“I think Batman & Robin is the best one.”

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Yeah, I said it.

 

 

…but for the actual context–in which I go on to explain that the universally reviled Batman & Robin is the best of the Burton/Schumacher Batman films because nobody involved even seems like they’re trying not to make the worst movie ever–you’ll have to check out the latest installment of the Joe vs. Ken Podcast!

Joe and Ken invited me to call in for the second part of their retrospective on the Batman movies, so on the off chance that you don’t want me to shut up about Batman already after last week, head over to their site to hear me talk about Batman Forever, Batman & Robin, and even Batman Begins and Dark Knight for forty minutes! And for bonus points, listen closely for the part where I break my own No Star Wars Rule and the sound of me grinding my teeth when another guest starts badmouthing Batman ’66!

Seriously though, it was a lot of fun, and hopefully, you guys’ll get a kick out of it too.

64 thoughts on ““I think Batman & Robin is the best one.””

  3. In all fairness he doesn’t kill anyone in Batman Returns.

    That one is fucking awesome. I love Danny DeVito’s Penguin, and Pfiefer really GOT Catwoman.

  4. I don’t understand all the fat jokes about Alicia Silverstone. Admittedly, I’ve repressed most of my memories about the film, but I don’t remember thinking she was overweight when I watched it.

  5. I will have you know that Batman & Robin was the first movie that I ever saw in a movie theatre. I loved every second. Then again, I WAS six years old…

  6. “In all fairness he doesn’t kill anyone in Batman Returns.”

    Did you have a special version where, after he ties the bomb to the fat clown and kicks him down a manhole to explode, 7-Zark-7 pops up and goes “It’s OK folks… that was a ROBOT clown”?

  8. Matt, the “bomb” clearly explodes in a bunch of confetti, as opposed to fire.

    The clown ended up with a bunch of paper on his clothes.

  9. When I went to the dentist to have my root canals, he offered to pop on a DVD so I could have a distraction to watch. The two choices were ‘Yanni Live at the Acropolis’ and ‘Batman and Robin’.

    It wasn’t just that he was a sadist. He was a *thorough* sadist.

  10. I’ll be a man and say it: Batman and Robin is so insanely campy and insanely stupid that it manages to loop around from awful and smack entertaining in the back of the head. No matter how warped and bizarre you think the film is then it somehow managed to top itself quickly.

    It doesn’t live up to the Batman television series that it is so painfully trying to be and trying to redo the Batman TV show wasn’t the right choice for a theatrical film but it definitely doesn’t bore the viewer.

  12. I thought the animated films were pretty sweet. Animation beats plastic abs anyday… or is that rubber? Whichever.

  13. Was a pleasure having you on, Chris. Looking forward to have you on for more comics related discussion. Thanks again.

  15. Pfiefer really GOT Catwoman.

    …

    This would be the Catwoman who gets thrown out of a building, dies, and then is licked back to life by a bunch of cats, yes? Okay, just making sure.

    I don’t understand all the fat jokes about Alicia Silverstone.

    You know, I don’t either. I mean, I never thought she was fat, just really, really, really, really bad.

    Awesome Chris, now I want to know what you thought of Punisher: War Zone!

    I thought I didn’t have enough money to go to the movies.

  17. I’m glad to know you hate the Burton movies as well. I mean, I’m not surprised, it’s just nice to hear you say it.

  19. Not only is Batman and Robin the worst Batman movie, its the Worst. Movie. Evar.

    I wish that were true. How I wish it were true. But I’ve seen D.E.B.S.

    :(

  23. Batman and Robin has many, many, many faults as a film. Many. Way too many to list here. But the fact is, Alicia Silverstone looked good in tight rubber, and I haven’t been able to hate George Clooney in anything since I watched Three Kings.

    Battlefield Earth has no such redeeming virtues. I still haven’t forgiven Forest Whitaker (and, just to be clear, I will never forgive Pepper and Travolta). While both films are immeasurably stupid, at least Batman and Robin had something pretty to look at (even if Uma did wear a gorilla suit).

  24. Batman and Robin wasn’t even the worst movie to come out that year.

    Pepper can be forgiven, because he was in The 25th Hour. Anyone who says anything bad about that movie will be stabbed in the eyes.

  25. That was some excellent use of Justice in that there podcast, it was.

    And yes, revisionist history will laud Batman and Robin as one of the most hilariously fun bad movies ever.

  26. “This would be the Catwoman who gets thrown out of a building, dies, and then is licked back to life by a bunch of cats, yes? Okay, just making sure.”

    All I can say to that is, Because Bob Kanigher. That’s why.

  28. I don’t really see much similarity at all between *Batman and Robin* and *Batman ’66*. About the only connection I might make is that *Batman and Robin* is sort of like the ’60s show if it had been made by people who thought the audience was too stupid to get the joke.

