Pop Quiz

Observe the following:



Please note that the title of the story is “The Devil Crabs of the Dark Cliffs.” Is this:

A) The funniest title of Roy Thomas’s considerable career as a writer

B) The reason one does not lie with anyone named “Belit the Pirate Queen” without taking precautions


C) All of the above.

Scratch paper has been provided. Please show your work.



BONUS FEATURE: Extra Credit!





Conan just put a monster in a Full Nelson, and then ripped its head off. Is this awesome?

Y / N

20 thoughts on “Pop Quiz

  1. I don’t think John Buscema gets enough heat. Someone should, like… put him over.


    I’m all out of wrestling jargon.

    At least without breaking into Sheik-Speak.

  2. I don’t know about the Devil-Crabs, but I have had the “Devilled Crabs of the Dark Cliffs” at TGIFriday’s, and they are delicious!

  3. Not to denigrate the Devil-Crabs, but I don’t see “discerning Conan’s mental patterns” as a major challenge.

    I mean, how many does he have? Six? (Maybe seven, if you include “post-coital grumpiness”.)

  4. I’m pretty sure he didn’t rip its head off. He ripped BOTH ITS ARMS OFF. AT THE SAME TIME.

    Nice, clean move. And a real treat when dipped in melted butter!

  5. That’s why you alwys gotta have a jimmy-hat when visiting forign ports. Just common sense, really.

  6. If only the next panel had shown Conan pulling the meat out of the arms and dipping it in butter.

  7. How would one treat pubic lice in barbarian times? As Trey Parker & Matt Stone taught me, shaving does not end a pubic lice infestation.

  8. I think Conan is so farking intimidaing, the lice wouldn’t dare directly occupy his nether-growth… Instead, they would take up residence in his loin cloth, and tell scary campfire tales about the lice that wandered into “The Dark Woods” and never returned.

    And I have now written far more in a single post about male pubic hair than I had ever desired to in my life.

  9. I find it hard to accept Belit as a pirate queen without the inclusion of an eye patch, cutlass, parrot, or black hat with a skull and crossbones on it.

  10. Everyone knows that the Masterlock is inferior to the Hydralock anyway. Also, Conan is the best of all possible Causes of Nosebleed.

  11. Holy crap, I think I have that issue somewhere…

    And there’s no way in hell that Bobby Lashley would have ended the Conan-Lock Challenge. Just saying.

  12. I KNOW I have that issue somewhere. It came in a three pack that also include issue number 100. I got all three issues 3 for 75 (which was a big deal back then)…..I think Buscema’s portrayal of Belit hastened my rush into puberty.

    Way…too…much…info…so sorry!

  13. And that, right there, is why Conan the Barbarian is the Official Comic Book Character of the State of Maryland.

    You laugh, but when the giant mutant crabs rise out of the Chesapeake seeking revenge, and you know they will, you’ll appreciate the lessons of Conan.