As frequent readers of the ISB may recall from my discussion of it Friday night, last week saw the release of Marvel and Dabel Brothers’ first hardcover collection of their comic book adaptation of Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter: Guilty Pleasures.
In addition to an actual, honest-to-God quote from yours truly on the dust jacket, the hardcover collects the first six issues of the series. I have, of course, already handled those with my highly dubious annotations, but there is the added attraction of a new nine-page story by Laurell K. Hamilton, Jonothon Green, and our old pal Brett Booth that raises its own particular brand of questions.
Thus, in keeping with my goal of providing the Internet’s most meanspirited comprehensive examinations of everyone’s favorite bowlegged enemy of the supernatural, that’s what’s on the chopping block for tonight’s entry into The Annotated Anita Blake. Grab your own copy and follow along!
1.1: The opening caption for this series states that “Once upon a time, you could kill a vampire on sight.”
As more astute readers will no doubt expect, however, the original caption, edited for length, was “Once upon a time, you could tear ass through a mini-mall firing wildly into a crowd of pedestrians and expect to be congratulated for your efforts by a pair of extremely gregarious, mildly suggestive police officers.” See also: 1.5.
1.4: Someone please, please tell me that Sausage on a Stick is a recurring motif in the Anita Blake universe.
Because seriously, if it is? My jokes about Jean-Claude just got a whole lot easier to make.
1.5: Scabbers and Crabman:
Together, they fight crime.
2.1: For those of you who weren’t able to piece it together from the 47 times it was mentioned over the course of the series thus far, this scene contains an explanation of Addison v. Clarke, the landmark Supreme Court case that caused the soulless undead to be recognized as citizens under US law. One can only assume that the ruling was delivered with the same amont of dignity and respect as the “Bong Hits For Jesus” case.
2.3: LOST: One Vampire Hunter. Answers to “Spot.”
Last seen being led off by Officer Cary Elwes, SLPD.
3.6: So, how dumb are the cops in the grim and terrible world of Anita Blake?
So dumb that Anita has to inform them that Vampires like the taste of blood. Wow. Just… wow.
4.7: And here we have Anita, whose fashion sense is so acute that she is only seen wearing articles of clothing featuring vampire penguins and allegedly “clever” sayings, sporting a leather jacket that is at least 40% fringe:
Add that to her swirling, impenetrable mass of hair, and I’m pretty sure that Anita’s a full-time zombie re-animator, part-time vampire hunter, and long-time guitarist for Guns ‘n’ Roses.
5.1-2: These panels contain the first mention in the comics of the Regional Preturnatural Team, which is occasionally referred to by the police as “RIP” despite the fact that acronyms don’t actually work that way. I mean really, you can’t just add and subtract letters at random to make it sound cooler, and if you do, you probably shouldn’t draw attention to it by making it the punchline to what I can only assume was supposed to be a joke.
6.2-6: Yeah, I have absolutely no idea what’s going on in this sequence.
Hell, I’m not even sure if that second panel’s right-side up.
7.2: This is the first appearance of Dolph, who is not to be confused with Soviet pugilist Dolph Lundgren, whose brutal in-ring murder of Apollo Creed shocked a nation into action in 1985. Rather, Dolph and his partner Zerbrowski seem like the Riggs and Murtaugh of the supernatural set, with one notable exception:
Dolph is roughly nine feet tall. Also, considering that he brings in the perp responsible for the murder that Anita’s been trying to solve within three panels of his existence, his main plot function seems to be pointing out how ineffective and completely unnecessary the actual heroine of the story really is. That’s, uh, probably not such a good idea.
Just sayin’.
9.1:
This page would’ve been perfect if everybody jumped up for a high five right before the credits started to roll.
The credits would have to roll over “Simply the Best” by Miss Tina Turner.
You should thank that the sausage doesn’t have Jimmy Olsen riding it.
We live in a strange world when Anita Blake sells more copies than Gotham Central.
Every time I think that this series can’t get any worse, it does. How is that even POSSIBLE?
So Chris, did you get a free copy or anything for your out of context troubles?
Why would they punish him like that?
I just feel bad for the poor soul who gets excited about reading some annotations on the series, and googles “Chris Sims” and “Anita Blake Annotations”, and then finds out the shocking truth.
They will totally freak out.
The ISB: Inducing Freakouts Since 2005.
Zebrowski is wearing that godawful print tie over what looks like a polo shirt. WTF? Who wears a tie with anything other than a button down shirt?
So, how did Anita wind up with Doc Samson’s legs in the last panel?
I’m bookmarking this page and referring to it whenever I feel confidence in my writing ability slipping.
I suddenly feel reinvigorated and will happily start writing my graphic novel again.
The soulless undead being given the rights of US citizens? Please, this is a country that gets freaked out over gay marriage.
127 dollar man Says:
The soulless undead being given the rights of US citizens? Please, this is a country that gets freaked out over gay marriage.”
What are you talking about, 127 dollar man?
The “soulless undead” have thrived in this country for the past seven years. As a matter of fact, Dick Cheney has been able to secure even MORE rights for himself than any other US citizen enjoys.
“No, he’s a vampire. He’s not human.”
Oh really?!
Yeesh! Next thing you know you’ll be calling him “articulate” and “clean”…
HEYOOOOO~!!!
>>Who wears a tie with anything other than a button down shirt?
Frat Boys and Avril Lavigne.
BTW Chris (and OT): Saw you’re reading The Interman by Jeff Parker.