    My “dissenting opinion” on *Batman and Robin* is that Arnold Schwarzenegger was actually OK in it. *No* actor could have done much with the dialogue Mr. Freeze was given (and most would probably do worse – Arnold’s actually pretty good at selling a terrible one-liner.) And he acquits himself pretty well in the few dramatic moments where Freeze isn’t just delivering cold-based puns.

  29. “Arnold was given terrible lines” might be a case of confusing cause with effect. If they had hired, say, Kenneth Branagh to play Mr Freeze they probably wouldn’t have given him the same dialogue. But if Arnold is attached, they’re going to tailor the script to fit, which means stupid action movie one-liners and terrible puns.

  30. RE: The discussion of “The Dark Knight.”

    It only just dawned on me that there are lots of parallels between the best movie of 2008 (TDK) and the best of 2007 (No Country For Old Men.) Anton Chigurh and The Joker are each unstoppable forces of violence and evil, who operate via their own codes. There are no real heroes, and the people that are somewhat noble end up disillusioned.

    I mean, “No Country” didn’t feature a guy getting picked up by an airplane via a hook on his back, but I think you understand what I’m saying.

  31. “Not only is Batman and Robin the worst Batman movie, its the Worst. Movie. Evar.”

    Please, I can run down fifty worse movies before I even dip into MST3k. I’ve seen enough horrifically awful and pretentious independent movies that I could kill you with them in a Clockwork Orange style showing. Batman and Robin is nowhere near the worst movie ever.

  32. “If they had hired, say, Kenneth Branagh to play Mr Freeze they probably wouldn’t have given him the same dialogue. But if Arnold is attached, they’re going to tailor the script to fit, which means stupid action movie one-liners and terrible puns.”

    On the other hand Branagh’s Mr. Freeze would have said, “Now is the winter of our discontent…”

  33. I mean, “No Country” didn’t feature a guy getting picked up by an airplane via a hook on his back…

    Oh, but if it had.

  34. I’ve seen heaps of bad movies too but Batman and Robin tops them all. It takes the insane pretension of something like Roller Blade or Warrior of the Wasteland and combines it with the silly dialogue and costuming of something like, well, Warriors of the Wasteland and then dresses it up with a huge budget
    Its kinda awesome in its over the top campy badness. If it didn’t have Batman in it it would be loved by bad movie fans

  35. I literally can’t watch Batman & Robin. After watching 10 minutes I leave the room to do housecleaning.

    I should buy it just to keep the house tidy.

  37. Ahem. The movie “They” happens to be the worst movie ever made, thank you very much.
    four people in a cabin, listening to a radio while aliens from Mars… or the past… or something… attack Earth. You never SEE anything, but you hear the radio telling the characters to be afraid. Horrible film.

    Not to be confused with “Them!” a much better campy horror film about giant ants.

  38. But…you sounded like a mortal.

    I was expecting something more booming and possibly Asgardian.

  40. I mean, “No Country” didn’t feature a guy getting picked up by an airplane via a hook on his back, but I think you understand what I’m saying.

    Surely there’s a deleted scene where Chigurh kills someone using the old plane with a hook gag?

  41. I won tickets to a preview showing of “Batman and Robin” (perhaps the worst prize ever). The main thing I remember is at the end when my wife said, “I couldn’t wait for it to be over.”

    And does anyone else remember rumors of Patrick Stewart being cast to play Mr. Freeze before they signed up the Governator?

  42. Re: Ken Branagh –

    There’s some pretty weighty evidence that if he had played Mr. Freeze the whole thing would still have been atrocious ice puns. That evidence is called “Wild Wild West.”

  44. I’ve never actually seen Batman and Robin, but it’d have to be mighty terrible to top Lost in Space. That film doesn’t have one redeeming virtue.

  46. I’m sorry for the chauvinistic comment in advance, but the only thing really enjoyable ‘bout B&R was that Silverstone in leather pants. Not even Thurman, who in any other film is an adorably great actress, was able to provide a solid performance in that flick. Everything people remember about this film is nipples, rubber-icicles and Clooney’s comments about “playing him gay”. I guess, If you really are into campy stuff like that 80ies Flash Gordon film (and, of cause, “Batman ‘66”), Batman & Robin must be something of a festival to you. I just got a bad headache, watching it.
    But then again: Hey, Catwoman was even worse.

  47. Simon, respectfully, no.

    I hugely enjoy Batman ’66. One of my favorite films of all time is Flash Gordon.

    Batman and Robin, however, is the only film I have made an attempt to get up and walk out of (my wife stopped me).

    It is not a festival, unless you count a carnival of the damned as being festive.

    One good thing came out of it – incessant Clooney jokes since then about how awful it was and how he destroyed the Batman franchise. That kind of self-deprecation from an A-list Hollywood actor is always refreshing.

  49. @Jeff: point taken.
    Have to cofess that I was a huge Batman ’66 fan as a child, when it first aired over here. It’s just that I somehow don’t really feel like havin’ to rewatch it nower days.

