I might just be jaded from the amount of comics by Bobs Haney and Kanigher that I read, but it’s been a long while since I’ve seen a comic book cover that’s stopped me dead in my tracks with the sheer amount of insanity pouring off the page.
Until today that is, when I saw this:
Man. Where do I even begin with this thing?
Okay, first off: I consider myself to be pretty well-versed in the nuances of the Archie Universe, but before I saw this thing, I’d never even heard of Archie’s R/C Racers. And with good reason: Essentially a commercial for the fine products of Japanese model car company Kyosho, whose products are at the center of both the story and the “rad tech tips” from Veronica’s cousin Leroy–yes, Veronica’s Cousin Leroy–the series ran for less than a year.
This was, of course, during the same period of experimentation (read: bat-shit craziness) that brought us the joy of Archie 3000, Jughead’s Time Police, and the phenomenally ridiculous Archie’s Explorers of the Unknown (which, I assure you, is well deserving of a post of its own), but with the constant product placement and a script that totally abandons any attempt to make sense, R/C Racers just ends up being pretty terrible.
The cover, however, is mind-shatteringly awesome. Let’s take it by the numbers:
1. Archie and the gang–complete with matching team jackets–are cowering in abject terror of…
2. A man who claims to be The R/C Dominator despite looking more like Weird Al circa UHF, who is…
3. Flying around by standing on remote control airplanes while
4. Being ridden like a horse by his own mother, who…
5. Apparently loves Ohio.
That, my friends, is a cover that tells a story. What exactly that story means, I have absolutely no idea. But, y’know. There it is.
For more information on this and other factory-issued Archie madness, visit your local library. Then, when they’ve kicked you out for asking questions about Pureheart the Powerful, feel free to read up at the greatest Wikipedia entry ever.