Chris vs. Previews: June 2007, Round Two

The Internet’s rowdiest rundown for this month’s Previews continues! Last night, I went toe-to-toe with the major publishers, but there’s still half a catalog to get through, and you know what that means.

That’s right, folks: The dreaded Apparel Section. But to be fair, there are a few hidden gems mixed in amongst the shirts that can identify you as a serious zombie movie enthusiast, like, say, this one:



Hey, wait a second! That’s not from this month’s Previews at all! In fact, that’s The Official ISB T-Shirt, one of the many fine ISB products available for purchase right now from CafePress!

Yes, I know: That was a gratuitous misuse of the introductory paragraph. Probably best to just move right along.



P.216 – AIT/Planetlar: I’m not sure if I mentioned it back when I read it, but since Matt Fraction’s Last of the Independents is re-offered in this one, it’s as good a time as any for a quick reminder: This book is awesome. It’s like a crime-oriented action movie set to paper, which is only reinforced by the fact that it’s printed landscape style (but with a nifty slipcase so it doesn’t look out of place on your bookshelf), and if you’ve been reading recent issues of Punisher War Journal, you’ll probably already know that Matt Fraction does high-powered desert showdowns better than just about anybody. If you haven’t already, pick it up. And what the hey, grab The Annotated Mantooth! while you’re at it. That thing’s like the book version of girls making out with each other while things explode.*


P.232 – Archie Comics:

For those of you wondering why I still read the entire line of Archie comics even though the stories tend to be exercises in formula that forget to actually resolve into a punchline about half the time, I give you Civil Chores, wherein a dispute over allowance causes Archie and Jughead to turn against each other in a dispute that tears Riverdale in half. One can only assume that Dilton’s going to build a prison in Midvale to house dissidents like Josie and Bingo Wilkin, and that it’s only going to end when Archie’s gunned down by Betty, who has been brainwashed by Jason Blossom while Sabrina meditates at the North Pole.

And you don’t even want to know what’s going to happen to Chuck.

P.238 – Avatar Press:



Two weeks ago, I would’ve jumped on this t-shirt without question, but after having my “Jimmy Olsen Must Die!” t-shirt (the design of which I still like an awful lot) come out on the same day that I decided Countdown was a nigh-irredeemable mess this week, I wish they would’ve held off until I knew if Doktor Sleepless was going to be as good as I hope it is.

Then again, “Science Bastard” pretty much sums up the career goals of Chris Sims, Age 9, so it might be worth getting anyway.


P.288 – DMP: Is it just me, or do these guys look really bummed out about the fact that someone’s making a comic book about their wispy, man-on-man lovemaking?



I mean, I would be too, but those guys are supposed to be professionals!


P.330 – Oni Press: SAINTS BE PWAISED!




P.420 – Central City Track T-Shirt: I give the folks at Graphitti Designs a lot of crap for the t-shirts they come out with every month (which, lest you mistake this for an apology, is entirely deserved, as evidenced by the Zombie Captain America shirt from last month), but every now and then they come up with one like this. Like the WHIZ Broadcasting logo they did a while back, it’s sort of a stealth comic book shirt: obscure and generic enough that it doesn’t stick out like a huge, tacky sore thumb–Batwoman Metallix Symbol T-Shirt, I’m looking at you here–but anybody “in the know” is going to get what it’s about right off.

Atlantis swim team, however? That’s pushing it.


P.423 – Punisher “Bling Symbol” T-Shirt: And here I thought I’d finally managed to reconcile my love of the Punisher with my love of bling when I custom-ordered these from Paul Wall:



P.426:: With HeroesCon fast approaching some of you might be wondering how you can quickly identify yourself as someone that I really, really don’t want to talk to. Answer? This shirt:


Special Bonus Joke:

Mark Hale: Would you talk to me if I had bought that Arkham Ahtletic Department shirt?

Chris Sims: … I have that shirt, Jackass.

Mark Hale: I figured you might.


Toys & Action Figures


P.444 – Star Trek: The Original Series Minimates Series 2: Despite a thorough, all-consuming obsession in my younger days (read: a socially crippling year in 5th Grade) I don’t have any particular attachment to Star Trek anymore. Even so, I seriously feel the need for a Happy-Ass Shirtless Sword-Weilding Sulu MiniMate.



