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PROBLEM: Hi Will, it’s me again.
Listen, like most grown men, I’ve struck up a strong friendship with a younger colleague (I’ll call him “Jim”) that I spend a lot of time with when I’m dodging the woman who is desperately in love with me. Our relationship’s usually great, but recently, my pal’s gotten his hands on your Hyperon™ Strength Formula, and ever since, he’s gotten a little…
…well, the word Pa always used was “uppity.”
Just to be clear, it’s not that I’m jealous or worried that he’s going to get more attention than me anything–not like the time I gained the ability to shoot a tiny version of myself out of my hand and people started to like it more than me–but is there any way I can get rid of his powers? For his own good, I mean. Not because I’m jealous.
Mild-Mannered in Metroplis
PS: Not jealous at all. Honest.
SOLUTION: Fortunately for you, M.M., the Hyperon™ Strength Formula is designed with the repeat customer in mind, which means that its effects should be wearing off in the next few days, with or without your intervention.
If I may be allowed to play amateur psychologist, however, it would seem that your problem stems not from the strength provided by the formula (which has now met FDA approval for sale in over eight states!), but rather, the irresponsible way in which “Jim” chooses to use it. Clearly, you need to teach your friend a lesson.
You might balk at this responsibility, but keep in mind that this is a bold Silver Age in which we live, full of new technologies and complex problems that can only be solved by being a massive tool to your best friends. And you, with all your power, have a responsibility to be the biggest jackass of them all, for their own good.
Here’s what I suggest, and keep in mind: I am a doctor:
Simply dress up as the man’s employer and make him believe that he has committed murder.
Then, once he’s thoroughly convinced that he’s taken the life of one of his closest friends, have him thrown in jail, preferably with criminals that he’s had a hand in locking it up:
After a few days on Death Row being bought and sold by other inmates for a handful of cigarettes and a crumpled-up picture of his stewardess girlfriend, your friend will learn the value of leaving the super-strength to those who came by it honestly: By being born with it.
And even if he later discovers your ruse…
…he’s sure to recognize that you had his best interests in mind and forgive you.
And even if he doesn’t, why bother with human friends at all, when we here at the institute can build one for you out of the element of your choice, such as noble gold, trustworthy iron, or even platinum!
Sweet, obedient platinum…
Dr. Will Magnus