Let’s be real for a second, here, folks.
Last night, I posted Tony Jaa’s flaming 720 face-kick, and considering that it’s a major contender for the title of Most Awesome Thing Ever, there’s not a whole heck of a lot I can do to top that. So tonight, why don’t we kick off this month’s look at the back half of Previews with what I’m pretty sure is the exact opposite?
The Previews Apparel Section, ladies and gentlemen. ALL CLASS.
Now let’s see what other treasures are lurking within the pages, with a stern look at the small press and the merch!
P. 208 – Faster Pussycat, Kill! Kill! DVD:
I’m not sure what the heck it’s doing mixed in with the comics, but the important thing here is that the Russ Meyer classic which no fan of ’70s exploitation movies should be without is back in print and available–of all places–at your local comic book store. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the film (and I wouldn’t blame you, since I only saw it thanks to a VHS copy I borrowed from Dr. K that he taped off a 2 AM showing on TCM), here’s how the film’s described on the box itself:
FASTER PUSSYCAT, KILL! KILL! is the story of a new breed of SUPERWOMEN emerging out of the ruthlessness of our times! We are introduced to three BUXOM Go-Go girls: VARLA, ROSIE, and BILLIE, wildly dancing the Watusi before the leers, jeers and lecherous come-ons of their drooling all-male audience! The violence, implicit in the girls’ tease, is quickly moved out of the microcosmic bar into the outside world as they literally let go of themselves, embarking on a wild, violent, deadly journey of vengeance on all men! VARLA, the outrageously abundant KARATE MASTER leader of the pack, breaks the arms and back of one man, runs her Porsche over two others, grinds a fourth, a muscleman, against a wall and, eventually, deliberately goes down the path of her own self-destruction, dragging her two BUXOTIC cohorts along with her!
That’s right, folks: a BUXOTIC KARATE MASTER on a JOURNEY OF VENGEANCE. Further discussion on your need to purchase this film should not be necessary.
P. 217 – Helen Killer #1: And while we’re on the subject of the genius high concept, we have this.
Those of you who read the comments section of last night’s post might’ve noticed that Benito Cereno, the scholar and gentleman behind the great Tales From the Bully Pulpit and Hector Plasm, stopped by to point this one out to me, and it’s a good thing he did, because Helen Killer sounds like pure gold. If you don’t have a Previews handy, here’s the solicit:
“In 1901, twenty-one year old college student Helen Keller, with the aid of a fantastical device invented by her friend and mentor Alexander Graham Bell, regains her sight and hearing as well as near super-human strength and agility. Helen is enlisted by the Secret Service to protect Presdident William McKinley, who has been targeted for assassination by anarchists.”
I know I throw a lot of hyperbole around, and I have no idea how it’s actually going to work out, but that is the best two-sentence pitch for a comic book I have ever heard, and I’ve read Mantooth!. Seriously. Words cannot describe how excited I am about a super-powered Helen Keller battling Leon Czolgosz.
Now if only her family hadn’t rearranged all the furniture…
P. 234 – Anna Mercury #1: Warren Ellis is launching a new series at Avatar this April, and in a shocking deviation from his usual work, it looks like it’s about a leather clad tough-gal in what appears to be a dystopian future, and–call me crazy–I think there might be some nanotechnology involved.
But I kid. I actually think Anna Mercury looks pretty fun, which is weird, since it took Doktor Sleepless and Black Summer to get me to take anything Avatar does seriously–a feeling they do their best to undermine every month with stuff like the Lady Death 2007 Swimsuit Special Serpents Edition. I just hope that there’s a crossover with Arcana’s Miranda Mercury in there somewhere.
P. 251 – Klassic Komics Klub: To put it mildly, Johnny Ryan’s humor is not for everyone. People with souls, for instance, might have difficulty with gags like “Gay Homo Hitler” and (NOT AT ALL SAFE FOR WORK SERIOUSLY NO FOOLING) “Baby Stud” (SERIOUSLY. DON’T.), and rightly so, as Ryan does the most offensive comics on the face of the Earth. It’s like what you’d get if Jason Yungbluth had Tourette’s.
For people like me, however, Ryan’s work is also absolutely hilarious, and an entire book of him “adapting” classic literature sounds awesome. (And trust me, wait ’til you’re home.)
P. 284 – DMP’s Monthly Parade of Yaoi: I’m torn here, folks. Every month, DMP rolls out their catalog section, and every month, it’s like they’re playing some twisted game of cat and mouse with me, trying to throw me off my game by offering up what are without a doubt the most ridiculous books they can find, and this month, I’ve gotta confess that they’ve got me.
I mean, do I go with the obvious Prince joke for Love Control, or do I rely on the inherent comedy of two gay vampires frenching while they stab each other?
P. 326 – Queen & Country: The Definitive Edition v.2: Just a reminder here for those of you who haven’t already read Queen & Country: It’s awesome. I’ve been a fan since the first issue hit–or, if you want to get technical about it, since Whiteout–and even though I already had all the issues, I grabbed the first volume to see what the Definitive Editions were like, and I was blown away all over again by how great it is.
If you’re new to the series, then trust me: It’s fantastic, and the new trades are definitely the better–and cheaper–format for it.
P. 358 – X-O Manowar: Birth HC: Really, Valiant? Really?
Okay, look: Believe it or not, I’m actually interested in this, mostly due to the fact that X-O Manowar‘s been described to me as “Conan the Barbarian in a suit of Iron Man armor,” and I think we can all agree that that sounds pretty fun. But man, there is no way that I’m gonna buy a hardcover featuring a giant picture of what appears to be a spaceman gargling a mouthful of–well, I already hit my Adult Content quota with the Johnny Ryan bit earlier, but you guys know what I’m talking about. Sheesh.
P. 409 – The Spider: Robot Titans of Gotham MMPB: I’ll be getting this for several reasons:
1. I’ve been wanting to check out the original Spider stories since Kevin recommended them to me a couple months ago, and while I did get one of the trade-sized reprints they’ve been doing, a seven dollar paperback seems like a much better format for the material.
2. With the exception of Gymkata‘s, “He Doesn’t Shoot Webs–He Shoots FIRST!” is the greatest tagline in history.
3. Robot Titans of Gotham: Greatest title… or greatest title?
P. 450 – Brat Pack: Dr. Blasphemy T-Shirt: This shirt got me in trouble in school once.
If memory serves, it happened back in 7th grade, and involved the same teacher who kept me from being on the school newspaper because I, and I’m quoting here, “lack the commitment to write seriously.” Obviously, I’d never read Rick Veitch’s Brat Pack at the time–and I still haven’t, now that I think of it–but it’s a great iconic design on its own. So I’m wearing it one day, and my teacher informs me that I’m not allowed to wear t-shirts with offensive language on them, and I respond by pointing out that there is no offensive language on my t-shirt, and in fact there’s no language at all, and furthermore, that that’s pretty much the point of said design to begin with.
“Yes,” she said, “But we all know what it means.”
I’m not sure teaching was the right career for her.
P. 431 – Girls Gone Wild Camera Crew T-Shirt: True Fact: If you see someone wearing this t-shirt, it is completely legal to stab them.
And with that, I think it’s time to call it a night, although I believe I’m legally obligated to inform you that I was “just kidding” about the whole stabbing thing. Dubious legality aside, however, feel free to leave a comment if anything caught your eye in this month’s catalog. As for me, I’ll be trying to reintroduce the word “Buxotic” into the American lexicon.
Truly, I am working for a finer world.