    Nothing against Flash Gordon really, by the way. I understand what people like about that film, but I guess it was just that bit too far over the edge to me. And I say that as somebody who loves The Naked Gun, Airplane, Condorman, The Killer Tomatoes, Married … with children and The A-Team …

  50. Batman and Robin is nowhere in the same league as the Way, the Truth and the Light that is Batman ’66. I just find it to be entertaining in its awfulness, whereas the others are just awful.

  51. [I]Devin McCullen Says:

    “I’ve never actually seen Batman and Robin, but it’d have to be mighty terrible to top Lost in Space. That film doesn’t have one redeeming virtue”.[/I]

    Not even Mimi Rogers, Lacey Chabert,and Heather Graham in Space Leather?

  52. Come on Sims, Batman 89 is far from awful.
    Repeated viewings are not kind, i’ll admit. But watching it the first time, damn entertaining Bat-flick.

  53. Not even Mimi Rogers, Lacey Chabert,and Heather Graham in Space Leather?

    …isn’t Lacey Chabert like eight in that movie? (Edit: No, she was sixteen. So there’s that.)

    Come on Sims, Batman 89 is far from awful.

    Hate it. Hate. It.

  54. My two cents on the two Buron Movies

    The problem is: They’re Burton’s take on Batman, which means they’re more Burton than Batman.
    I enjoyed ’em back then. But right now, when they rerun on television, they realy annoy me.
    I really love some of the stuff Burton did, like “Ed Wood”, which was really awesome, but when I watch his Batman flicks today, the combination of Burton and Batman doesn’t work out to me anymore, like it did back in 89 and whenever the second one came out.

    Plus: I’m really tired of reading how awesome Michele Pfeifer was in her Dominatrix-Dress. Come on, seriosly. This thing may have found it’s way into some “polpular culture icon” kind of thing today, but really … if you look at it today, it wasn’t that sexy as some people insist … it actualy was some kind of goofy …

  55. I finally listened to it on my way in to work yesterday and I’ve got to say I didn’t get the fat jokes about Silverstone either. She wasn’t emaciated but she was far from any reasonable definition of “obese”.

  56. I dont like Batman 89 either, and didn’t then (when I was 11) and no-one who I’ve met more recently believes me! Everyone seams to think I just retroactively dislike it now Im an adult or something, but seriously. It wasn’t a Batman movie, he moved around like the terminator not a ninja, and his Bruce Wayne was too wierd (reclusive with a weapon’s collection on display in his main hall!) make the Bruce is Batman connection to obvious. And dont get me started on “it may be Jack in a Clown Costumn but it sure aint any Joker I know”…. puff puff… anyways. Yeah. Batman movies, such a massive topic for conversation.

  57. I personally liked the weird Bruce Wayne in Batman’89. The constantly killing people? No, thanks. Joker killed Thomas and Martha Wayne? No, thanks. But parts of Michael Keaton’s performance actually seemed like one legitimate way to do Bruce Wayne, especially (I would argue) in the broader context of ’80’s action movies.

  58. “I finally listened to it on my way in to work yesterday and I’ve got to say I didn’t get the fat jokes about Silverstone either. She wasn’t emaciated but she was far from any reasonable definition of “obese”.”

    -Especially coming from the comics reading fraternity. Pot? Kettle? Incoming rock directed at glass house?

  59. Simon, your non-love of Flash Gordon is canceled out bu your respect for the awesomeness of Condorman.

  60. 37Danicus Says:

    “Not to be confused with “Them!” a much better campy horror film about giant ants”.

    Them! was an awsome movie for the time I thought. One bit in it stands out perfectly in my mind. Many films make the mistake of having inarticulate scientists or articulate soldiers.
    In “Them!” , when the time came to go underground after the ants, dour Sarge listens to the scientists speil and nods, looks at his men, “Ok, let’s go” *works action on Thompson Enforcer, steps into Giant Anthole*.

    =]

  61. I’ll cop to enjoying Batman ’89 when it came out, but hell, I was seven and it was a movie about Batman. I do remember staying home from school sick a few years later (12? 13?) and popping the tape into the VCR since I’d already re-watched LAST CRUSADE, and being surprised at how much I didn’t like it.

  62. UncleTigger:

    i completely agree. In fact, “Them!” is one of my favorite movies of the era.

    my father and I love it so much that over the years it somehow worked its way into our Christmas celebrations. I think it was on AMC when we were putting the tree up one year, then it happened again a couple years later… Now we just put on the DVD while we decorate our tree.

    Nothing says Christmas quite like giant ants getting burned with flamethrowers.

  63. of the 90s Batman movies, I liked Batman Returns the best,but overall, the best batman film I’ve seen is The Dark Knight.

  64. I’ve been a viewer of this site for a long time but I’ve never heard the reason for the No Star Wars Rule. What is it?
    And please don’t say “because it’s stupid, it sucks and I hate it”. Be specific, please. :-)