Chris vs. Previews: November 2008, Round Two

You know, when I was but a lad, I was always taught not to judge someone by their appearance, and while I try to live up to that lesson, let’s be honest here, folks: Sometimes the way someone looks can tell you a lot about them.

For instance, if you see a guy wearing this

 

 

…it’s probably safe to assume that he is the baddest motherfucker that you will ever meet.

And even more, you can tell that he shops in the back half of the Previews Catalog, which is exactly what’s on the docket for tonight’s look at the small press and the merchandise! Onward!

 


 

P. 197 – Public Enemy v.1: Welcome to the Terrordome TPB: You know, I could’ve sworn that the Public Enemy comic–of which I was a devoted reader–never actually finished, which was a darn shame, because it featured a scene where Flavor Flav went ninja on some guys with a bladed clock on a ten foot gold chain, and that’s something everyone should have in their collection. In any case, it’s offered here in a new collection, and while it is a bit pricey at $22.99, it’s well worth it, as writer Adam Wallenta is a prophet that I think you oughtta listen to! What he can say to you, what you oughtta do is follow for now, power to the people say make a miracle! Pump the lyrical! Black is back, all in, we’re gonna win, check it out (yeah y’all!) come on, HERE WE GO AGAIN!

Whoa! Sorry… Didn’t mean to get old school on you guys. It’s just how I roll.

 

P. 203 – Archie Comics: Well, here’s two things I never thought I’d live to see:

 

 

1. Archie and Jughead roaming around the postapocalyptic future in their hover-car, and…

 

 

2. Betty and Veronica in leather catsuits in something other than my fan-fiction. Truly, we live in an amazing time.

 

P. 228 – Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose #54: You know, we have a lot of fun with Tarot here on the ISB, but one of the things that keeps me coming back is that every time you think that there is no way for Jim Balent’s madness to top itself, it totally does.

Case in point (or cas ein point, if you prefer): BEHOLD!

 

The Mergina

 

Once again, Broadsword Comics has answered the tough questions. Well played, Jim Balent. Well played.

 

P. 262 – More Yaoi From the Fine Folks at DMP: There aren’t any egregious taglines in this month’s parade of wispiness, but while I was reading through, I did find this:

Koh’s dilemma is his fiery attraction towards his brother-in-law Naruki, and he spends his days restraining the dangerous passion that screams for Naruki’s embrace… One day, Naruki is unexpectedly transformed into a strong-willed seme.

Okay, two things:

1. What the hell is a “seme?”

2. Do I really want to know?

Probably not. Moving on.

 

P. 271 – Comic Book Comics #2: I’ve talked about how much I love Fred Van Lente and Ryan Dunlavey’s work before–both Action Philosophers and their current work on delivering the history of the comics industry in highly entertaining comic book format–but they’ve really outdone themselves with this one on the cover alone:

 

 

I mean, Steve Ditko struggling to escape the vice-like grip of a smiling, monstrous Stan Lee? Yeah, that’s pretty much how it went.

 

P. 352 – Teenagers From the Future: Hey, everybody! I’m in Previews!

 

 

Or, to be more accurate, the book of essays about the Legion of Super-Heroes that I contributed a piece to is in Previews, but hey, that’s close enough for now. In any case, it’s been available on Amazon for a while now (hint hint), but for those of you who were waiting for it to be available at your local comic shop, now’s your chance to make sure your retailer is devoting as much shelf space as possible to getting me my royalty check, and read what I had to say about the teenage cruelty of the Legionnaires besides.

Also of note, Teenagers From the Future is a featured item in this month’s Previews Book section, where it shares a page with, among other things, a novel by Anita Blake creatrix Laurell K. Hamilton, and guess what?

 

Mine’s bigger.

 

P. 442 – Creators Labo #19 Kinsetsushien Maid Sangou Chan: Brother.

Masterfully packaged in a clear, round display, Kinsetsushien Maid Sangou Chan comes with real metal chains, a bearclaw-like object, display base“–mirrored for upskirt convenience–“and interchangeable costume parts.

 

 

EDIT: Oh hey! Pal Dave covered this thing in his own Previews roundup, and was as mystified by those things as I was.

