Because I hate myself, I read Kevin Smith’s latest foray into comics, which was no doubt aided by cobblers, elves, and a strict drug regimen. Here’s the short version:
That pretty much sums it up.
Batman: The Widening Gyre #6 Is The Worst Batman Comic I Have Ever Read
Chris, you have to stop reading Kevin Smith comics. You’re slowly devaluing the term “worst comic I have ever read” as critical currency.
I’m inclined to go with shit-sandwhich. It encapsulates the whole thing.
Oh. My. God.
Is it just me or have an amazingly disproportionate number of “worst comics I’ve ever read” come from the LAST 2-3 YEARS ALONE?
I’m not a fan of Smith’s comic writing either, but be specific. Why did the issue suck and how?
No offense, but any mope can sound like Comic Book Guy.
I think it’s a sad commentary on the average comics fan that I’ve seen more outrage in the past 24 hours over Batman having a natural reflexive response to intense heat near his manhood then over the fact that Silver St. Cloud has seemingly been Fridged in the same book.
I’m not surprised. Just saddened.
I’m not a fan of Smith’s comic writing either, but be specific. Why did the issue suck and how?
Did you miss the link to the 25+ Paragraph article or…?
CHV, you have to follow the link for the actual review.
dead on target, Earl. dead on target.
I could say more about the subject matter itself, myself, but I’m pretty sure I’m already in the running for a Red Lantern ring in this sector and I don’t wanna take a job that makes me commute to Pluto and back before lunchtime.
Am I imagining things, but wasn’t Smith’s run on Green Arrow pretty good? What the hell happened between there and here?
I guess you can’y blame the guy, but Smith’s twitter stream right now is like a hundred retweets of people praising the Widening Gyre. He’s also retweeted several messages of support against the “haters”. Smith seems like a nice enough guy, but it all just comes off as delusional. The comic is not very good, but Smith himself is calling it a classic.
Dave:
Lots and lots and lots of marijuana. Apparently it’s a fixed part of his writing routine to get so stoned that he can’t actually remember writing his scripts.
Just wondering, which two and a half did you think were his good movies?
Was I deluding myself when I thought his Green Arrow run was good stuff the same way people are now deluding themselves into thinking his Batman stuff is good?
I read the first two issues of “Cacophony” and found them to be appallingly bad, hard to believe he’s actually gotten worse!
I’m not a fan of Smith’s comic writing either, but be specific. Why did the issue suck and how? No offense, but any mope can sound like Comic Book Guy.
Apparently any mope can miss a hyperlink too. Just click on the cover or the words “I read Kevin Smith’s latest foray into comics” and you’ll be whisked over to a full review at ComicsAlliance.
I guess you can’y blame the guy, but Smith’s twitter stream right now is like a hundred retweets of people praising the Widening Gyre. He’s also retweeted several messages of support against the “hatersâ€.
This is what is known as “The Juggalo Stratagem.”
Coincidentally, that is the title of my upcoming Tom Clancyesque thriller.
Just wondering, which two and a half did you think were his good movies?
Clerks, Mallrats, about 45% of Dogma and the line “what the fuck is the Internet?” from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.
Was I deluding myself when I thought his Green Arrow run was good stuff the same way people are now deluding themselves into thinking his Batman stuff is good?
I don’t think Daredevil holds up at all, but while I haven’t read it in a while, I think Green Arrow at least played to his strengths (reveling in minutiae being a selling point of bringing Ollie Queen back from the dead), and had that good good good Phil Hester/Ande Parks art.
I listened to the Widening Gyre panel from Comic-Con, and it seems like Kevin Smith lives and dies on the critical reaction to his work. He mentions almost quitting comics over the comments and reviews for Cacophony, until the sales numbers for the hardcover came out. Likewise, he became very depressed over the failure of Zack and Miri. I think that explains his treatment of Batman, as he is trying to please both DC Comics fans by entrenching Bats in all his mythos and grandeur, and his own fans by attaching Walt Flannigan and some dick jokes.
After listening to the panel, I also found out that Kevin did have some good ideas for this book, and his reasoning did make some sense, but it falls apart when you look at the transition from his speech about the genesis and thesis of the book and the poor execution.
This is some elaborate gag by you and Chad, right? Did you get Rusty Shackles to mock up those pages at Comics Alliance?
That was bad and Kevin Smith should feel bad. But now I’m off to read up on crossbows, so at least you’ve made this a learning experience!
@Starman. Silver’s cheap kill-off is exactly what I am thinking of when I call this thing a shit-sandwhich.
More like “Batman: The Widdling Gyre”, amirite?
Starman, I think the reasoning for this is that people in comics, especially women, ESPECIALLY girlfriends, get killed all the time, to the point where, as you show, we’ve developed a single word to encapsulate the idea. Whereas Batman wetting himself is just… silly. Not even entertainingly silly, but “Why was this allowed into print?” silly. Killing off females for cheap drama may be infuriating, but we’re used to it. Batman pissing his pants is a new idea, to say the least. Of course it’s going to jump out at people.
You know, Sims? This is the only thing I hate about your reviews. You just _know_ Chris Sims is gonna thrash a Kevin Smith book, no matter the circumstances.
