When you do this for as long as I have, you start to get a sense of your audience and their expectations, and that’s why I know for a fact that most of you are expecting me to lead off tonight’s post with Captain America kicking a gorilla dressed as a Nazi in the face, as seen in Agents of Atlas #4.

Well…

…sometimes I’ve got to defy expectations.

Besides, the top panel border on that other one was all diagonal, which makes it harder to crop properly. But enough about my occasional use of the lasso tool in PhotoShop! It’s Thursday night, and that means it’s time for another round of the Internet’s Most Properly Formatted Comics Reviews!

Here’s what I picked up this week…

And here’s what I thought about them!

Atomic Robo: The Shadow From Beyond Time #1: Okay, let’s get this out of the way right now: I love Atomic Robo.

Ever since the characer’s debut in 2007, Brian Clevinger and Scott Wegener have been knocking it out of the park every time with what is unquestionably one of the funniest and best comics on the stands. It’s great stuff that rivals even Paul Grist’s work for sheer comic book fun, and this issue’s the best of ’em all.

That’s no mean feat, considering how good this year’s Free Comic Book Day story was, but for pure entertainment, this one’s a winner. Admittedly, I’m more of a sucker than most for comics about historical figures having adventurers–hence my undying love of both Tales From The Bully Pulpit and Five Fists Of Science–and this one hits that spot perfectly, and even if Clevinger’s heading to the old standard plot hook of the Tunguska blast, I’ve got confidence that he’ll be able to pull it off with his usual skill. Heck, he was killing me within the first couple of pages when I realized he was doing a story starring HP Lovecraft, even before he said the guy’s name.

Not that this was any great feat of detective work or anything. I mean, you see a tall thin guy running around the ’20s gibbering about elder things and the mongrel races, you pretty much assume it’s Lovecraft.

As an interesting sidenote, “Charles Fort,” the other historical figure who costars with Howie Love and Robo, was a pseudonym once employed by the Punisher during the Mike Baron run, as it fit Baron’s established pattern of using last names that were synonymous with “Castle.” What? It’s interesting to me.

Anyway, the point is that this thing looks like the start of another fantastic romp courtesy of Clevinger and Wegener–whose work is also in Killer of Demons and the Human Torch special this week and who can do more with two eyelids than most artists can pull off with entire facial expressions–and if you’re not already reading it, then honestly, you need to be.

Final Crisis Aftermath: Run #1: With this, DC starts up its round of “Final Crisis Aftermath” titles, and while this one had the premise that I was least interested in–the Human Flame on the lam after recording the Martian Manhunter’s death–I like Matt Sturges and Freddie Williams II both enough to check out anything they’re working on together. And the result is pretty entertaining: Sturges wastes no time at all in making sure that we know that the Human Flame is an irredeemable bastard who deserves whatever’s coming to him (pages 2 and 3 are a shot of him just socking his kindly nurse right in the jaw), and it just builds on that theme from there. It’s one horrible act after another, but it’s clearly shown that he succeeds based on luck and viciousness, with the odds strongly on his eventual and brutal comeuppance.

In the meantime, Sturges gets the beats down to something that’s actually pretty funny, and Willams is great even when he’s just drawing giant fat guys, so what’s not to love?

GI Joe Movie Prequel: The Baroness: And now, the ISB presents the exclusive inside story of how this issue came to be:

[Ring ring]

“Hello?”

“Yeah, hi, Chuck? It’s Dick Jones at IDW. So hey listen, we just remembered that we have to do a prequel book for the Baroness and we need it in… about eight minutes.”

“That’s a pretty tight deadline… I mean, I could probably just do a find-and-replace on one of these old Catwoman scripts I’ve got laying around, but she steals a treasure map and uses her whip in it a lot, so I’m not sure if it’ll work.”

“Hang on a sec, Chuck. Hey Bob, can she use a whip? Yes? She can use a whip, Chuck, that’s fine.”

“Done!”

End Scene

Seaguy: Slaves of Mickey Eye #2: I absolutely love this thing, but to be honest, I have no idea where to even begin writing a review of it. This, I’m sure, is going to be a sticking point with the people who consider Seaguy to be the height of Grant Morrison’s excesses as a writer. The people who don’t love Seaguy tend to think of it as just being weird for the sake of weirdness, but it’s no more weird for its own sake than The New Gods; weird stuff is just more interesting by its very definition.

But that’s not an argument I’m all that interested in having, so I’ll just stick with saying that this…

…might just be the finest comic book panel produced this year.

Archie & Friends #113: I mentioned my displeasure with this issue below, and by popular demand from the comments section, here’s my full review:

This is one of the most disappointing Archie comics I’ve ever read.

When you get right down to it, that’s saying something, as I don’t generally go into the Archie books–which pride themselves on offering pretty much the same thing over and over again for the past sixty-odd years–with what you’d call “high hopes.” Still, I do enjoy them, but this one is just frustrating.

