Chris vs. Previews: December 2008, Round Two

Tonight, the ISB goes toe-to-toe with the back half of the Previews catalog to pore through the small press and the merchandise! Because really, where would you guys be if I wasn’t around to tell you that dropping a hundred and fifty bucks on this

 

 

…is probably not a good idea.

Now let’s get to it!

 


 

Comics

 

P. 187 – Wizard Magazine: Oh, Wizard.

 

 

Don’t ever change.

 

P. 196 – Blank Comic Books: I’ll admit that while my first reaction to this thing was “Blank comic books?! What, for the people too lazy to drive over to Kinko’s and work the stapler themselves?”, I’ve warmed up to the idea a little bit. The problem, though, is that the solicitation tries to bill it as three different products in an attempt to disguise the fact that it’s blank paper and staples. In the course of one paragraph, it goes from being a DIY tool to a gag gift for collectors (get it slabbed for X-TRA HILARITY!), and if you don’t buy that, well, it’s a convention sketchbook! I mean, sure, you could use it for all that stuff, but let’s be honest: It’s a pack of blank paper that costs ten bucks, and trying to hedge your bets only makes the con more obvious.

 

P. 208 – Sabrina the Teenage Witch #100: My affection for Tania Del Rio’s manga-style Sabrina stories has been a long-running joke here on the ISB, but the punchline there is that I actually do like it a heck of a lot. And really, what’s not to like about a series where everyone’s favorite Teenage Witch joins an underground student organization dedicated to overthrowing the government? Yes. Really.

Of course, it couldn’t last forever, and a forty-two issue run is nothing to sneeze at–especially at Archie, where forty-two issues that tell a continuous story is a concept that’s pretty much unheard-of–but still, the fact that it’s coming to an end and being replaced by the story of Sabrina’s cat before he was a cat doesn’t really thrill me.

Man, Previews! You’re just full of bad news this month!

 

P. 292 – Scott Pilgrim vs. The Universe:

 

 

Okay, Previews! All is forgiven!

 

P. 294 – True Tales of the Roller Derby: And hey, speaking of things I’m excited about from Oni Press, we have this, which combines two things I love: Women’s roller derby and the art of Friend of the ISB Dennis Culver. Culver’s a good egg and a heck of a talent, and for proof, you need look no further than the stuff that he posts on his sketchjournal. It’s great stuff, and seeing him turn his talents to all-girl rollerskate violence is something I’m definitely looking forward to.

 

Merch

 

P. 373 – Ghost Rider “Muerte” T-Shirt: Hey! I didn’t give these guys the rights to make a t-shirt featuring The Vengeful Spirit of William Henry Harrison, from my groundbreaking patriotic action special, The Presitron! What gives?!

 

P. 406 – Jack of Hearts Mini-Bust: The following product has been certified RAD by bitterandrew:

 

 

And finally…

P. 472 – Ah My Buddha! DVD:

Ikkou is your everyday teenage boy with everyday teenage desires. Too bad he’s training to be a priest in a Buddhist temple full of incredibly gorgeous and obviously available priestesses! The temple is usually called on to perform exorcisms, and Ikkou’s iner power is on hand for whenever things get out of control. A little flash of skin (usually a lot) from his female colleagues is enough to supercharge him, but the aftermath involves dealing with an extra turned-on priest whose loins were blazing to begin with!

 

 


 

And that’s this month. As always, if anything caught your eye, feel free to tell me about it, but rest assured: I’ve already got Tokyo Gore Police in the queue.

37 thoughts on “Chris vs. Previews: December 2008, Round Two

  1. Jack of hearts?…really? Theres a demand for that? Okay…all we have left is a bust for Uncle Ben and then it’s official there is a bust for everyone in the marvel universe. And for the record Uncle Ben would totally outsell Jack of Hearts.

  2. Did anybody else hear John Williams’ Superman Theme when they first saw that Scott Pilgrim cover?

  3. I’m curious . . . what would be considered the [i]Citizen Kane[/i] of comic book movies? Or is it a bogus question to begin with?

  4. I’m intrigued by the label on the Heavy Metal sword; it’s not a fantasy weapon, it’s FANTASY CUTLERY! Use it to cut up your FANTASY PORK CHOP and your FANTASY BROCCOLI!

  5. Jason Says:

    “I’m curious . . . what would be considered the [i]Citizen Kane[/i] of comic book movies? Or is it a bogus question to begin with?”

