The Next Great Literary Masterpiece

Normally, I stick to talking about comics here on the ISB, but while I’ll break to talk about movies or video games every now and then, only twice before has it been my honor and my privilege to draw your attention to the greatest prose works of the twenty-first century.

Tonight, another instant classic joins that august lineup, but unlike Chuck Norris’s Western masterwork The Justice Riders or the landmark pro wrestling/espionage epic Big Apple Takedown, this latest work of unrivaled genius comes not in the form of a novel, but rather an unfinished short story. And even more surprising?

It has arisen from the world of fan-fiction.

Crossover fan-fiction.

Sharp-eyed ISB readers might recall from my recent shameless boosterism that I’ve been playing through Rockstar Games’ Bully again, and while I was looking around for a fan-site I saw once that explained all the room trophies, I stumbled upon what is undoubtedly the greatest piece of short fiction ever written.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you…

 

 

Yes: The Warriors.

You can click on the above picture to experience the magic for yourself, and really: I cannot recommend the experience highly enough. In two short chapters comprised of just over five hundred words, an author known only as “medayugiohman” has blown all other contemporary literature away, and there is nothing–nothing–I could add to make it better.

But that won’t stop me from pointing out a few of my favorite passages.

Take, for example, the introduction:

 

JIMMY!yelled young peter kowalski

Huh? what is it is someone giving you trouble?

no it’s the whole town there hurting.

Who is it?

Some gang i saw the back of there vests it said…The Warriors.

 

Right from the start, the author lets us know that we’re not dealing with your average story here. This is a story that, quite simply, doesn’t have time for things like description, setting, spacing at the end of sentences, attributing dialogue, or anything else the Ivory Tower of academia has declared as “necessary” to tell a story. No, this one hits the ground shouting and only stops for an ominous pause as Cleon and his crew are namechecked for the first time.

And then things just go nuts:

 

CHAPTER 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Has anyone in the history of the English Language ever had the balls to cap off a chapter break with eighteen exclamation points? I think not.

Suck it, Hemingway. Suck it hard.

 

(jimmy walks into the funhouse)

alright now you gotta fight.

(after fight)

pretty good now come to the docks and get ready to leave tomorrow.

okay.

 

One of the things you’ll notice right off the bat is that medayugiohman has taken a bold, minimalist approach to action sequences, which forces the reader to focus on his stark, Mametian dialogue. And it’s the right choice, too: Why waste time describing a thrilling, action-packed fight scene to your readers, when the one that plays out in their imaginations is no doubt superior to anything mere words–even those of a master like this one–could possibly capture?

 

hey jimmy why were you gone so long?asked petey.

initiation in a gang.Im leaving tomorrow.

WHAT!you cant leave ill be picked on an…

Dont worry i asked them and they said you could come.

Um…okay but what about russell he’ll probably destroy this pla…

he can come to.

okay then.

(the next day)

(russells dressed as a pirate and petey is in his bunny suit becausehe was in a hurry and didnt have time to put on his other clothes)

alright i kinda lied the boats gonna be here around 11pm tonight

oh so im in a bunny suit for nuthin.

Yep.

 

It’s in this section that I’ve found the only “problem” I’ve seen in the entire story, which is of course the idea of Petey showing up to depart in his bunny costume. To me, it seems like it would take longer to put on one’s Halloween costume rather than regular clothes, and I’m a little surprised that the author went with an odd visual gag (which, admittedly, still works beautifully in text) when the rest of his prose is so cerebral.

But perhaps I’m second-guessing it. With the story still unfinished, the possibility remains that Petey’s odd behavior (or perhaps… deception?) will be explored in the future.

For now though, it remains, like all great literature, open to interpretation in a way that hearkens back to James Joyce’s watershed Transformers / Jem and the Holograms crossover, Synergys Wake.

Experience the magic for yourself, won’t you?

54 thoughts on “The Next Great Literary Masterpiece

  1. (later)

    (jimmy is standing at the entrance of the carnival)

    waiting for someone kid?asked the carnival ticket person.

    yeah.Say have you seen a gang of people come in here with leather vests on?

    Hmmmmmm.i think so they came here just a few minutes before you.

    okay.

    (hands ticket person money)

    (hands jimmy a ticket)

    have a nice day kid.

    Hmm, i think so. yes actually, young impressionable man, i think that an entire gang of bare-chested, vest wearing thugs came into my fairground, which requires purchase of a ticket, through me. you have fun at the fair now!

  2. Chris, I have read some bad fanfic in my time. I’ve even written some bad fanfic in my time. But, dear God, this is the worst thing I have ever seen. THE. WORST. EVER.

    I love you so much.

  3. I love you.

    Although I have to wonder why you were on fanfiction.net. Posting, or just browsing aimlessly?

  4. “James Joyce’s watershed Transformers / Jem and the Holograms crossover, Synergys Wake”

    I’m pretty sure I’ve read that. It didn’t strike the same chord with me that the classic “My Little Beast Wars” did.