For starters, it’s not just the same story that we’ve seen a dozen times, it’s that same story done very, very poorly. I haven’t made a secret of my affection for Josie and the Pussycats–especially the highly underrated movie version–and honestly, one would think that an all-girl rock band that had adventures with their hunky roadie, shifty manager and his witchity sister would be a no-brainer, but no, here we are again with yet another story about JATP having a “battle of the bands” with the Archies. But this time, it’s not even an actual rock-off: they’re playing Guitar Hero, of which–in typical, out-of-touch Archie fashion–the creative team seems to have only the vaguest, theoretical understanding.

There are worse plots you could go with, I suppose, but any entertainment to be had is pretty much quashed by a shoddy execution. Josie, Melody and Val (along with Alan M., Alexander and Alexandra) don’t even have the limited characterization that you’d expect from an Archie book, and are instead reduced more or less to set dressing. Yes, that’s right: They are one-dimensional even when compared to the Archies. Even worse, the slight character they do have is off, as the story is padded out with some petty vindictiveness between the two groups that just feels off and, worse, unfunny.

To be fair, there are two good bits in the script, namely a scene where both bands dress emo-style to hilarious effect, and a guitar solo from Josie that’s an extended riff on Marty McFly’s in Back to the Future. But again, is that really what the kids are into these days? Movies from 24 years ago? Really? I mean, sure, I thought it was funny, but is the target audience here really 26 year-olds who complain about things on the Internet?

Also in the plus column, Bill Galvan and “Affable” Al Milgrom do a great job on the art, especially a full-page splash of Josie and the Pussycats winning the contest that could double as a pin-up.

But unfortunately, that doesn’t save a story that’s just not very good. And it’s doubly frustrating because there’s so much potential there that looked like it was going somewhere as little as a few years ago when Tania Del Rio (of Sabrina fame) did a relaunch in the pages of Archie & Friends that apparently never went anywhere. Of course, that was in an age of Archie experimentation that also included Andrew Pepoy’s fun Katy Keene and the heydey of Del Rio’s Sabrina. But it vanished after a few issues, and that age of experimentation seems to have ended and been replaced once again with the same old stories and the increasingly horrible “New Look” offerings that are just getting embarrassing.

I’m all for more Josie, but if this is all we’re going to get out of them, I’d rather Archie just put them back on the shelf.

Classic GI Joe v.3: No real review here, as a) these comics are 25 years old and b) I think I’ve made my opinions on these comics quite clear by this point.

However, it is worth noting that this volume contains GI Joe #21, the legendary “Silent” issue that’s commonly regarded by people who only read GI Joe to be one of the best comic books ever produced. So, you know. You might want to get that one.

Annnnnnd that’s the week! As always, any questions or concerns–like if you want to hear about how this week’s Archie & Friends was one of the most disappointing comics I’ve ever read–can be left in the comments section below, but if you’re curious about something from this week’s all-new League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, I’d suggest you check out the always indispensable Jess Nevins for annotations, but yes: That is Stardust the GD Super-Wizard in the text piece.

Zut alors, y’all! C’est Batroc ze Leapair!!!

Ahhhh, c’est magnifique!

Mais assez parlé de ce plus grand des hommes! Il est Jeudi soir, ce qui signifie qu’il est temps pour une autre session de l’Internet la plupart des critiques de bandes dessinées sacre bleu!

Avant de nous–

Ahem.

Sorry about that. Anyway, before we get around to the reviews, however, a quick plug! No, I don’t have any auctions running this week, just a new site that you oughtta be reading: Dateline: Silver Age, a new site that chronicles the headlines of Comics’ Great Metropolitan Newspapers! Heck, I like it so much that I’ve even contributed one myself! So seriously, add this one to your RSS reader of choice and prepare to be amazed when headlines like this pop up to remind you of that most wondrous of ages.

Now then, here’s what I picked up this week…

…and here’s what I thought about ’em!

Dark Reign: The Cabal: I’ve got to admit, I’m a little torn about Dark Reign. On the one hand, it’s a pretty ridiculous idea. I mean, Skrull war or no, Norman Osborn did chuck a girl off a bridge that one time, and I’m pretty sure everyone knows it. Heck, I’m pretty sure he went to jail for it in a comic written by Mark Millar and stood trial for crimes he committed as the Green Goblin in a comic written by the same guy that later decided nobody would object if he was basically put in charge of everything. Being in charge of the Thunderbolts was one thing–especially seeing as he was working in secret–but you’d think when it came time for presidential appointments, someone might bring up the whole killed-an-attractive-young-blonde-while-dressed-in-a-Halloween-costume thing and

On the other hand, I can see the appeal of having that as the big shake-up. It opens up some interesting possibilities, especially for Spider-Man, and everything that I’ve actually read that ties into it–Invincible Iron Man, Incredbile Hercules and Agents of Atlas spring to mind–has actually been very good, and, well, comics have been turning terrible ideas into gold on a pretty much monthly basis for the past 71 years. Thus, we have The Cabal, which does just that in stories by Matt Fraction, Rick Remender, Pete Miligan and Kieron Gillen (who also has the well-worth-your-dollars Phonogram 2 out this week). They’re all solid, highly entertaining short stories about the relationships between each of the members of Osborn’s little sewing circle, but the high point is far and away Jonathan Hickman’s lead story, which does such a good job of explaining why Dr. Doom is bothering with Osborn that I think it might actually go back and retcon some of the stupid out of the concept. Good stuff.

