Romance Special: The Five Most Vaguely Threatening Lines From Marvel’s Silver-Age Romance Comics

 

 

 

 

 

And of course…

 

 

More vaguely unnerving dialogue that blurs the line between purple prose and Doctor Doom can be found in the pages of the Marvel Romance trade, which features something that can only be referred to as Sterankomance!

 


 

BONUS FEATURE: Crisis On Infinite Sims!

 

Ever since Captain America #28 came out last August and revealed that I do, in fact, exist in the Marvel Universe, I’ve been wondering if there are any major differences between the Chris Sims of Earth-616 and the standard model.

 

 

They are, to say the least, significant.

15 thoughts on “Romance Special: The Five Most Vaguely Threatening Lines From Marvel’s Silver-Age Romance Comics

  1. Is that Chris Sims 616 illustration by Romita? Too bad CS616 has no groinage, but then, I suppose not every comic book character can be Alex Ross’ Citizen Steel.

  2. I bet RealChris has more nipples than 616Chris. But since 616Chris has a grand total of none, that wouldn’t be too hard…

  3. 616Chris seems to be a nippleless, pupilless living Ken doll who carries a gigantic orange X-acto Knife under his arm wherever he goes. Oh, and he also appears to be dating a girl who may be his sister . . . yet somehow, he remains less creepy than the guy in the lower right hand corner with the cop shades.

    I assume RealChris has no gigantic orange X-acto Knife, which is about the only difference between RealChris and 616Chris worth mourning.

  4. yet somehow, he remains less creepy than the guy in the lower right hand corner with the cop shades.

    I think that’s one of the beatniks who usually hangs out at the Coffee Bean.

    I didn’t know those guys ever left the premises.

  5. Maybe that guy in the red trunks isn’t 616-Chris after all. Maybe the girl is shouting that as a warning. Notice that she doesn’t use a comma (ie., “Chris, slow down!”). Possibly she means: “Achtung! CHRIS!!” And the real, much-cooler, 616-Chris is standing off-panel ready to kick sand in that dude’s face. The reason I think this is that I always envisioned 616-Chris riding a longboard. It’s the only way to truly respect the purity of the waves, brah.

  6. “Say you’re married and I’ll shoot myself” is a great thing to yell at a wedding and the priest has just said “…speak now or forever hold your peace”.
    That’s a lighthearted rom-com I’d like to see.

  7. Seems anatomically similar to me, Mr. Sims…or at least to my idealized nippless fantasy of a beach romp with you.

  8. One bit of dialogue that would be awesomely Sterankomantic –

    “Once again, you see there is nothing you possess that I cannot take away!”