Warrior Wisdom Fridays #1



As a service to our readership, each installment of Warrior Wisdom Fridays will provide an inspirational (and actual) quote from the Ultimate Warrior so that those who read it may take it to heart and reflect on how it may improve their lives. Installments of WWF should be accompanied by fifteen to twenty minutes of meditation and reflection, aided by soft music or strong herbal tea.

Hat tip to Dr. K for helping name the feature.

I Need Eight Gryffindors

“Now I don’t know about y’all, but I didn’t come out of Number 4 Privet Drive and jump out a fuckin’ flying Ford Anglia to teach dark wizards lessons in charms. Dark wizard ain’t got no charms. They’re the foot-soldiers of a muggle-hatin’ mass-murderin’ maniac and they need to be destroyed.”



“That’s why every sonofabitch we find wearin’ a Death Eater mask, they’re gonna die. We will be cruel to the dark wizard and through our cruelty they will know who we are. They will find the evidence of our cruelty in the Imperiused, Crucioed and Avada Kedavraed bodies of their brothers we leave behind us. And the dark wizards will not be able to help themselves from imagining the cruelty their brothers endured at our hands, at our quidditch bats, and at the ends of our wands.”



“But I got a warnin’ to all would-be aurors. You join Gryffindor and you take on a debit, a debit that you owe me personally. Each and every student in my house owes me one hundred Death Eater scalps. And I want my scalps. And all y’all will get me one hundred Death Eater scalps, taken from the heads of one hundred dead Death Eaters.”



“Or you will die tryin’.”



Inspired by. And Kevin did it first.

I Swear I Am Not Making This Up

Everything I am about to write is true. No panels have been edited.

The latest issue of Jughead and Friends Digest opens with a story called “Getting His Goat,” credited to long-time Archie writer and Sabrina the Teenage Witch co-creator George Gladir and artist Tim Kennedy.

In the story, Riverdale High School is having a “Pet Day,” where the students are encouraged to bring their pets to school, which will encourage literacy in a way that isn’t exactly made clear. Jughead, of course, wants to bring Hot Dog, but is stuck minding a trio of goats named Amos, Bobby and Donny that were left with him by his uncle, who is apparently a farmer, albeit an irresponsible one.

Rather than just skipping Pet Day, Jughead enlists Archie and Chuck to help out, and after labeling each goat with its initial, they head to the school. Predictably, chaos ensues when the goats spook the dogs and the dogs spook the cats, and all the animals end up trampling the visiting superintendent, who orders Principal Weatherbee to get every last animal out of the school.

And then this happens.



Yes: Since they’ve gotten rid of Goats A, B and D, Weatherbee assumes they missed one, and begins searching for Goat C, as seen in the right half of the story’s last panel:



Meanwhile, on the other side of the panel:



There may be some of you out there who don’t understand why this is kind of a big deal. You are the lucky ones.

For the rest of you, I know. I couldn’t believe it either. This is Archie Comics, the people who make jokes about text messaging that only seem to have the vaguest understanding of what it actually is, and since Gladir’s been working there for at least 47 years, it’s not like he’s a new renegade trying to subvert the system. And yet, there is no way it’s not intentional, especially in the wake of Adam Koford’s Laugh-Out-Loud Cats doing the same joke in 2007.

[EDIT: Actualy, there’s a chance it’s an amazing coincidence. See Chuck’s comment below.]

Either way, I am now freaking out.