Dr. Doom and the Masters of Evil #4: And speaking of good stories about Dr. Doom, we have this, and I’ve gotta say: It might just be the best Dr. Doom story since Waid and Ringo’s Fantastic Four.

That’s a bold statement, I know, but for what is ostensibly a (relatively) lighthearted kids’ book, it’s amazing how Paul Tobin was able to cut so directly to the heart of the character. And the amazing thing about it is that he’s able to do these amazing Dr. Doom moments–including the scene where Doom is essentially all like “Oh, did I forget to mention that I made myself immortal last week for just such an occasion?” that had me cracking up with the pure Marvel Comics joy of it–without losing the accessibility or fun that he’s been working with.

I mean, seriously, at the climax of the story, the bad guy wins. Definitively. And the one character that’s been sympathetic in a book full of villains is made to live with the guilt of allowing someone to transform himself into monster so that he can better terrorize the world! That’s pretty heavy stuff for a kids’ comic, and that’s exactly as it should be. Tobin never talks down to his audience, and instead just gives them the best comic he can that they can come to fresh. And it works beautifully.

It’s one of those rare examples of How It Should Be Done, and it might end up being one of my favorite single issues of the year.

Final Crisis: Legion of 3 Worlds #4: (Spoilers follow, obviously)

Throughout its seventeen year run, the major selling point of Legion of 3 Worlds has been its earnest commitment to complete and utter bat-shit insanity, but with this issue, I think the goofiness may–may–have hit critical mass.

I mean, don’t get me wrong: I’m more than willing to accept the goofiness as part of the fun, especially in a book that opened with a museum exhibit on The Amazing Transformation of Jimmy Olsen, and I’m right there with you when you use future space lightning rods to regenerate Kid Flash from a super-speed copy of his soul (or something), and I’m all for it when you want to use the Kryptonian Gestation Matrix to not only regenerate Superboy, but also his jeans and t-shirt (which I imagine took the majority of the thousand-year cloning process, as Levi’s 501s represent the height of genetic manipulation), but man. That ending. I just don’t know.

I mean, having the Time Trapper reveal his “secret identity” after fifty years of just being the Time Trapper is crazy enough, but having him turn out to be Superboy Prime? On a page with the words “PRIME TRAPPER” on it? That’s just Ludacris, man, and I honestly don’t know if I love it or hate it. It has me completely stymied.

So congratulations, Geoff Johns: You win. I have no idea how you’re going to top that.

GI Joe: Origins #3: And now, a Joeku:

Lines on the sword’s hilt?
Oh, son! I know what that means:
Arashikage!

Marvel Assistant-Sized Spectacular #2: You know, I work tirelessly for a day when every character has a hot, be-minidressed teenage girl equivalent. And so, apparently, do Jordan White and Adam Warren (though the latter doesn’t really come as a surprise on that front), who, along with Hector Silva Lujan, bring us this issue’s breakout star, Galacta: The Daughter of Galactus. It’s the same idea that brought us X-23–the teenage, foot-clawed version of Wolverine–writ large and taken to its logical extreme, complete with a fur-lined collar and a plunging neckline.

It’s crazy, but it’s a hypnotic kind of crazy that you want to see more of, and while there’s other stuff in the issue–namely a nifty Luke Cage by The Daily Show’s Wyatt Cenac and an Elsa Bloodstone story that drains both an alien parasite and the fun of the character–none of it can stand up to the sheer madness of a character that makes Golden Oldie seem like the model of restraint.

According to the issue, there’s a poll going on on Marvel.com to decide which character gets another shot, but I haven’t voted, both because I can’t decide between my everlasting love of the Mini-Marvels and the mesmerizing insanity of Galacta, and also because the website is currently besieged by pictures of Wolverine, and no link presented itself before I got tired of looking. But if you’re feeling industrious, have at it!

Sherlock Holmes #1: This might not come as a surprise to anyone, but I’m slightly fascinated by detective fiction, and I was a pretty big fan of Sherlock Holmes when I was younger, reading through my father’s beat-up copies of The Annotated Sherlock Holmes and later replacing them with my own set of the new Norton editions. That said, I’ve never really felt the need to go beyond the Arthur Conan Doyle stories to see what else other writers have done, despite the fact that there are a ton of books out there with plots that do interest me–like The Seven Percent Solution, wherein Holmes has a team-up with Sigmund Freud–which makes Dynamite’s offering the first Holmes pastiche I’ve ever read.

Well, except for that one issue of Detective Comics where he teams up with Batman, which is totally awesome.

Anyway, this one comes courtesy of John Reppion and Leah Moore–whom I believe I am contractually obligated as a comics blogger to point out as the daughter of Alan Moore–and I really enjoyed it, although if my theory is right, they’ve left the biggest clue to the mystery right out in the open.

But at the same time, that’s what I really like about it. Holmes stories set the model of the Fair-Play Mystery (most notably seen in comics in Mike Barr and Adam Hughes’ Maze Agency), wherein the reader is meant to be given a legitimate shot at solving the mystery along with the detective. If the clue I’ve spotted actually is a clue, that means that Moore and Reppion aren’t just going to use Holmes’s legendary deductive abilities as a catch-all excuse to put one over on the audience. Putting your abilities as a reader against the story itself is half the fun of a book like this, and I’m honestly excited to see where they’re going with it and if I’m right.

