From GHOSTLY TALES #82 (October, 1973):
Chris Sims never thought much about ghosts until the day he dared to mock… THE SUPERNATURAL!!
He fancied himself a writer, did young Mister Sims, always having a laugh at the expense of the most chilling stories, finding safety in his jokes the fact that they were, as he said… “only stories.”
Ghosts and ghouls held no terror for him, but the favorite targets of his scornful derision… were actually skeletons!! “Hey everyone,” he’d just written, “have a look at these silly old comic-book covers! They’re full of drawings of skeletons popping up in unusual places, which–of course–could never really happen!”
He finished his typing and yawned, looking over to check the time: Twelve o’clock! As any occultist would know… The Witching Hour! But he paid no heed to the time best left to the creatures of the night, and wandered sleepily into the kitchen for a drink.
And that’s when something… caught his eye!
It was a simple box of Honey Smacks, and the back was what he saw then, leering at him from atop the icebox! A seemingly happy scene of a school… a school that would soon teach him a lesson in terror!
“Huh. Puzzles you can do while you eat breakfast. That’s a pretty good ide–”
He stopped short, his blood running cold as he took a closer look.
“This cereal box puzzle drawing… IS ACTUALLY A SKELETON!! AND IT KNOWS KARATE!!!“
Heh heh heh… Looks like young Mister Sims found out that skeletons really can be everywhere, doesn’t it? But don’t let that scare you away from your breakfast, boys and ghouls! After all.. it’s the most important meal of your life!
Take heart in knowing that the skeleton is currently mastering karate. It is not yet a Skeleton Karate Master, which means it’s bony lack of ass can still be kicked by Batman.
I would totally buy an “I’m actually a skeleton!” shirt.
Just sayin’.
Just remember, that skeleton can only become a karate master because it devours the souls of Honey Smacks.
Part of this nutritious breakfast!
should just eat Froot Loops man, no skeletons there.
Sims never lets you down.
Ever.
First Cobra Kai now Skeleton Shotokan.
The next Nobel prize is heading your way.
The Nobel Committee will never pick a blog for the prize – they are too high brow.
Now, if only we had a hard cover edition of Solomon Stone…then the skies the limit, baby. Chris could conceivably be in line for the Gore trifecta.
What were the other four? I see a Skunk and a Spider.
Now, just imagine if that Skeleton had been kicking someone in the face…
You’ve discovered our diabolical plan, Master Sims. Soon skeletons will be everywhere not just in the places you least expect them.
But I must stop you from telling all the fleshy ones of our evil schemes. I shall master this powerful pugilistic art and then find where you live, Master Sims. I shall find you and defeat you with a boney blinding blow to the spine and a calcified kick to the skull. You are doomed, Master Sims. DOOMED!
MWUHAHAHA..*cough*…*splutter*…haha!
(Also, that’s not a very good picture of me, is it? What is my right arm doing resting on my hip bone like that? And that karategi makes me look fat. *Sigh*)
“I would totally buy an “I’m actually a skeleton!†shirt.
Just sayin’.”
On the back, it should say, “In an UNUSUAL PLACE!!” Or something funnier that I can’t think of right now.
Also, that skeleton’s form is awful, but at least he’s using his hips. Can’t rely much on his muscles, after all.
I have never been sadder to get the cheapo bagged cereal. My formerly beloved Golden Puffs taste like ashes now.
I’m OK with skeletons knowing karate as long as they only use it for justice.
I’ll be sleeping with the lights on for the next month! At least it’s only one more week before Christmas decorations go up at the mall.
This was totally one of your funniest posts ever.
Plus, it was totally skeery.
There are many ways to say this, but I’m pressed for time so I’ll go with the easiest: I love you.
Would this sort of thing happen at Cromartie? What the hell kind of school does Dig ‘Em go to, anyway?
Answers – YES, and the TOTALLY AWESOME KIND.
Breakfast cereal box-back storylines tend to reach a sort of zen state of randomness the likes of which only the likes of Bill Mantlo and Robert Kanigher have ever tapped into in comicdom. I suspect the only reason there hasn’t been a cut out ‘n’ keep guitar that shoots laser beams yet is that it’s already been done.
Someone … or someTHING … has replaced this cereal with a skeleton honed to a keen razor’s EDGE.
Is this cereal endorsed by Bob Kanigher?
In all seriousness, you have just earned dibs on the comic book character concept of a gi-wearing karate skeleton. You need to jump on that shit quicksmart, bro. Brubaker won’t be writing Iron Fist forever.
This is why the internet was invented.
Great, now I have to go on eBay and see if anyone’s selling a box of this cereal. Thanks a lot, Sims!
Or you could go to your local grocery store. I mean, I just bought this thing last week!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I’ll never buy Honey Smacks again!
…Not that that is a hard thing to do.
*Choke*
Or you could go to your local grocery store. I mean, I just bought this thing last week!
AFAIK, we don’t have Honey Smacks in Canada. I wouldn’t normally buy cereal over the internet, you know. Only comic books and por…poises. Yes. Porpoises.