This is probably why I remain single.



And it’s probably best to stop there. Besides, if I go any further, I may not be able to resist my desire to order the WWE John Cena Spinner Championship Belt Replica (P.470), and I think we can all agree that that should be avoided.

I mean, it spins, people. I’m not made of stone here.



*: No seriously: That actually happens in this book.

17 thoughts on “Chris vs. Previews: June 2007, Round Two

  1. If you like Last of the Independents, you should Netflix up Charley Varrick, the movie that provided the inspiration for the book. (Some would argue that it’s more than an homage, but seeing as how Fraction himself has pointed out that it’s a tribute…)

  2. I would second Kevin’s recommendation of CHARLEY VARRICK, which I just watched this weekend. It’s a great heist movie, with a fun car/plane chase sequence as a highlight. I also love how Walter Matthau makes “boxing the compass” sound dirty.

  3. If those hott yaoi dudes boys were really huffing spraypaint, that’d be pretty neato. It’d be like a Dennis Cooper book with pictures!

  4. Are… are those jewelled Punisher teeth?

    Also, did you ever get back to that dude about that full-page UK advert for Rom Spaceknight toys with the Ron Smith art?

  5. the Scott Pilgrim alt tag is bang on the money.

    shame the shipping costs to UK are so much, otherwise I’d be the first ISB t-shirt wearing chap in Blighty.

  6. Atlantis swim team, however?

    The swimming pool at my university is located in the gym named after former university official Arthur Currie. As far as I’ve ever been able to tell, no one but me finds this amusing.

    Our student center is also named after alumnus William Shatner.

  7. Might a female reader of your blog dare to ask when the ISB t-shirt will be available in a cut flattering to women? Because those big boxy shirts won’t show off the true assets of the ISB on the female form, if you get my meaning.

    – kali921 @

  8. >>I still don’t get the entire “Archie” fascination.

    I this Chris hit it dead on – formulaic stories that are repeated over and over again. Archie is the ultimate continuity free comic. Also – Archie is the most popular character that you forgot about.

  9. Speaking of the Zombie Cap t-shirt, I saw a dude this weekend that was wearing the Zombie Wedding Of Spider-Man t-shirt. Here was our convorsation:

    Young Matt: Dude! I canNOT believe anyone would wear that in public. That’s awesome.

    The Guy: Isn’t it, though?

    YM: Ya know, one of them toy companies makes a statue of that scene.

    The Guy’s eyes light up, as if I’d just told him that Santa was real and owed him a favor. He says: Man, I gotta get that.

    I become dubious of this character. I say: I dunno if I’d wanna explain the premise of the whole comic series every time someone came over and saw a statue with Spider-Man and his half-devourered corpse bride.

    The Guy: They made a comic book of this too?

    Guy had no idea, all he saw was a t-shirt that’d get attention. To be fair, this was at a party for a member of a burlesque troupe, and he and I were about the only people there wearing something besides our underwear.

    Still, proves a point. No matter how tacky it is, someone will buy it. Even if it’s too tacky for the intended audience, some smartass will see it as kitsch. Such is the way of the world.

  10. Might a female reader of your blog dare to ask when the ISB t-shirt will be available in a cut flattering to women?

    Why, every cut is flattering to women!

    Really, though: as mentioned in the comments of the first post on the ISB t-shirts, they actually are now. Check it out!

    (PS: I swear, the thong was actually requested by someone.)

  11. “P.288 – DMP: Is it just me, or do these guys look really bummed out about the fact that someone’s making a comic book about their wispy, man-on-man lovemaking?”

    *squints* Those are guys?

  12. Why, thank you! I have just ordered THREE thongs, and one of the women’s t-shirts; they will go beautifully with my white lace La Perla gauzy girly underthings, and I can’t think of a BETTER way to impress my male companions than by showing that when stripped down to my fundaments, I am a woman of *taste.*

  13. Dangit, now I have to abandon my pride and ask WHAT is the actual title and WHO wrote the wispy man-on-man comic up there??

    (I’ll totally buy a shirt if you tell me.)