I will say that Holmes seems a bit uncharacteristically flustered at the end of the first one–this dude did straight up fake his death after a wrestling match on a waterfall after all, he doesn’t shake easily–but I suppose a little twitchiness is to be expected when a heroin addict is framed for murder.

Thor: Ages of Thunder HC: So you know that Motorhead video, “Killed By Death,” where Lemmy drives a motorcycle out of his own grave?

This is just like that, but with vikings. So yeah. You’re gonna want it..

And that’s the week! But before we go, a quick reminder:

This Saturday is Free Comic Book Day all across this crazy world of ours, so even if you aren’t a regular comics reader–although I can’t imagine you’d be reading this if you’re not–get out to your local comic shop and enjoy some comics For Free! It’s a great way to spread the fun–especially if you have kids, as the majority of FCBD books are specifically geared towards younger readers–and a lot of shops have sales, guests, and giveaways beyond just the Free Comics.

It’s something that we on the retail side of things look forward to as a way to get people interested (because really, there aren’t a lot of people working in comics retail for the money; we tend to be evangelists at heart), so tell your friends and come by to enjoy!

And check back here on Saturday afternoon too, as there might just be a special FCBD Bonus from the Action Age!

You know, if you make it all the way to the C in the word “attack”…

…how do you know you didn’t finish saying it?

Alas, there are some questions that even we at the ISB cannot answer. But enough with the metaphysics, because it’s Thursday night and that means it’s time for another round of the Internet’s Most Capitalistic Comics Reviews!

Before those, however, it is time once again to feed the ever-grinding wheels of commerce! After taking a break last week, I’ve got another round of ISB Fundraiser Auctions:

Absolute League of Extraordinary Gentlemen v.1, by Alan Moore and Kevin O’Neill

Absolute League of Extraordinary Gentlemen v.2, by those two guys again

Absolute Crisis on Infinite Earths, by Marv Wolfman and George Perez

Absolute DC: The New Frontier, by Darwyn Cooke

The Absolute Authority, by Warren Ellis and Bryan Hitch

And, completing what some of you might be seeing as a pattern at this point, Absolute Planetary v.1 by Warren Ellis and John Cassaday

Also, the friend of mine who’s actually doing the grunt work for the auctions is selling a bunch of Mark Waid Flash, comics of which I wholeheartedly approve. So if that’s your speed (haw), show him some love too.

Okay, plug over! Now it’s down to business, so here’s what you could’ve bought this week if you weren’t giving me all of your money…

…and here’s what I thought of them!

Batman: The Brave and the Bold #4: So in this issue, Batman gets turned into a baby and then teams up with Sugar & Spike to fight Felix Faust.

Batman teams up with Sugar & Spike to fight Felix Faust.

BATMAN TEAMS UP WITH SUGAR & SPIKE TO FIGHT FELIX FAUST.

They need to make an Eisner Award for Best Team-Up and then immediately give it to this book. And even better, that happens in the first two pages, and then is followed by Batman and Hercules Aquaman fighting dinosaurs and samurais and cavemen, so I think it’s safe to say that this may–MAY–be the best Batman team-up since the heyday of Bob Haney and Jim Aparo.

Ghost Rider #34: You know, for the past few years, I’ve been laboring under the impression that the only two people in the world who actually read all twelve issues of Marvel’s early-80s trucker epic U.S. 1 were me and John Byrne, and I was the only one who actually liked it. With this issue, however, that has all changed, as Jason Aaron and The Walking Dead‘s Tony Moore have brought back The Highwayman, U.S. 1’s archenemy who is an undead trucker who sold his soul to the Devil (or possibly aliens) for a super-powerful eighteen-wheeler called The Blackrig. It was genius in 1983, and I’ll be damned if it’s not genius today.

Of course, the fact that it’s taken this long for him to appear in the book about the motorcycle stunt rider who sold his soul to the Devil is a little surprising, but I suppose that’s another one you can chalk up for Aaron, whose mad, risk-taking genius has made Ghost Rider one of the books I’m looking forward to the most each month. Of course, I already knew that after last month’s references to Megadeth, Lone Wolf McQuade and Smokey and the Bandit, but it bears repeating that Aaron is taking full advantage of the opportunity he’s got with this title and transformed it into the bastard spawn of Evel Kneivel and The Evil Dead, and brother, it makes for some entertaining comics.

Incredible Hercules #128: Okay, look, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Oh my God, is he seriously going to talk about how much he loves Incredible Hercules again? We know, okay? Blah blah great book blah blah mythology and the Marvel universe blah blah compares favorably to Simonson blah blah shameless Amazon links blah. We get it. Change the effing record.” And I know. I don’t want to repeat myself any more than you want to read it over again.

But seriously, in this comic, Venom bites Herc’s fist, and so Herc punches the Sentry with Venom on his fist and the sound effect is “DUBBAPOW!” I love this crazy comic so much, you guys. So, so much.

