With the completely fabricated rumors about a possible sequel to Watchmen floating in from the sinister corners of the comics internet, your friends at ComicsAlliance have taken a look at the worst possible comic book sequels we could imagine!
This one was a team effort, but I claim El Hijo de Rorschach and F.A.W.K.E.S. as my own. Enjoy!
As a service to our readership, each installment of Warrior Wisdom Fridays will provide an inspirational (and actual) quote from the Ultimate Warrior so that those who read it may take it to heart and reflect on how it may improve their lives. Installments of WWF should be accompanied by fifteen to twenty minutes of meditation and reflection, aided by soft music or strong herbal tea.
Hat tip to Dr. K for helping name the feature.
Inspired by. And Kevin did it first.
Everything I am about to write is true. No panels have been edited.
The latest issue of Jughead and Friends Digest opens with a story called “Getting His Goat,” credited to long-time Archie writer and Sabrina the Teenage Witch co-creator George Gladir and artist Tim Kennedy.
In the story, Riverdale High School is having a “Pet Day,” where the students are encouraged to bring their pets to school, which will encourage literacy in a way that isn’t exactly made clear. Jughead, of course, wants to bring Hot Dog, but is stuck minding a trio of goats named Amos, Bobby and Donny that were left with him by his uncle, who is apparently a farmer, albeit an irresponsible one.
Rather than just skipping Pet Day, Jughead enlists Archie and Chuck to help out, and after labeling each goat with its initial, they head to the school. Predictably, chaos ensues when the goats spook the dogs and the dogs spook the cats, and all the animals end up trampling the visiting superintendent, who orders Principal Weatherbee to get every last animal out of the school.
And then this happens.
Yes: Since they’ve gotten rid of Goats A, B and D, Weatherbee assumes they missed one, and begins searching for Goat C, as seen in the right half of the story’s last panel:
Meanwhile, on the other side of the panel:
There may be some of you out there who don’t understand why this is kind of a big deal. You are the lucky ones.
For the rest of you, I know. I couldn’t believe it either. This is Archie Comics, the people who make jokes about text messaging that only seem to have the vaguest understanding of what it actually is, and since Gladir’s been working there for at least 47 years, it’s not like he’s a new renegade trying to subvert the system. And yet, there is no way it’s not intentional, especially in the wake of Adam Koford’s Laugh-Out-Loud Cats doing the same joke in 2007.
[EDIT: Actualy, there’s a chance it’s an amazing coincidence. See Chuck’s comment below.]
Either way, I am now freaking out.
, 2001