Nobody’s Reading on the Weekend Anyway | Chris's Invincible Super-Blog

…A conversation I had with myself on Twitter entitled “Remember That Time There Was a Character In The DC Universe Named Hella?”

Much like Space Jam, I find it hard to believe this actually happened, but it did.

“You know, these days they give a lot of terrible comic book characters very peculiar names!”

“Strange names?”

“Yes, unusual names!”

“Like who?”

“Like this character. Now this character Hella sucks.”

“Which character?”

“Hella.”

“Yeah I heard you, which character hella sucks?”

“The one from Nightwing.”

“Fine, which character from Nightwing sucks?”

“Hella! Hella sucks!”

“FINE! WHICH CHARACTER FROM NIGHTWING HELLA HELLA SUCKS?”

“You’re not listening! The character… HELLA… sucks.”

“The character hella sucks.”

“Yes.”

“Yes what?”

“Yes, Hella sucks!”

“Oh I don’t think so, I like ‘Owner of a Lonely Heart,’ but that’s not what we’re talking about.”

“What?”

“Yes.”

“What do you mean yes?!”

“Yes what?”

“Yes hella sucks. That’s what you think anyway.”

“YES! I DO think Hella sucks!”

“You think WHAT hella sucks?”

“I don’t know!”

“THIRD BASE!”

As you might have heard, San Diego’s Comic-Con International is in full effect this weekend and the biggest stories of the year are breaking fast. But if you’ve been reading them at any of the major news sites, you’re not getting the whole story. Thus, I’ve once again employed my incredible journalistic talents to bring you the hottest, most exclusive, and definitely true* news from San Diego!

Television

The biggest pre-Con news came, of course, from the BBC, which last week finally revealed photos of British actor Matt Smith as the new Jimmy Olsen!

The casting of Scottish actress Karen Gillan as Lucy Lane has caused a bit of a stir among die-hard fans as she’s a redhead, while the Lucy of the comics was a hateful bitch.

Marvel Comics

Dark Reign continues to be the driving force of the Marvel Universe, with things set to ramp up this winter as Norman Osborn takes things to a mystical extreme when he sets his sights on the legendary Book of Sins in Dark Darkhold!

With War of Kings burning up the sales charts, Joe Quesada revealed on Friday Morning that Marvel’s cosmic action will finally return to Earth! But with the fate of the galaxy hanging in the balance, how does Norman Osborn factor into the Raptors, an ancient brotherhood dedicated to destroying the Nova Corps? Find out in January, when Dan Abnett, Andy Lanning and Lee Moder bring you Dark Darkhawk!

She was disco in the ’80s and Flashdance in the ’90s: now Allison Blaire’s ten-year lag in co-opting pop culture catches up with her when she goes goth in Raven Gregory and Sam Keith’s Dark Dazzler!

Of course, all this news pales in comparison to the huge Marvel announcement on Friday afternoon that set the room abuzz. Finally, after years of legal troubles and muddled reprint rights, they’ve made a deal to acquire one of the greatest characters in comics history that saw his finest moment under the legendary Alan Moore, giving us the reprint we’ve all been demanding.
That’s right, folks:

KOOL AID MAN IS BACK!

DC Comics

With the success of Wednesday Comics and its redefining take on the newspaper-sized 14″ x 20″ pages, DC has announced their next amazing weekly project: Bedsheet Comics!
“Our hope is to recapture the glory of reading comics under the covers by flashlight,” said Executive VP Dan Didio, “Only this time, you’ll only need the flashlight!”

Bedsheet Comics will feature a roster of all-star creators like Mike Mignola and Guy Davis doing stories of DC’s greatest heroes printed on fully functional 81″ x 96″ 100 thread-count cotton, with six “linen-sized” pages hitting shelves every Wednesday at $9.99 each. Readers may want to take note, though: Our sources have confirmed that in Kurt Busiek’s Green Lantern, the title character only shows up on the pillowcase.

With the incredible success of Art Baltazar and Franco’s Eisner-nominated Tiny Titans, DC has announced a plan to create more kid-friendly titles based on popular properties. First up–and sure to delight young readers with its spooky fun–is Johnny Constantine: Li’l Blazer!

From the upcoming collection, RAKE AT THE GATES OF HECK.

Independent Comics

One of the biggest announcements of the convention so far was the formation of a new publishing company founded by dot-com millionaire Jimmy Wales and publisher Gareb Shamus: Wikipedia Comics: The Free Online Comic Books That Anyone Can Edit!
“Using the same technology that has made Wikipedia the most popular reference work on the Internet [1],” said Wales, actually going so far as to pronounce the citation tag aloud, “we’re going to create the most popular comics on the Internet by giving control directly to the fans themselves. And since anyone can contribute, the possibilities are endless. There could be a collaboration between Alan Moore and Steve Ditko! And that’s exactly what we’ve been telling the potential shareholders we’ve been meeting at the con.”

“No longer will it be necessary to go on a message board and complain about a story,” Shamus added later that evening, visibly swaying as he leaned on the open bar at the Wikipedia Comics launch party. “You don’t like how the story ended? Go in and change it. Give Spoiler all the God-damned cases you want, kids.”

Nowhere was the blending of comic books and other media more apparent than at the Image Comics booth, where it was announced that in the tradition of Tyrese Gibson’s Mayhem and Milo Ventimiglia’s Berserker, they’re proud to announce an upcoming comic based on Tyler Perry’s Madea!
And what’s more, they’ll all be featured in one gigantic star-packed mag!