DC Classics Library: Batman: The Annuals: You know, I’ve been pretty pleased with the DC Classics Library line thus far, both in the high-quality presentation and the stories they’re reprinting (like the truly goofy Kryptonite No More), but man, I am not looking forward to this. As much as I love Batman–and I’m pretty sure the record will show that I love Batman a lot–I’ll freely admit that the Silver Age was not his best era. Trapped between the two extremes of the Pulp Vigilante of the ’40s and the increasingly super-competent adventure hero of the ’70s, Silver Age Batman seems even stranger today than his contemporaries, and while the art’s often great (Dick Sprang! Shelly Moldoff!) the stories themselves can get rough, especially in concentrated doses. They lack the bizarre charm of the Silver Age Superman family and the outright mad genius of stuff like Metamorpho or The Metal Men that would come a few years later. Instead, they suffer from repeating plots that were dry and formulaic to begin with, and–oh shit does that say JUNGLE BATMAN?!

oh man you guys this thing is gonna rule so hard.

And that’s the week. Well, unless you want me to talk at length (again) about The Chronicles of Solomon Stone #1, my first full-length comic for the Action Age that is now available in its entirety to view online or download as a PDF or CBZ for free. And really, I think you’ve all heard that by now.

As always, any other questions on something I read or skipped out on this week (like Viking which I accidentally left at work but was amazing in format alone) can be left in the comments section below.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in this life, it is this: Don’t be askin’ for no inch and be expectin’ a foot. Unless you want a foot.

I know a few crooks that can place it where it need to be put!

Oh, Murphy Lee. Truly, you are the voice of a generation.

Anyway, it’s Thursday night, but before we get started with another round of the Internet’s Most Universally Beloved Comics Reviews, a couple of quick announcements. First up, I’d like to thank all the ISB readers who made last week’s fundraising eBay auctions a success, and let you guys know that I’ve got a couple more going on this week. So, if you feel like supporting the ISB by getting yourself some awesome comics straight out of my long boxes, check ’em out:

Darwyn Cooke’s New Frontier #1-6

Invincible Iron Man #1-7, by Matt Fraction and Salvador Larocca

Robert Kirkman’s Marvel Team-Up #1-25

Dan Abnett & Andy Lanning’s Nova #1-18

The Surrogates #1-5, with the first issue signed by Robert Vendetti.

Also, this one’s not actually mine, but the friend of mine that’s handling the grunt work for the auctions is selling his own run of The Flash by Geoff Johns, so if that’s your speed (rimshot), throw him some love too.

Now then, here’s what else you can buy this week…

…and now, let’s find out which makes the cut as the ISB Second Best Of the Week! Because I think we all know what topped the charts this time.

All-New Savage She-Hulk #1: With this issue, Marvel takes another stab at She-Hulk, this time ditching Jen Walters in favor of Lyra, the alternate future daughter of the Hulk and Thundra, who has come back to the present to punch men in the face with gamma-powered militant feminism. Feminism which is, of course, expressed through the time-honored medium of a fetching Andre-the-Giant-esque sports bra and skin-tight low-rise Han Solo pants, just as it should be.

I’ve actually read all of Lyra’s previous appearances since, as of this issue, she’s been written by three of my favorite writers in comics, but there’s something about the character that never really grabbed me. I’ve never been much of a fan of Thundra to begin with, but that may owe mostly to the fact that I’ve read like two stories with her in them. In any case, I picked this one up because–much like Parker and Tobin before him–I’ll pretty much give anything Fred van Lente does a shot, and it’s not bad. Van Lente fleshes Lyra out a little more than she was previously, and moving the story from the (extremely goofy) far-flung future to the present day does a lot to get me more interested in it.

Also, while it carries the increasingly common $3.99 cover price, there’s a nice backup feature in the form of a roundtable with Parker, Tobin and van Lente that’s conducted by assistant editor and moustache aficionado Jordan D. White, wherein Jeff Parker shows what goes on in Marvel Comics… After Dark. It’s a nice bit of behind-the-scenes talk by some very funny folks that’s a breeze to read, and if you’re interested, it’s worth a look.

Plus, it’s got an appearance by Portal from Darkhawk, and I think we all know how I feel about that.

Batman Confidential #28: This is the last issue of Nunzio DeFilippis and Christina Weir’s three-part King Tut story that has art by Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez and Kevin Nowlan, and even if you needed more information than that, I’ve already said pretty much all there is to say about this one. Still, there is one thing to add, and that is this: When this issue suddenly became Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom Starring Batman, I’m pretty sure it was so awesome that I was able to reach back in time and high-five my eight year-old self. Tremendous, beautifully drawn fun.

Captain Britain and MI-13 #12: And speaking of comics that I’ve said pretty much every last thing I can say about how awesome they are, here’s another issue of Captain Britain.

It is still written by Paul Cornell with art by Leonard Kirk.

It is still about racist Dracula attacking England from his magic moon castle.

It is still suffering only slightly from a dearth of Union Jack, who is mentioned but not in this issue. I double-checked.

It is still the best comic to feature Blade. Ever.

It is still completely and utterly radical, and you should still be reading it.