 


 

And that’s this month in Previews! As always, if anything caught your eye this time around, feel free to let me know.

Seriously, though. “Bearclaw-like objects?” I mean really.

31 thoughts on “Chris vs. Previews: November 2008, Round Two

  1. 1. What the hell is a “seme?”

    The dominant male partner (or “top”) in a homosexual relationship. I think that answer’s question number 2, as well.

  2. “You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!”

    — Archie Andrews, 2108

  3. Betty and Veronica are clearly wearing the short-lived “new” SHIELD uniforms from Nick Fury Agent of Shield vol. 2, circa issue 8. Apparently the deluxe versions came complete with Black Widow bracelets.

  4. This is more evidence that the Archiverse is perfect and the pinnacle of western literature.

  5. Aw, man. Stan Lee ALWAYS gets to be the Kirbymonster From the Center of the Earth.

    Also? Best part of that Tarot mermaid is that on top of everything else that’s horrifically wrong there, she has whatever the mermaid equivalent of seam tattoos are. http://tinyurl.com/5suzcm

  6. Man, I thought CBC #2 came out MONTHS ago. I should stop bugging my comics’ shop to reorder it for me. No wait the cover says #4. So I did miss the 2nd (and possibly 3rd) issues…

    “You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!”

    — Archie Andrews, 2108

    That should be Gosh darn you all to heck! Archie don’t hold with the potty mouth…

  7. I think the cat ears are a given in Japanese figures, like crazy blue hair, or a maids outfit that would be useless if you had to do any ACTUAL cleaning.

  8. I would have to surmise, that those “bearclaw-like” objects (as there are clearly two of them – and they appear to have a string between them) is a NUNCHUK made of BEAR-CLAWS!

    Temped NOW, Mr. Sims?

    One could take those and place them in the dainty hands of the LENNOX China BATMAN statuette in all his powder-blue glory.
    No one would dare poke fun at him then.

    ~P~

  9. “The dominant male partner (or “top”) in a homosexual relationship.”

    I’m one of those and even I have never heard that word before…

  10. It also means `to attack’ in martial arts terminology. In fact that’s all I thought it meant until reading the above. So, yeah that explains alot about alot of things.

  11. I’m possibly be just disillusioning myself, by I think that is actually a mer-thong, which just brings up even more questions.

  12. Chris, the mermaid’s anatomy is more F—ed up than that – that’s not a mergina. That’s bikini briefs. How the F— did she put on a pair of bikini briefs so they’d fit like that? SHE DOESN’T HAVE LEGS TO GO IN THE LEG-HOLES!

    ahem

  13. And now, everyone who goes to that TV Tropes page will have, inside of fifteen minutes, a minimum of six tabs open, and about to open a seventh.

    No one can resist it. No one!

  14. You know, I could have lived my whole life without contemplating the existence of merginas . . . but now, this discussion seems as strangely inevitable as it is horrific. Almost like a Lovecraft novel ghost-written by Kevin Smith.

  15. I don’t know whether Penny Arcade or Futurama made the joke first, (the presence of the DS would indicate PA followed Futurama) but I like Futurama better so I will assume a stance of righteous indignation towards Penny Arcade and their joke stealing ways. HACKS. (Or just dudes with good subconscious memory but less active conscious memory.)

  16. Honestly, the joke about what mer-folk have down there has been around a while.

    If you’re going to get mad about PA stealing it from Futurama, you should be mad at Futurama for stealing it from Red Dwarf.

    It doesn’t matter. All of it pales in comparison to the revelation in the original Sam and Max comics that pirates really just want the lovin’ offered by a manatee.

  17. I loved the quip about Ditko being caught by the giant Stan Lee monster. And given Ditko’s lack of public visibility, the fact that he’s portrayed as the Invisible Girl is even MORE appropriate!

  18. Seme & Uke do apply to real people, btw.

    They originally come from Japanese martial arts, where the seme is the one doing the throwing/punching/etc, and the Uke is the one with the bruises.

    It’s pretty easy to see why it later moved across to yaoi, too.