73 thoughts on “The Internet Writes Batman

  1. Not having Tim Drake be Batman is a big “Fuck you” to all of the fans!

    Also, this edition of the ISB didn’t have any face kicks, that’s a big “Fuck you” to us fans”.

  2. Uh, I get how the Joker committed MMMURRRDER in panel three with that pencil, but where how did the scallion in his other hand come into play?

  3. “Batman’s dead, so I’m the new Batman!”
    “And I’m the new Robin!”

    So . . . who’s the new Spoiler? Commissioner Gordon?

    Sims, I think nothing would delight your public more than a full-color illuscraytion of Gordon in purple leggings (he’s an older gentleman, so please give him a cup underneath).

  4. So true though, the fans are the ones that keep shows/ comics/franchises going, sometimes from the brink of death or beyond, but most of them would do a really shit job writing them. You know the type, the ones who hated that fact Wolverine wasn’t 5’3″ and Canadian wearing a replica of his yellow suit when XMen 1 was being made. Those guys.

  5. “Uh, I get how the Joker committed MMMURRRDER in panel three with that pencil, but where how did the scallion in his other hand come into play?”

    Don’t ask; children might be visiting this site.

  6. that was ok but it needed more of batman like on top of a gargoyl and like brooding and shit and it needed killer croc hes so badass

  7. How did you get ahold of the script I sent to DC???

    You, sir, shall be hearing from my lawyers!

  8. Yep, that’s it exactly.

    But Batman should have bashed Joker’s head in with a car battery.

  9. If the Internet had actually written that, there would’ve been far more spelling and grammatical errors.

    And LOLCATS.

  10. It’s nearly perfect, but I always wanted Batman to have an R2-D2-esque sidekick as well.

  11. @Micheal Aronson:

    Batman and Robin having hetero sex? Now that’s just crazy talk.

    If you mean Huntress should have become Batman and Spoiler becomes Robin and then they go have sex, then yes…

  12. Dude, you forgot the Shortpacked reference.

    You can’t have a Batman comic written by the internet without a gratuitous reference to that not-funny-anymore classic “I’M BATMAN AND I CAN BREATHE IN SPACE”.

  13. That’s exactly how I imagine “Jeph Loeb Presents: Whatever Happened To The Caped Crusader” would turn out.

  14. “Bullets… My one weakness!”

    I refuse to believe that the Internet would be intelligent enough to make a Rat Pfink a Boo Boo reference.

  15. By not having the editorial courage to publish this, DiDio has proven once and for all that he is worse than Eichmann. If he had the slightest amount of integrity, not just as a publisher, but as a member of decent society, he would commit seppuku in front of his family on the grave of…ummm…I don’t know…let’s just say George Herriman for now.

  16. If I just rearranged and deleted a few panels this is basically the Dark Knight Returns in 30 seconds.

  17. I really like how, in classic fan-fic style, there’s only voice-over-style narration at the beginning, because that’s the only way people know how to start stories.

  18. Got to side with Dorian.

    I would’ve liked to see some digs at the incredibly loud and incredibly butthurt crowd that complain that comics are “no fun” anymore because they’re nothing like the imaginary Silver Age that only took place in their minds, but you can’t bitchslap every fandumb at once.

  19. My favorite bit was Bats’ dialog…


    Chris, you are a silly, silly man.

  20. “@bg & mecha-shiva: Tim’s dead – Batman’s sidekick just got offed.”

    Could’ve been Jason Todd. Or Tim’s resurrection could’ve just happened faster than normal. Or, in the spirit of Andrew’s wish for more Silver Age “fun,” it could’ve been Tim from another earth.

  21. It’s Dr. McNinja’s family’s weakness too.

    So you might just be some kind of relative of Dr. McNinja’s.

    Who, oddly enough, isn’t weak to bullets.

  22. “I don’t care what you say, it’s never the wrong place for an umlaut”
    was the best part.

  23. From my reading of The Internet, I’m not entirely sure how Batman has time to kill the Movie Joker, considering he’s mostly having sex with him, when he’s not having sex with Superman.

  24. “What interests me most is the “The Internet Writes….” tag. Is this the first in a series?”

    That’s what I was wondering/hoping too.

  25. Man, after all that build-up, he didn’t even test his rad new Batmobile. Why must the internets always disappoint me?

  26. I think everyone seems to be missing the point here. This is a criticism of the fan reaction to BRIP. And that if this had been printed in it’s place, fans would’ve been rejoicing.

  27. Wait… Don’t we need “Spoiler: Rebirth” first?

    Also: re: The “darker, more movie inspired Joker”… Where’s the unhealing bullet hole and the self-forked tongue?

  28. Dear DC Comics,

    Please hire Chris Sims to write “Petulant Batman.” (Thanks, Jessie).

    That is all.

  29. It’s nearly perfect, but I always wanted Batman to have an R2-D2-esque sidekick as well.

    That, and he needs to fight a giant spider in the third act.

  30. To be really reflective of “the internet” or fans in general or whatever I was expecting this to be a long list of contradictions.
    You know things like “Batman is grim and vengeful yet light and fun” or “Gotham is dark and violent yet full of wacky deco stuff & oversized curio-shaped buildings” or “Batman is free of continuity obligations for the benefit of letting the best story be told but everything rigidly fits together with no contradictions”.
    You know, stuff like that.

  31. I actually like grim vengeful Batman with wacky Deco stuff and curios! By speaking dismissively of my personal canon, you declare PERSONAL war on my world and childhood and all I hold dear! Just like DC totally sits around thinking up ways to irritate me, personally, because as the One True Fan, I am the most important person in the universe.

  32. “Did you even read BRIP? Other than the “darker” Joker, this is nothing like it.”

    You must be from Earth-D, the one without humor or sarcasm.

  33. I can’t wait to see the internet write the Watchmen.

    Ooh, ooh! Or Green Lantern!

  34. I can’t wait for the Internet writes Final Crisis or Teen Titans.

    Please let this become a regular feature.

  35. I want a gay comics about Batman and Joker. I think fans would go crazy because these two are like yin-yang thing.