Exiles #1: Remember what I said about Jeff Parker being one of those writers where I’ll give anything he does a shot? Well, here’s more evidence of that, although I’ll cop to being a little skeptical about this one back when it was first solicited. I mean, it’s not like I had any reason to believe it would be bad, other than, you know, every other issue of Exiles.

Okay, that’s actually an exaggeration. The original Exiles was actually the best thing Judd Winick’s done in super-hero comics, and while that’s not really saying a whole lot, the early issues aren’t that bad at all. They’re just something that, aside from that one story that Tony Bedard wrote where five Wolverines teamed up to fight an army of other Wolverines (which was absolute genius), never really hooked me, which is a little odd since it’s a book built largely around alternate universes and evil twins, two tropes that I generally really enjoy. It just didn’t quite grab me.

On the other hand, I had no reason to believe it was going to be good other than every other comic Jeff Parker has written, and that pretty much holds up here. The first issue’s devoted mostly to setup for those of us who are just joining, but he still manages to throw in MODOK by page three and the best two panels of mustachioed babies I’ve seen all year by page eighteen. It’s good stuff.

The real star of the show, though, is artist Salva Espin. This is the first I can remember seeing of his work, but it’s flat-out incredible, with beautiful, expressive characters that are so good that he can sell the Scarlet Witch’s Little Red Riding Hood cosplay like it ain’t no thang. I think Benjamin Birdie said it best when he said that Espin’s art was “like Stuart Immonen and Art Adams on a date,” and this is one of the few comics that’s included a sketchbook as backup material that I’ve actually looked at more than once. He’s really good.

Put together, it’s a very promising start for the series, and I’m honestly looking forward to more.

Ignition City #1: As readers of the Bad Signal will no doubt be aware, Ignition City has been in the works for years, and it finally made it out to shops this week. At its core, the book revolves around one of those great high-concept ideas Warren Ellis seems to throw down effortlessly; in this case it’s a city of launchpads where the space heroes of the fifties go to die, populated by your Buck Rogerses, your Dan Dares, and your Flashes Gordon, all robbed of their glory and consequently in various states of bitterness and alcoholism. And, as you might expect, it’s not bad. I mean, I don’t know if you’ve heard of this Ellis character, but he’s got some pretty good ideas. Seems to be going places.

Gianluca Pagliarani, however, is someone that I’m not familiar with, and much like Paul Duffield’s work on Freakangels–which I finally sat down and read through the other day–his art’s a cut above what I normally expect from Avatar, with strong, almost cartoonish linework that can still pull off the laser gun evisceration that we’re all paying to see.

It’s an engaging first issue with a solid premise, and it’s well worth checking out.

Marvel Zombies 4 #1: Long-time readers will probably remember that Marvel Zombies 3–which was conveniently released in hardcover this week–was not only my favorite installment of the Marvel Zombies series thus far, but hands down one of my favorite miniseries of last year, period. The whole thing was just a hoot, with Machine Man in full-on, Warren Ellis Nextwave mode taking on folks like Zombie Ghost Rider and Zombie Morbius the Living Vampire.

Zombie Morbius the Living Vampire. Excuse me, the living Vambie. That right there is what this series is all about.

Anyway, some people were put off by the fact that MZ3 ends with the setup for MZ4, but that didn’t bother me, as a) Machine Man’s part in the story–the focus of the book–was done, and b) honestly, how often do you get to be excited about the Midnight Sons when it’s not 1993?

Sadly, the first issue of MZ4 doesn’t quite match the swaggering humor of its predecessor. Although admittedly, just from the fact that this is a comic about Werewolf By Night fighting zombies on a cruise ship alongside Jennifer Kale and her Witchity Armor while a beheaded zombie Deadpool is faced with Tony Montana-esque amounts of cocaine, I’m pretty sure Fred Van Lente isn’t going to fall into the trap of playing this one entirely straight. Either way, it’s a pretty strong start, and if it falls short of the previous mark, it’s only because Van Lente and Kev Walker set the bar so high last time.

Supergirl: Cosmic Adventures in the 8th Grade: I’ve been meaning to talk about this one for a while, but let’s be honest: comics near the end of the alphabet have to contend with the allure of finally going to sleep, and that’s not a fight many stories end up winning. Still, though, over the past few months, it’s become clear that this is one worth staying up for.

I’ll admit that I was a little underwhelmed by the first issue, which might’ve been because I was looking forward to it ever since Jann Jones talked about it last year at HeroesCon, and that’s a lot of buildup. As the series progressed, though, I not only got more used to the frenetic, Chuck Jones-style pacing of the stories, but Landry Walker and Eric Jones kept building on what they’d done, setting up genuinely funny recurring gags like Moon Supergirl and the time-travel bit that’s the catalyst for this issue. And in the process, they’ve ended up putting out one of the sharpest kids’ books I’ve seen from DC in a long time.

Unfortunately, it’s only a limited series, but hopefully they’ll either get more out of it in the future, or go on to do something else that’s just as fun. Heck, I’d even go so far as to say that they’d be my second choice to do a kid-friendly Superman’s Pal, Jimmy Olsen (with my first choice, of course, being me and Matthew Allen Smith). If you haven’t read it, swing by your local comic shop and give it a shot. And if they don’t have it, I’m pretty sure DC’s still got every issue available for reorder.

