75 thoughts on “Secret Invasion In 30 Seconds

  1. Awesome job, and you definitely didn’t miss anything by skipping the main books. Although is this the first major crossover where the tie-ins were as universally better as this? Because it’s actually pretty embarrassing how much better they all were.

  2. I’m still a little annoyed that Herc and his eromenos Amadeus went straight from Sacred Invasion to all this (totally awesome) Amazon nonsense without stopping to look for the real Kirby. I guess that’s been solicited now? In any case, this was awesome. Are you playing… Fable 2? In that picture of your 360?

  3. But I was depending on you to tell me what to think about it! What will I do now? Read the thing? Have you heard how it is?!

    BTW, why isn’t the Devil Dinosaur Omnibus properly shelved in its appropriate spot?

  4. It’s refreshing to find someone who has priorities, and sticks to them — even in the face of massive pimping and hype.

    We, the Cranky Old Men of America, Salute You, Chris Sims!

  5. PS

    And what’s with all these fake ads about Skrull kids eating ice cream?! What the hell’s that all about?!

    …Oops, LAW & ORDER‘s on. Gotta go.

  6. The tie-ins were pretty good with this crossover, at least the ones I read. Herc, Avengers Initiative, Thor/Beta Ray Bill, Punisher War Journal… all good stories. And yet even with how good they are, they didn’t make me want to read the main book. Weird.

  7. Someday, when I’m feeling down and depressed, I will come to this page, scroll to the picture of Katie Power as an angry angry Skrull, and I will laugh all over again and the world will seem a little better. Thank you.

  8. There were probably SOME tie-ins that were bad. I mean I barely glanced at YA/Runaways v. Skrulls long enough to wonder, why did the Skrulls make a Super-Skrull made of ninjas?

    But yeah, the main story? AWFUL. The ending? STUPID. The residents of Marvel-616 who buy that Norman “Cop-Killer” Osborn should be in charge of their super-heroes? MORONS…

    Oh, and Reginald Hudlin should be shot from a cannon so that Jason Aaron can take over as writer on Black Panther full-time…

  9. “chrissims!” is, of course the perfect sound effect for somebody being kicked in the face. Well played, sir.

  10. Oh, that was Batman throwing a battery in that panel? I thought it was him holding a boom box playing “In Your Eyes.” Seriously. And I think that, too, would be awesome.

  11. “Do It the 90’s” is going to be my new screensaver.

    Marvel should totally create a new team-up book with that name.

  12. IMHO, the best tie-ins were ones they didn’t even bother to label tie-ins. I speak of course, of Deadpool #1-3. Srsly, Nick Fury and Deadpool need to work together more often :D

  13. I noticed the M.O.D.O.K. build-a-figure in the background.

    Truly, it is the classiest of all superhero toys.

  14. Herc… 8.5

    Cap Brit & MI13… 8.0

    Initiative… 9.5

    Thunderbolts… 8.0

    Thor and BRB… 7.5

    Secret Invasion… not so much.

    Wow. I’m quivering with anticipation for Dark Reign. Joe Q might as well get it over with, and sign Bendis for the next ten back-to-back maxi-series 616 anti-climactic crossover events to come. Maybe Loeb can write all of the tie-in spin-off titles, too. *sigh*

    (Very funny, Chris. Gracias.)

  15. Goddammit. Now I just wanna see the Say Anything poster redone with Batman in the John Cusack role. Like. I really want to see this. Actually, I think I want to see the movie.

  16. Goddamn I wish Marvel could at least take a 6-month break between these “events that promise to change the Marvel Universe….FOREVER!!!!”

    House of M, Civil War, World War Hulk, Secret Invasion, and now…Dark Reign???

    Sweet Christmas! Enough already!

  17. You are absotively correct; the spin-off/tie-in’s were infinitely better.

    Hercules & Captain Britain chief among them.

    ROM certainly would have made the main series (ie: Bendis’ latest rip-off) much more palatable.

    Anyway… Sims, let’s have ROM : SPACEKNIGHT in 30-seconds!
    (pick a single issue or the whole magilla – you decide)

    If anyone can do it… it’s YOU!


  18. Nice Fable II reference. That game’s conclusion was almost as anticlmctic and unfulfilling as RIPs!

    Can’t wait for the “…in 30 seconds” of Morrison’s Batman run. It just needs to end with “That other stuff? Yeah, I was faking. I’m Batman.”

  19. My response to Secret Invasion was to take a nap and figure someone on the internet would summarize it for me when it was all over, and this does the job with admirable conciseness.

    Also, I’m always glad to be reminded that there’s another intelligent, adult, male human being who’s not afraid to admit to his admiration for the plucky cheer squad of Rancho Carne High. No other DVD in my collection has occasioned such spirited debate amongst those who are concerned with my mental health, but Bring It On is just plain awesome and I’m glad someone else thinks so.

