayed dead, and because it raised an interesting question about characters that don’t exist in the “present” of the DC Universe. I mean, really, why would you bother resurrecting Aquagirl or Dr. Light when you could have this guy?

 

 

Sure, his body’s been taxidoimied, but it’s also been to a post-apocalyptic future and back, so I think it’s fair to say that any ties to science are now completely off the table. So please, click on over and check out the article–which includes another gang of characters that have long since shuffled loose the ol’ mortal coil–and feel free to share your own suggestions in the article’s comments!

Also, a special shout-out and thanks to my pal Scott–now appearing on his worldwide Dreamtour!–for reminding me about Driq.