Showcase Presents Doom Patrol v.1: So yeah.

That’s a giant woman body-slamming a giant robot while a regular robot punches out a talking gorilla. That all happens on the same page. You’re gonna want that.

And that’s the week! As always, any questions, such as “how awesome is that Punisher story?” (Answer: Very) or “Why didn’t you review Wolverine: Weapon X #1?” (Answer: Because I’m pretty sure that at this point, comics with “Wolverine” and “#1” on the cover don’t need my help to get people to read them) can be left in the comments section below.

And if that’s not enough sequential entertainment to meet your needs, then why not head over to the Action Age for the first chapter of the all-new, all-awesome The Chronicles of Solomon Stone, Chapter One, by me, Matthew Allen Smith and Benjamin Birdie, if you haven’t already!

And we’re back, with your regularly scheduled ISB programming. Which is, of course, this:

Yes, it’s another Thursday night, and that can only mean one thing: That we’re only six days away from the launch of the first chapter of The Chronicles of Solomon Stone by Chris Sims and Matthew Allen Smith, only on the Action Age of Comics!

Oh, and I guess it also means it’s time for the Internet’s Most Self-Referential Comics Reviews or whatever. Before we get to that, however, it’s time for yet another plug! A friend of mine is doing me a solid and selling some of my stuff on eBay, so if you want to help support the ISB by buying yourself some pretty rad comics, have a look:

Captain America (v.5) #1-40, Featuring a second print of #25 signed by Steve Epting

Madman Gargantua Hardcover, Signed & Numbered by Mike and Laura Allred (#64/300)

Marvel Zombies #1-5

Astonishing X-Men #1-24 plus Giant Size, with all the variants.

Ultimates 2 #1-13 plus the Annual, wherein Captain America flash-kicks a dude with lightsabers.

All good stuff, and well worth giving me all of your money checking out! Anyway, here’s what I bought this week…

…and here’s what I thought about ’em!

Amazing Spider-Man #590: ISB readers might recall that with a few minor exceptions–Jackpot’s bullshit “mystery,” Flash Thompson in Iraq, Joe Kelly–I’ve been generally enjoying the post-One More Day direction for Spider-Man. This one, though, hit me in exactly the wrong way.

It’s not that it’s a bad issue, technically speaking; Dan Slott’s script is fun enough with a couple of great moments–like the Macroverse’s reaction to the Thing–and Barry Kitson’s a great artist. The problem is the way the plot’s based around One More Day, and how it changed the status Spider-Man’s secret identity. The fact that this has become the focus of a story and that there’s now a weird “pre-Crisis” type universe for Spider-Man just complicates things to no end. After all, the Brand New Day change was made to ostensibly streamline Spider-Man and give him a status quo that would be more conducive to bringing in new readers, and if there’s no commitment to having it one way or the other, the whole thing falls apart.

It smacks of trying to eat one’s cake and have it, too. The old saw of the Marvel continuity buff is that everything counts, unlike DC’s way too complicated system of reboots, but that’s just not the way it works. As things stand now, Amazing Spider-Man Annual #22? Didn’t happen. And if you say it did, but nobody remembers it, and then do stories where you talk about how weird it was before Spider-Man made a deal with the devil, it makes it a lot harder for a reader to ignore the fact that our hero made a deal with the devil.

Then again, nobody’s coming to my house and taking copies of my comics with the Amazingly Married Spider-Man in them, and if Dan Slott wants to try to nudge the universe a little closer to the way he wrote it in Spider-Man/Human Torch #4–a truly phenomenal comic that revolves around both Spider-Man being married and the Human Torch learning his identity–who am I to stop him? I just wish they’d stick with something every now and then.

Captain America 70th Anniversary Special: Despite the fact that he doesn’t manage to throw in references to Chris Isaak and Cole Porter, James Robinson does some great work here, telling the kind of Captain America story that we don’t get too often. It’s a lot of fun, and while it does sort of make the fact that Steve Rogers was sickly and infirm a little hard to believe when he’s taking out two Undercover Nazis, he huffs and puffs enough to let you know that it’s quite an effort, and the whole thing’s so fun that it doesn’t really matter anyway.

But the star of the show here–as his is pretty much every time he does a comic–is Marcos Martin, who was last seen doing Cap in the pages of the totally awesome Sixty-Fifth Anniversary Special. He’s one of the best artists in the business, with an amazing sense of motion and page layouts that are right up there with Paul Grist in terms of innovation and style, and his work is just a joy to read.

Plus, there’s a Simon & Kirby story in here where Cap plays baseball, and I don’t think any of us want to miss that.

Destroyer #1: You know, call me crazy, but I’m starting to get the sneaking suspicion that Robert Kirkman really likes having crazy amounts of ultraviolence in his comics.