  20. The stupidity of the general populace in the Marvel-616 never ceases to amaze me.

    I mean, these people would overwhelmingly think Sarah Palin was overwhelmingly qualified to be President (oh yes, I went there).

    But, um, Jan self-destructs because of Skrull chicanery, Norman somehow goes from psychotic to war hero, and now we have Thunderbolts Redux with “Dark Avengers”. Blah blah blah.

    Hopefully the next Incredible Herc has Kirby being held captive by a psychotic Hera. That would rock. “MOMMY KNOWS BEST, SUCKAS!”

    (Though, an aside about Incredible Herc. If Hera is out to “get” all of Zeus’s kids that weren’t mothered by her… Athena really shouldn’t be on the list as she wasn’t the product of Zeus slumming around with a mortal maiden, as opposed to Apollo/Artemis/Herc. Which I only bring up because for a comic, Herc has been rather accurate to the source material. As opposed to say, Thor.)

  21. Yeah, Sacred Invasion and the Captain Britain stuff definitely stood out as the creme of the crop. SI:X-Men paid off in the end, whereas SI:Spider-Man and SI:Fantastic Four were bait-and-switch. Neither series contained the title characters!

    We’ll see about all the new Dark Reign series. Punisher using the Skrull sniper rifle on the Sentry ought to be fun. I’ll give War Machine and Secret Warriors a try (provided it’s heavy on the Fury). Dark Avengers looks to be a mini-series. But Deadpool, Agents of Atlas, lady Black Panther, Ronin & Mockingbird? Not so much.

  22. The sad thing is that the Secret Invasion lead-up isn’t what’s going to keep me from buying the Dark Reign comics. It’s the $3.99 cover price.

  23. Nice Fable II reference. That game’s conclusion was almost as anticlmctic and unfulfilling as RIPs!

    I think you missed the point of both Fable 2’s ending and RIP’s.

  24. Final Crisis in 30 Seconds will of course have to take place in 10 second installments seperated by lengthy delays

  25. I would really like to see them bring back ROM in a final splash page of some event. That’d be fun.

  26. Yeah, I will say this: I leafed through the little ad booklet marvel put out this week for DARRRRK RRREIGN which appears to be Civil War done right, and some of the more peripheral titles there are appealling to me. I’m definitely on board for Agents of Atlas, Mighty Avengers finally looks like the Avengers, and having Iron Man put on the run with the revelation the Initiative was a skrull plot all along might actually redeem the character.

    Incidentally, the Initiative as a skrull plot? Is this the first time that the big twist of a crossover was predicted by the readers two crossovers earlier?

  27. Hey, in the last panel, I can still read the swear word partially covered up by the black bar. Have you learned nothing from All-Star Batman, sir?

  28. As a resident of Britain, I would like to complain about the portrayal of my fair country. Where was Londinium’s obligatory pea-souper fog, and the unofficial Bat-Squad cameo? Otherwise: good show, Sims. And a crumb of solace: Nick’s going to be really, really unhappy with Norman. Who doesn’t want to see *that* showdown? Wait – what am I saying? It’ll probably just be a *conversation*…

  29. That Beta Ray Bill panel will have me chuckling ’til the other side of Christmas. Classic.

  30. Agents of Atlas mist be read!!! ROM will be in it!!!

    Also, all the SI tie ins were great except spiderman one…he was not even in it…jackpot was and she died in the annual.

    does suck that the main title was one long fight but all the ties in made it great.

    norman osborn is awesome. if we can have obama as president then we can have an osborn.

  31. Did my “Fable II’s ending was an epic failure” post get deleted? Weird.

    Anyway, RIP was like going to a restaurant that has kick-ass appetizers, and the wait staff fails to bring you out your buffalo chicken dip until you’ve finished the entree.

    Fable II’s ending was like reading a stunning freakin’ menu, and then being told that the only thing they have available is the tofu with weak sauce.

    Secret Invasion was like heading out for the Melting Pot, and winding up at McDonal’s.

    It’s a hard choice ot decide what is the worst.

  32. I don’t know if there’s a connection or not . . . but I fell asleep while reading this post and dreamed I had a three-way with Chris Sims and Alexis Denisof.

  33. Thank god for people like you who actually take subersive pro-active action in order to ensure comics actually are FUN rather than the blood-and-gore people such as Bastich Michael Bendis wants us to lobotomize to believe into by killing ages long dear characters like Wasp or Haweye or alienating beyond cannon believe Spider-Man and Witchie, keep the good fight and remember people, we the readers are the ones who hold the true power, we’re the true believers, as long as we don’t buy they cannot sell! :)

  34. “Yes it did, because I haven’t finished it yet and don’t want no spoilers up in my website.”

    Crap, sorry about that. But, wait… You were playing that while the heroes sat around and did nothing in the jungle for six months… WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVEN’T FINISHED?!?!?

    Good on you… My wife built up the ending so much that I kind of rushed to it after really disliking one forced part I thought was needlessly long, and I was just disgusted with the outcome. I won’t go so far as to say I felt “raped” as I saw many put it, but “robbed” would be appropriate.