    ***

    American Splendor?

  6. Aww, Michael, I was going to argue that it was a bogus question to begin with — like saying “The Sky is the Cadillac of Saturns” or “‘Bunnicula’ is the ‘Ulysses’ of James Howe books.” If you’re going to take a category like film, and divide it into subcategories and then compare those to the benchmark, you might as well say “A bronze medal is the gold medal of third-place and under” and be done with it.

  7. Did Wizard just inadvertently compare Zack Snyder to Orson Welles? I bet the old fellow is rolling over in his grave right now.

    I mean, if he had the wiggle room, he’d be rolling around in his grave.

  8. A bronze medal is the gold medal of third place and under! I’m totally gonna say that in a consolatory manner (with as much sincerity as I can fake) to the next person I know who gets third place in something. Thanks Brian!

    Also, “vs the universe?” As much as I’m looking forward to it, I have to wonder what the heck Scott’s gonna be able to do after that.

  9. [i]Also, “vs the universe?” As much as I’m looking forward to it, I have to wonder what the heck Scott’s gonna be able to do after that.[/i]

    Scott Pilgrim VS the Batman

  10. That sword is only available in the US and Canada. Damn! I was looking forward to paying $150 for an oversized knife to cut up some vegetables.

    And it’s seriously $10 for a comic book of blank pages? They really think people will buy that?!? Well, I suppose it’s better value than the average Tarot book… ;)

  11. Also, “vs the universe?” As much as I’m looking forward to it, I have to wonder what the heck Scott’s gonna be able to do after that.

    Still room left for “vs the multiverse”, “vs God” and “vs Donald Trump’s hairpiece”.

  12. Since Snyder’s currently good for two decent comic-book movies, and Welles directed one great movie, one over-hyped pinhead-favorite, two half-great, half-garbage films, and showed a disturbing predisposition for casting white boys badly in tasty ethnic roles, I’m willing to give Snyder another decade or two before comparing him to Welles’ train-wreck of a career.

    Damn, now I feel like watching Touch of Evil. Screw Citizen Kane‘s pompous, killjoy carcase.

    Oh, and don’t be hating on the Amaenaideyo, man. Cheerful harem fantasies where the protagonist doesn’t leave me cheering for his gore-soaked dismemberment by Dionysus-crazed haremettes are few and far between these days.

  13. Heavy Metal FAKK?

    Really?

    Wouldn’t the time to have marketted that been in 1998 when two people other thank Kevin Eastman cared about it?

    “I’m curious . . . what would be considered the Citizen Kane of comic book movies? Or is it a bogus question to begin with?”

    If we consider that the real strength of Citizen Kane was redefining the visual style of filmmaking then there’s only one I could suggest: Donner’s Superman.

  14. The Vengeful Spirit of William Henry Harrison…

    Now I know what it looks like inside of Mike Mignola’s mind.

  15. “Don’t ever change” indeed. I don’t think Wizard HAS ever changed since 1992.

    And yeah, the Citizen Kane question is a bogus one. Citizen Kane is famous for utilizing the medium of film in a complete, coherent way … for basically creating a story that could only be told that way as a movie. So it’s more appropriate to say that Watchmen is the Citizen Kane of comic books.

    Which makes me sound like I’m totally NOT fanboy-panting over the movie.

  16. Don’t forget Orson Welles’ final — and greatest role — as the giant transforms-for-no-reason planet in “Transformers: The Movie.”

    I know I never will…

  17. Tokyo Gore Police is seriously one of the most absolutely fucking insane movies I have ever seen, and probably the only movie this year that I actually saw in theaters twice.

    I think for me the defining moment was about 5 minutes into my second viewing, where a guy shoves a chainsaw into a cop’s mouth, sawing his head in half as tooth fragments fly everywhere while the main character rocket-jumps onto the roof of a building when I realized “Jesus Christ, I actually tried to invite a date to this movie.”

    Then came the scene with the whorehouse. Oh my god, the snail and the chair.

    The only way I can describe this is if Videodrome got Robocop pregnant and then Robocop did nothing but chug whiskey and smoke crack cocaine throughout the entire pregnancy. It is one of the greatest movies ever made.

  18. Jer, for a moment I thought you were going to say “Scott Pilgrim vs. Donald Duck”. I would read the hell out of that book.