Ah, but I kid Kirkman, who once called me out by name in the lettercolumn of Invincible as someone who didn’t care for the occasional head-exploding dustups in an otherwise darn-near perfect comic. I forget the issue number, but I think it’s right before the one where a baby gets electrocuted at the end. Anyway, in a MAX comic, that sort of thing oughtta be both encouraged and embraced, and Kirkman goes for it right on page one, with Cory Walker doing an amazing job with that first panel. It’s memorable–heck, given the first page, last page, and the full-page shot near the beginning, the violence almost overpowers any other aspect of the book–but it’s also hilarious, and I get the idea that he’s playing the Evil Dead 2 amounts of blood and gore for laughs to balance out the more serious aspects of the story. And on that front, brother, it’s a hoot.

It’s well worth picking up, and it’s nice to see another project that revives one of Marvel’s forgotten Golden Age characters, especially since in doing research, I discovered from Wikipedia that the Destroyer “was occasionally abetted by an Allied agent with the, in retrospect, rather unfortunate name of Florence von Banger.” God bless you, Stan Lee. God bless us all.

GI Joe #4: Lately, I’ve been reviewing issues of GI Joe in haiku form, owing to both my love of Japanese poetry that can be applied to RoboCop and the fact that there’s just not a whole hell of a lot to talk about in this book. To be blunt, it’s just not very good, and while it’s been improving with every issue, the quality’s coming in increments fed by a story that’s slower than molasses in January. There are, however, two major things to discuss with this issue.

1) This Dave Johnson cover is totally awesome:

And 2)…

That’s what she said.

Irredeemable #1: Grant Morrison–who I’ll get to in a second–does a better job reviewing this one in his afterword than anything else I could add to it, so I’ll just sum up, for those of you on the fence about whether to pick this one up and give it a shot. Essentially, it’s Mark Waid doing What If… Superman Heard What People Say About Him On the Internet And Went Apeshit, and I gotta confess, the idea of a super-hero so thin-skinned that the potshots that come with even a small amount of celebrity eventually drive him to revenge himself on the entire world is one that I find both genuinely amusing and fantastically appealing.

I mean, this guy probably didn’t even have people telling him how he could’ve made his jokes better.

As to whether it lives up to the hype, I’m not quite sure yet. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good comic–closer to Astro City than what you might expect from Mark Waid–but there’s been a lot of hype for it, verging on the pretentious. I mean, this is a comic book with an afterword, for cripes sake, and when you throw in the “Mark Waid is Evil!” campaign they’ve been hammering on for a while, that’s a lot of swagger for a book to live up to. Removed from all that, though, it’s still highly enjoyable, and well worth a read.

Sabrina the Teenage Witch #101: I’m sure you’re all relieved that I decided not to write a thousand words about Sabrina and blow off everything else this week, but I’d be remiss if I let this one pass without at least a mention.

Those of you who were paying attention last time might recall that I wasn’t really looking forward to this story, where Ian Flynn and Chad Thomas were given the unenviable task of following up Tania Del Rio’s run with a story that not only didn’t feature the title character, but was based entirely around the adventures of her cat when he was a boy. Of course, as we all know, Salem wasn’t always a cat, and this one takes place well before he attempts to conquer the magic realm by force and is sentenced to feline imprisonment.

Which brings up another problem I was worried about: Salem is, at heart, a greedy, power-mad jerk bent on world domination, and casting him as the hero brings up the same problems as, say, the latest animated installment of the Series That Shall Not Be Named: It’s hard to root for the guy when you know how it all works out in the end. Of course, this is Archie Comics, so “world domination” at this scale really isn’t all that bad, but still, I was impressed that Flynn and Thomas manage to sidestep that little trap by casting young Salem as kind of a greedy, power-mad kid. Not so much that he’s what you’d call an anti-hero (though as close as you’re likely to get from Archie), but enough that you’re able to reconcile it with how he goes off the rails later in life, and then repents once he becomes a cat.

Then again, there’s also a talking frog and a big ol’ pile of treasure, so I might just be reading too much into it.

Seaguy: Slaves of Mickey Eye #1: Back when I was evangelizing Final Crisis and the completely and utterly radical Batman R.I.P., there were a couple of folks who dismissed my reviews by saying that I was just in the tank for Grant Morrison, and you know what? That’s fine. Because if being in the tank for Grant Morrison means I get to read Seaguy, then in the tank I’ll be.

You want me to tell you how great Kill Your Boyfriend is and how The Invisibles changed my life? You got it, brother. You want me to laud Kid Eternity as the pinnacle of Vertigo? Sure, I’m on it. You want me to rush out and buy that Resurrection of Ra’s al-Ghul hardcover because G-Mo’s got two issues in it? … Well, maybe I’m not willing to go that far. But it’s tempting.

Point being, I love Seaguy, and while I’m pretty solid on why I like other Morrison books, this is the one that I have a hard time explaining my affection for. I mean sure, Cameron Stewart’s art is fantastic, and there’s the oddball supporting cast, and the sinister tone that lies just underneath the goofiness of it all, but there’s also something else in there that I just can’t put my finger on, and it adds up to a book that I just can’t get enough of.

Although now that I think of it, it might just be the dinosaurs.

And that’s the week. As always, questions and concerns can be left in the comments section below, so feel free to drop a line. And start preparing yourself now, because next week, Solomon Stone hits like a hammer, and in the immortal words of Martin Lawrence….

Believe that.