I checked it out from the library a few weeks ago, and liked it enough to go out and buy a copy. I thought Parker did a skillful job of skipping between mild science fiction and mild espionage (i.e., not quite Queen and Country). The tone is unique, and works.
It’d would make an enjoyable 90’s TV pilot. Also, the artwork (which initially threw me off) grows on you.
I actually have a non-snarky comment: I kind of like the coloring on this book. Judging by your scans, of course – I haven’t actually bought the book.
And speaking of Jeff Parker, Sims – I will never forgive you for turning him against me.
Never.
Okay, but if I’m reading this right, Vampires aren’t just “non-citizens”; they’re more like “dangerous animals”.
I mean, I can’t go to the Statue of Liberty, blow away a bunch of German tourists, and then get thanked by the police for my troubles.
Even if everybody I kill is a non-citizen, there’s probably at least going to be a trial.
What I want to know is, what was the original impetus for assigning them sub-human status? Was it enshrined in the Constitution, like slavery?
Wait, I guess not, because if it was the Supreme Court couldn’t over-turn it. so it had to have been an actual piece of legislature.
Can Vampires be created in the Anita Blake world? because if they can I imagine their friends and relatives would have something to say about shooting them in cold blood.
Chris,
She never goes into true depth in the legal details. The series started off with the most tasty breadcrumbs but the trail led straight to the Crotch of Doom.
Malcom, obviously, with his Church is making New Vampires. But aside from mentioning the lawyer friend and how Edward does things in her state that are legal in other states – there’s never anything to clear up how the courts feel about say Richard’s situation where he got Lyconthropy through a bad batch of anti-virus, but where the school board would want him out.
It’d be all so much more exciting if we knew how it is Vampires can mind-eff you into putting money down their g-strings but the courts trust them not to make you bare your neck.
Chris, have you heard the interview with Laurel K Hamilton on Fanboy Radio? It’s sublime, you should have a look for it.
3.6 is obviously a panel from ANITA BLAKE SUPER STORIES.
Man, I hope you never run into Brett Booth in a dark alley. Or a well-lit one, even.
Oh my god, we need ANITA BLAKE SUPER STORIES so bad.
“acronyms don’t actually work that way. I mean really, you can’t just add and subtract letters at random to make it sound cooler”
DO NOT tell the United States military this, or they’re gonna have to change 90% of everything they say.
The CBLDF is offering fans a chance to have an intimate reception with Laurell K. Hamilton at the San Diego Comic-Con. Limited to 25 fans at $500 a pop, you will get the chance to discuss the comics and her novels in person and get two items signed, a signed print, and membership in the CBLDF.
It is for a good cause. At last year’s CBLDF fund reception, I gave them a check for $4858 from the 2006 Nebula Awards Weekend charity auction.
Lee Whiteside
You’d think for $500 big ones you’d get more than… well just Hamilton. Maybe a dancing monkey too. Possibly some magic tricks. You know bunnies out of hats and whatnot…
For the sake of any of Ms. Hamilton’s “people” who may be reading this — if this series is collected into the now-fashionable DV-R format…and if said DV-R features Chris providing running audio commentary as you flip through the pages…I WILL BUY A COPY FOR EVERYONE I KNOW. (I may not know many people after that, but never mind….)
Ummmm… what’s the good cause? You’ve lost me on the “It’s good. I gave $$$$ from the Nebula Awards…”
The CBLDF is offering fans a chance to have an intimate reception with Laurell K. Hamilton at the San Diego Comic-Con. Limited to 25 fans at $500 a pop, you will get the chance to discuss the comics and her novels in person and get two items signed, a signed print, and membership in the CBLDF..
Were I a lesser man, I would start raising money to make the Sims/Hamilton showdown happen on this very blog.
These panels contain the first mention in the comics of the Regional Preturnatural Team, which is occasionally referred to by the police as “RIP†despite the fact that acronyms don’t actually work that way.
Actually, RIP is not the acronym used in the novels. RPIT — Regional Preternatural Investigation team is used. Can’t think of a reason for the comic book change, other than to be cute.
These days Anita does nothing but fuck her harem of interchangeable pretty boys. Pages and pages of nothing but fucking. So, yes, Sausage on a Stick is a recurring motif in the Anita Blake universe.
so…when can we see the fucking?
Re: 6.2-6: Yeah, I have absolutely no idea what’s going on in this sequence.
If you’re serious, its that
1. she didn’t notice he was a vampire, so she thinks he’s human, and is going to look at him in the eye
2. she notices 3
3. his vampire fangs (I think i recall him being a relatively newly made vampire so he doesn’t know how to hide it yet)
4. she panics and looks away from his face because vampire can mind-fuck you with eye-contact (as per the first issue or two)
5. she realizes her powers from jean-claude/wispy protect her from the eye-contact juju, and gets mad.
And “RIP” is mentioned once as a slang name for the “RPIT”, like people call the Police the popo and stuff.
Re 3.6: The regular cops (well, most cops) are prejudice against vampires, and will blame them even against the facts.
Re: Christopher:
Vampires prior to the ruling were non-humans/monsters. Pitchfork and torch mobs a plenty when vampires where around. Think of it this way, some animals are protected while others are not. Kill a dog, and you might get a fine. Kill an endangered species and you might go to jail. Kill a common street rat, and noone cares, because no state has cruelty to rats as illegal. The ruling declared vampires as humans in legal terms (because the definition of “all men are created equal” does not touch on superpowers and status of living or death), granting them all the rights people have.
Is it just me, or does mullet-guy remind anyone else of Otacon from Metal Gear Solid?