  19. Re: the Ah My Buddha! DVD, if “the aftermath involves dealing with an extra turned-on priest whose loins were blazing to begin with!” I am overwhelmed with curiosity as to what the result is.

    Do his blazing loins rage out of control until he is a 60 foot lizard rampaging through Tokyo?

    C’mon Previews, you can’t just tease us so and not expect us to go mad!

  20. “‘Bunnicula’ is the ‘Ulysses’ of James Howe books.”

    Truer words have never been spoken, though I’ll always have a fondness for The Celery Stalks at Midnight.

  21. “The only way I can describe this is if Videodrome got Robocop pregnant and then Robocop did nothing but chug whiskey and smoke crack cocaine throughout the entire pregnancy. It is one of the greatest movies ever made.”

    That image will be in my head for WEEKS.

  22. I am torn.

    On one hand eight weeks until a new Scott Pilgrim is eight weeks until a new Scott Pilgrim!

    On the other hand it’s also eight weeks until the penultimate Scott Pilgrim and coming to grips with the eventuality of no Scott Pilgrim. And where do I go then for my loving detailed cartoon rendition of local shithole music venues, public libraries, and Second Cups? WHERE!?

  23. Wizard has changed a hell of a lot since ’92. Back in the early nineties, Wizard was willing (once in a blue moon) to say something bad sucked. Now, they praise the shit otu of anything- hell, look at all the glowing pieces they did for the Catwoman and Elektra movies, the fact that they love Ultimates 3 and Red Hulk, and the fact that they still cover All Star Batman as thoughit were anything but self-parody.

    But to be fair, they might not be THAT far off in this one. Comparatively speaking, Watchmen could easily be the Citizen Kane of comic movies. It’s based on a smart story, with a solid cast, and Snyder even uses some of Welles’ cinematographic tricks…as long as it isn’t a complete train wreck, that might end up being a pretty apt comparison.

    Though naturally, The Dark Knight will continue to be the Godfather of comic book movies, and American Splendor will continue to be the comic book movie equivalent of a Tokyo Story or something like that.

  24. Well, technically in order to be the Citizen Kane of comic book movies, Snyder would have to come up with something that will completely rewrite the visual language of comic movies, and since we’ve already seen a shitload of comic movies using gratuitous slow motion, welllppppp…

  25. Again, Snyder is no Welles, but he has more in his directorial bag of tricks than just slow motion. Hell, saying that’s all he has to work with would be like saying that all Welles had to offer the film world was the use of deep focus cinematography and the occasional clever long take. Those might have been tactics he featured prominently in some of his films, but that’s hardly all he contributed to film.

  26. [i]Re: the Ah My Buddha! DVD, if “the aftermath involves dealing with an extra turned-on priest whose loins were blazing to begin with!” I am overwhelmed with curiosity as to what the result is.

    Do his blazing loins rage out of control until he is a 60 foot lizard rampaging through Tokyo?

    C’mon Previews, you can’t just tease us so and not expect us to go mad![/i]

    Nah, it’s a bit of a letdown as far as the Godzilla department goes. He just goes from being a hapless, horny, gets-the-crap-beat-out-of-him-for-peeping sort of fellow into an insatiable lust monster that the priestesses seem to have less resistance to.

    I’m actually surprised that it actually got licensed…wait, scratch that, I’m not in the least bit surprised.

  27. “Re: the Ah My Buddha! DVD, if “the aftermath involves dealing with an extra turned-on priest whose loins were blazing to begin with!” I am overwhelmed with curiosity as to what the result is.

    Do his blazing loins rage out of control until he is a 60 foot lizard rampaging through Tokyo?”

    No, he spends 15 minutes alone in a room, then falls asleep.

  28. Heavy Metal FAKK?
    Really?
    Wouldn’t the time to have marketted that been in 1998 when two people other thank Kevin Eastman cared about it?

    That’s what I thought, too. They still ride that horse to death, releasing calenders with the Luis Royo paintings of Julie Strain and stuff like that. Who reads Heavy Metal Magazine anyway these days?
    Have to confess, I have an odd, unexplainable affection for the stuff out of that corner, but it really became kind of absurd and sad, since Eastman has nothing more to tell than putting out some issues of that Magazine no one really cares about, rereleasing some stuff he did in the 90ies, and shooting photos of his nude wife, who is marketed as some kind of company mascot. Nothing against those two, they maybe nice people, but as I said: It became kind of absurd and sad…