    Great game, but the finish left me wanting more for all the wrong reasons.

  35. PS

    Rom’s Motherpushing Neutralizer?

    Or Motherflushing Neutralizer? More threatening, but less hygenic.

  36. I just wanted to take a crack at the “How can games have spoilers?” question. Video games have surprises in them, and those surprises have gotten more sophisticated as games have gotten more advanced. If I told you when the mansion gets dangerous in “Eternal Darkness” or if I told you the fate of Revan in The Franchise That Must Not Be Named, that would deprive you of some of the enjoyment of those games.

    SPOILER ALERT: In “Ms. Pac-Man,” she and Pac-Man have a baby together.

  37. “SPOILER ALERT: In “Ms. Pac-Man,” she and Pac-Man have a baby together.”

    Damnit! I was only up to act 2! Now there’s no point in finishing the game.

  38. While both Marvel and DC are now in full-time eventitis, at least DC pretends to give an ending to its events that isn’t *just* the teaser for the next one. Infinite Crisis: had an ending. 52: had an ending. Goddamn Countdown: had an ending. Sinestro Corps War: included a teaser, *after* the story’s ending.

    Civil War and Secret Invasion both had final issues that read like that terrible “DCU: Brave New World” that teased the new post-OYL series.

  39. I can’t tell which is more a captialistic ploy… Last issues that are compressed to fit more ramp up to the next event, or pointless “teaser” zero-issues that may or may not actually have anything to do with the upcoming event whose banner adorns the top of the cover.

    Also a tough call: whether it’s worse to use the alleged conclusion to pitch the next snoozefest, or have the start of one series (or, even the following issue of a series after an “event”) completely contradict the end of the lead in due to lack of quality editorial oversight.

  40. I may never forgive you for this one, Chris. Primarily because you mentioning that ‘Secret Invasion’ was over led me to go look it up on Wikipedia to find out what actually happened, and the sheer rampant stupidity of the actual ending caused my brains to dribble out through my nose.

    Do they just hand out SHIELD leaderships to anyone now? Is it like a free surprise in the bottom of a box of Cracker Jacks? “Oh, hey, Tony, you’ve been kind of doing a lousy job as Director of SHIELD, so we’re going to hand it to the insane child-murderer. He seems like the best candidate.”

    And the Dark Illuminati is the dumbest idea since…well, all right, since the actual Illuminati, which was a high water mark for dumb ideas. (And isn’t the White Queen a good guy now? I mean don’t get me wrong, I’ve been complaining about that particular plot development since it happened, but that was fifteen years ago, and I’ve moved on. Apparently that was a mistake on my part.)

  41. the Dark Illuminati might be a more credible idea if Victor Von Doom didn’t seem as much of a henchman. He doesn’t really strike me as someone who just sits and waits to be told what the next move is, he should be playing human chess with that bad-ass robot from Steranko’s run and figuring out what’s next.

  42. Norman Osborn in charge of all the superheroes? What’s next, Lex Luthor as president of the United States?

    Hang on a minute…

  43. I have, of course, emailed that panel to the entire “Sacred Invasion” team. Genius!

    Will: Read INCREDIBLE HERCULES #126. We weren’t allowed to address the Kirby situation without fear of spoilers. But now that it’s over, etc.

    Malakim2099: Read INCREDIBLE HERCULES #126 for the full lowdown on Hera’s motivations.

  44. Re: the ending of Secret Invasion, my local comic shop owner has it right. The first issue of Dark Reign should consist of 32 pages of Victor von Doom savagely beating the rest of the Dark Illuminati for even imagining they’re in the same league he is. Heaven knows he looks damned angry about something in that last panel.

    And after they all get out of the hospital, the series can proceed sans Doom, who should be off doing something, you know, interesting.

  45. I don’t know if there’s a connection or not . . . but I fell asleep while reading this post and dreamed I had a three-way with Chris Sims and Alexis Denisof.

    Man, I don’t even know what I’d do in that situation. “Hey Wesley, lookin’ good there, pal. Any way I can get in there? No? Okay then, I brought a book. Holler if you need me.”

  46. Well Chris, you did introduce me to the bizarre pleasures of Punisher War Journal… and because of your enthusiasm, I’m a loyal fan of the Incredible Hercules, which is definitely in my top three “most fun” Marvel titles.

    So I’ll give Agents of Atlas a whirl. You’ve yet to steer us wrong. ;-)

  47. Gotta say “chrissims!” as a sound effect… priceless. I’m gonna make sure i hear that next time i kick someone in the face.

  48. I’d read Dark Reign if they had Namor looking like, y’know, NAMOR, instead of some homeless guy dressed in Sub-Mariner’s old shirt. Jeezis, the head’s completely the wrong shape.
    And yes, White Queen is supposed to be a “good guy” and Doom shoulda deep-fried Osborn just for touching him, Loki– don’t get me started on Loki.