Giant Robot Super-Heroes!

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After taking on the Punisher’s brief tenure as a black guy earlier this week, I thought it might be a good idea to take this opportunity and explain another one of the more obscure references I’ve made lately. This time, though, I’m bringing out one of the most awesome pieces of Marvel history that remains overlooked to this day, much to the detriment of the company at large.

I refer, of course, to the mind-shattering saga of the Marvel MegaMorphs.

 

 

Written by Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane‘s Sean McKeever with art by four-time Mortal Kombat tournament champion Liu Kang–sorry, that’s actually Lou Kang, of Warlands fame–this series is about… Well, you can probably guess the premise just from looking at the cover, but just for the sake of being complete, I’ll go through it one more time for those of you in the back:

 

 

Of course we can, Tony! That’s why they call these meetings “Anonymous.”

Yes, Tony Stark, in an effort to stay on the cutting edge of the super-heroes’ war on crime, has created The MegaMorphs, which are giant transforming robots powered by the super-powers of the user. Thus, the Spider-Man robot can shoot webs and climb on walls and the Wolverine robot can repair damage to itself, but only when Spider-Man and Wolverine are riding around in them.

One more time, that’s a giant robot that has a healing factor powered by its driver’s own mutant abilities.

This is unquestionably one of the absolute stupidest premises in the history of comics. And it is also genius.

McKeever and Kang take the basis for the story–provided, much like our beloved ROM: Spaceknight, by a toy line consistently rated at one whole star on Amazon–and just go freakin’ nuts with it. These are guys who don’t waste time asking why the Hulk needs a giant green robot that can turn into a tank, but instead focus on all the things the Hulk could smash with a giant green robot that can turn into a tank.

And it’s non-stop: Aside from Tony Stark’s half-sheepish, half-bragging introductions, there is absolutely no explanation made whatsoever to explain how these things are supposed to work, which becomes especially problematic when Ghost Rider’s giant metal body starts shooting mystical hellfire out of giant flamethrowers. Heck, there’s not even really a discussion of what these things are supposed to accomplish by turning into hundred foot-long giant motorcycles and metal spiders at all. Instead, all of that is neatly avoided, and replaced starting on page two with scenes like this:

 

 

Your eyes do not deceive you: In a master plan almost worthy of Spidey Super Stories, That is a Giant Robot Doctor Octopus using rockets to steal the Statue of Liberty so he can build a giant machine that will steal the powers of every super-hero on Earth. It’s been a while, but I think it’s safe to say it:

YOU ARE NOW FREAKING OUT!

And it just gets crazier from there: The first part of the trade is taken up with the comics that were included with each of the figures, where we see the MegaMorphs utterly failling to stop Giant Robot Doc Ock’s evil plan. Which, for those of you keeping score at home, means that yes, he manages to steal the entire Statue of Liberty by using rockets, even though Captain America hits him so hard that he gives a giant robot googly eyes.

They do eventually manage to beat him through, I don’t know, togetherness or teamwork or believing in yourself or something like that, but not before it’s revealed that Dr. Octopus was working for someone far more sinister, but with an equal postgraduate education.

 

 

That’s right: Dr. Doom not only hired Doc Ock to steal the plans for the MegaMorphs and built an entire army of giant Doombots to fight them, but takes over the Hulk’s brain and attacks a SHIELD installation to achieve his true goal, which would allow them to destroy the MegaMorphs himself. And what, I ask you, could he possibly have in mind to take on a squad of super-powered giant robots?

How about AN EVEN BIGGER SUPER-POWERED GIANT ROBOT.

 

 

RED F$%&ING RONIN
Oh Yeeeeeeeeah!

When you absolutely positively have to team up with a bowler-wearing secret agent to take on the King of All Monsters… Accept no substitutes.

Long story short, Red Ronin kicks the crap out of the MegaMorphs for a while until clean living and cooperation save the day or something, and everything pretty much works out okay.

That might sound vague, but to be honest, I have absolutely no idea how this story actually ends, because every time I see this…

 

 

…my brain explodes.

I mean really: That’s Giant Robot Spider-Man riding around on a motorcycle–which is on fire because it is also Giant Robot Ghost Rider–and dragging Red Ronin’s decapitated robot body behind him on a giant spider-web. The only way that could be better is if they jumped a creek while the horn played Dixie.

BELIEVE IT.

 

 

BONUS FEATURE:
The Two Most Awesome Non-Fightin’ Scenes
From Marvel MegaMorphs

 

 

 

Oh yeah. That’s continuity, suckers.

47 thoughts on “Giant Robot Super-Heroes!”

  2. Holy crap! I just started Freaking the hell out! But wait, Doom does have his own special giant Doombot in green?

  4. Too bad the toys were utterly awful–on par with the late-90s “Shape Shifters” line. Still, a heck of a fun little comic from what I saw.

  7. I bought the Ghost Rider figure. It doesn’t really transform all that well, or stand up. The instructions not being in english doesn’t help. The only cool thing is the 2″ GR figure that came with it, which actually looks decent.

  11. Despite my life-long (platonic) love of giant robots that turn into things, I’ve never given the Megamorphs much thought. However, this trade appears to be a must-purchase if only for the ‘New FF’ mention. Also, Doctor Octopus strapping rockets to the Statue of Liberty, and Red Ronin. Good God y’all.