  5. Wow. And I thought Neon Exodus Evangelion, where Fox Mulder and Lara Croft’s son was the Fifth Child, could not be beaten.

    Nope, can’t quite beat this one for reading to the husband, since he is a Bully AND Warriors fan.

    Good find. You done real good here. I have a bedtime story for him now.

  6. I think you’re missing an important point with the bunny costume.

    He didn’t have enough time to change OUT OF HIS BUNNY COSTUME. Which implies that the bunny costume is his natural state of being. One that, after his shenanigans went on a little too long, he didn’t have enough time to change out of.

    Good times.

  7. Chris, I think you’re spending too much time worrying about the bunny suit and not enough time pondering what the bunny suit means. Petey represents fertility and rebirth throughout the story.

  8. Somehow this reminds me of this dream I had the other night, in which Power Pack crossed over with Metal Gear Solid.

  9. If there’s Outsider Art, where we celebrate primitive technique, why can’t there be Outsider Fiction? This is magnificent.

  10. Gretchen Says:

    Wow. And I thought Neon Exodus Evangelion, where Fox Mulder and Lara Croft’s son was the Fifth Child, could not be beaten.

    Hey, some of us actually liked that one. :)

    As for this – well, I guess I have something to cheer me up whenever I think that I can’t write. Clearly, it’s not stopping these people and it shouldn’t stop me, either.

    Gatac

  11. Y’know, I always thought mixing e.e. cummings and The Warriors together would be a mix as natural as chocolate and peanut butter.

    . . .Obviously I was wrong in thinking that, but oh well.

  12. Damn you, Chris Sims… My brain is currently leaking out of my ears because of this crap.

  13. You know, when I was much, MUCH younger I wrote a Pokemon/Digimon/Sailor Moon crossover that ripped off the plotline of the Dr. Who audio drama “The Sirens of Time.”

    But at least I actually wrote in paragraphs describing what was happening and TRIED to keep things making sense with a cast of 18 unique individuals.

  14. Dr. Haus Says:

    Wow, this might actually beat out DOOM: Repercussions of Evil for “gratest fanfic evar!” I’d say what it’s about, but there are so many awesome twists and turns within the story that to explain them here would blow your mind!

    Nothing beats the Doom one. But this comes close.

  15. that doom one was the bomb. the absolute bomb. It’s taught me about stern-yet-fair parenting, aspiring to your dreams, and how surprisingly articulate demons can be.

    not to mention the most mind-bending twist a 13 line tale has ever produced.

    bravo.

  16. gah, eye bleach please…too late, my brain has accepted this as worthy prose and not to be questioned.

  17. I checked out this guy’s stuff and am just sorry this following idea of his has yet to make it onto the page:

    “stories i might make:chucky and meda:its about me and chucky being roomates in an apartment and he is not actually evil”

  18. Man, it’s pretty great that a group of characters like the Warriors finally get to appear in literature…oh wait.

    If Sol Yurick were dead he’d probably be rolling over in his grave right now.

  19. Oh and Chris, I gotta ask you somethin, can you revise this story for me? By which I mean write it in paragraphs.I got a bunch of others I really need to do, and I would jsut be happy if you could help me with just this one…..

  20. Really? Cool, I’ll write this story that way then, yeah, people were nagging me to change my writing style saying “It’s not the “Proper” way” but, you’ve encouraged me, as long as I have a few people who like my style, I can continue on that way.

  21. Oh, and Also, I went through your site, and I must say, this is a pretty good site you have.

  22. Your welcome Chris, and, Just wondering, what do you think of my other fics?

  23. And how should I write this other fic I’m thinking of, my old way or my new “Proper” way(The no-unique way)?

  24. Chris your right, I shouldn’t start writing the “Proper” way just because people tell me too, and someone made fun of one of my stories, I should write whatever way I want.Thanks Chris.

    -Medayugiohman

  25. Good News Chris.I am writing the fifth chapter to the story, it should be up by this Friday, or Saturday.

  26. bad news, I didn’t get it up(Obviously) it’s just, I didn’t like the chapter, so I decided to start a new one.It’s not finished yet though.It should be up by the end of this month :)

  27. Damnit, late again!It’s just, lifes been rough lately for me, but fear not, tonight, you will all see the chapter up! Also, in this one, we’ll find out, that Jimmy’s always had a little warrior in him.

  28. got it posted!In this one, we have a little surprise, when you read it Chris, tell me what you think.

  29. thanks.Now, were you expecting that?I mean, I always thought there HAD to be a connection between Jimmy and the Warriors. So, I picked Ajax.He seemed the most likely to have kids, you know?

  30. Hey Chris. It may be awhile before I can update my story. I’m cleaning some of my other ones up, because, the only one I tried on was Jimmy Hopkins Meets the warriors, so it’ll be the same at least.

    Just thought I’d let you know.