  13. I remember Spidey, I remember.

    No if we can have a MegaMorph / Shogun Warrior crossover, that would be the end all be all of giant robot awesomeness.

  14. Actually, I somehow have the Ghost Rider Megamorph, standing and clutching G.R. like Fay Wray, at my desk right now. My son and I both have that one (it was clearanced) and neither of us can transform it…

    The Cap and Iron Man ones are fun for re-enacting how Civil War should’ve gone.

  16. I am indeed freaking out now. Also, I kind of want to buy this trade, for the sheer awesomeness. And possibly the Wolverine MegaMorph *g*.

  17. If only I’d managed to live another 226 years, this would have been the most rockin’ awesome experience in my lifetime.

  18. …

    …

    …

    Holy crap… Tony Stark rolling up on teh X-Mansion, dangling an enormous Worlverine-bot and going “Looooogan…. Looooooooooooogggaaaaannnn… I got a giant robot for you… come out and plaaaaaa-aaayyyyy….” is kick ass.

    It could have only been better had Wolverine commented on Emma being jealous Tony wasn’t there to play with her… again… their Friends with Benefits relationship reveal being the only thing noteworthy of the X-men Civil War tie-in.

    Conversely, Cyclops saying “Where was that thing last time we were attacked by sentinels?” would have been fairly cool.

  19. This is one of the best posts ever.

    Somebody should pay you for this. Somebody, of course, being not me. I like to read and laugh for free.

    You, Mr. Sims, ARE the Invincible Super Blogger.

  22. I like how giant robot Captain America, like Spider-Man in a recent Blockade Boy post, is totally getting his KRUNK on in there!

  23. I snikcered and sneered at this for a while, but I eventually bought the digest (hey, it’s McKeever and giant robots), and I admit I actually did kind of like it, particularly the Spidey dialogue. And seeing Hulk piloting anything.

  25. So giant mecha-Spidey actually rides giant mecha Ghost Rider whilst dragging the body of Red Ronin behind them?

    God bless you, Sean McKeever.

  26. Chris,

    You have the best tidbits evah! You’re like Rammstein and Chocolate Ice-Cream and Steak all in one!

  27. This is the coolest blog ever. This post ought to be plastered on the front of the Drudge Report with that little flashy police light thingee and a headline that reads “You Suck If You Aren’t Reading This!”

  28. I hate to be crude, but McKeever deserves to be knee-deep in ‘tang. Seriously, if I was a woman, I’d be on his doorstep right now wearing nothing but an “I Spidey” t-shirt (and the heart looks just like the one in the title for SMLMJ).

    So in the end, I guess what I’m saying is Sean McKeever makes me question my sexuality with everything he writes. In a good way.

  29. Oddly enough, the New Fantastic Four is very similar in concept to the New Avengers. Basically take all of the most popular characters you have and put them together on a team. Though it was never very interesting…

  32. I had the Supermobile matchbox. It didn’t make me as popular as you would think. It was the 80’s. People’s values were all topsy turvey.

  33. Oh MAN.

    I was waffling, but the New Fantastic Four reference pushes it over the top.

  34. You know, with the now invitable rush to our friendly neighborood comics shop to pick these up (I am going as soon as I hit “submit”), and the inevitable reorders, and when that news inevitably reaches the suits at Marvel…

    Mr. Sims, you may have just enabled Megamorphs 2.

  37. Availability: In Stock. Ships from and sold by Amazon.com. Gift-wrap available.

    Only 1 left in stock–order soon (more on the way).

    Chris Sims. Trendsetter.

  39. See, when someone can take a toy line– not even a GOOD toyline– and put more “Gosh-Wow!” in the series than in anything else out now (‘cept Iron Fist, of course)–THAT’S what’s wrong w/ comics nowadays.

  40. See, when someone can take a toy line– not even a GOOD toyline– and put more “Gosh-Wow!” in the series than in anything else out now

    This technique is known as Mantlofication.

  42. That last panel with Spidey is so exquisitely perfect a tiny part of my brain exploded just reading the punchline. Thanks!

  43. In that panel showing Captain Americopter, does it look really like the Switchblade from M.A.S.K. or is it just me?

  44. Oh hell yes.

    I love Red Ronin. I don’t understand why he wasn’t in EVERY ISSUE of the Marvel Shogun Warriors series, and in fact didn’t show up there once. OK, actually I kind of can understand that. Best not to draw attention to the obvious influences. Still, it would have been awesome.

    Though not nearly as awesome as if they pitted Red Ronin against the Ameridroid:
    http://www.marvunapp.com/Appendix/ameridrd.htm

    I demand that this happen immediately.

  46. So, I either misread or something, but if these robots are powered by their users’ super-powers, whiskey tango foxtrot is up with Captain America’s robot? Cap has no powers!

  47. You know, I saw this line of toys come out, but I never knew they actually bothered with a comic. So, that would mean that this giant robot fest actually exists as a separate Marvel Universe. Can you imagine a cross-over between the 616 Universe and this one?!!! PLus if the individual powers of the Hulk robot/tank would’ve completely owned every square nanometer of this comic, hands down.