So Batman pisses on his thights. Poison Ivy remembers that cannabis is a part of the plant kingdom and uses it against Batman. And then you throw a fit. Bee S.
When did you started hating goofy sh*t, Mr. I-Love-The-Silver-Age? Batman having pajama parties with Superman, anyone?
Batman takes his squeeze to Superman’s place and spouts a few phases that reminded you of a famous story by Alan Moore. Call the f****** ambulance. Smith makes a new character and he ends up beating up the Joker. Who hasn’t? It’s not like crappy characters like Azbats hasn’t done that before. And trusting a hero that turns out to be a villain? Nope. Never happened before.
And newsflash: Batman CAN be a jerk. Sure, he’s one of the greatest super-heroes ever, but some writers prefer to portray him as a traumatized control freak. In stories that work, mind you. Batman has been known to build stuff like OMAC. He has been known to create sinthetic kriptonite, “just in case”. He sent Superman away from “his” city during No Man’s Land, even when he could have easily fixed everything in a few hours.
Yeah, truth to be told, Widening Gyre is Not Very Good, but the ISB has seen and allowed much of NVG comics to exist, content with making just a snarky remark about them. But since WG is written by Kevin Smith, it can’t be just “not very good”. It has to be a f****** blasphemy. When it comes down to Kevin Smith, Sims stops making good reviews and reduces himself to a freaking crap-slinging monkey. And, as a ISB reader, I hate that.
Chris:
When I brought up this posting, the link you cite above was not functional.
That should be ‘as AN ISB reader’, OhBoy.
“Thights” was a creative typo, though. Coinage!
When it comes down to Kevin Smith, Sims stops making good reviews and reduces himself to a freaking crap-slinging monkey. And, as a ISB reader, I hate that.
That’s nice.
I’m confused, OhBoy…since Kevin Smith’s used freaking crap-slinging monkeys several times (and each time they’ve been COMEDY GOLD), does that mean you’re giving Sims a compliment?
I will never understand Kevin Smith’s success. Dogma was probably the only movie of his where I didn’t want every single character to die a fiery death.
His writing not being very good? That’s old news, folks. He’s been a crap writer with a bunch of people telling him his crap is spun gold for years now. I’ve read his Superman script – it sucked. I’ve read fan-fiction that had more coherence.
Green Arrow shocked the hell out of me because it was actually good. It was sort of the reverse of reading Barry Ween and then reading Judd Winick’s other work and realizing he really needs to stay away from superhero comics.
Same with Kevin Smith. Just stay away. Marvel Comics guys dropped acid and gave us the Hulk eating beans, he does weed and we get Batman pissing himself. Not even a close contest.
Hey Oh, Boy. (As an aside, did you intentionally pick a name that would sound like a come-on every time someone wanted to reply to you? Just wondering.)
I don’t think the problem here is that Kevin Smith wants to write goofy shit, because, seriously, we all LOVE goofy shit. The real problem here is that goofy shit does not fly unless it is actually well-written, and “Widening Gyre,” unfortunately, is not even close.
It’s not like Smith doesn’t have talent, after all, and I really don’t think Chris ever said otherwise. The really frustrating point is that a guy who CAN write, and has undoubtedly worked very hard for his entire adult life up until this point to get to a position where he is allowed to write ANYTHING, consistently squanders that opportunity and takes the easy way out by publishing stuff that doesn’t even come close to his best work. Wasting talent is a heinous thing to do, and it’s actually pretty painful to watch an arguably competent author embarrass himself this badly in public.
Greg Land can actually draw original stuff, you know, and he can do it really well; he just doesn’t do it too much anymore because people pay him to trace porno instead. This is pretty much the equivalent of that, but with scripts.
In conclusion, NO U
Goofy shit flies all the time in the Silver Age, and those things aren’t exactly “well-written” either.
But seriously, WTF Kevin Smith. You did that awesome Green Arrow dude! GREEN ARROW!
I don’t understand why DC absolutely MUST put out comics that make Batman look bad,especially in comics that pretty much soley exist to be put in a big hardcover and faced out at Borders to appeal to casual fans.
Imagine being like 15 or do,watching The Dark Knight and thinking it’s totally awesome.
you like it so much you say,maybe I’ll check out those “graphic novels” the movies are based on. If the first one you read has Batman making a kid eat a rat,or Batman pissing his pants,you probably won’t be reading any more comics for a long time.
I do have to stick up for Flannigan,though. I’d like to see any of you do better artwork while under such strict deadlines!
“Batman peed his pants”?
Sounds like an extra line from that little kid’s “naughty” version of Jingle Bells.
I’m thinking about Chasing Amy, which I quite liked until I heard Smith talking about it and learned that he didn’t see anything wrong with the movie’s asshole protagonist, and indeed regarded the script as autobiographical with no shame over the events in his life it depicted. So maybe when Smith has Batman “behaving like an idiot,” he’s just inserting himself into the story: “Hm, what would I do in this situation? I’d wet my pants!” Not realizing that Batman’s supposed to be a better man than Kevin Smith.
It seems Chris likes to use the free hand he isn’t using to constantly masturbate over every word Grant Morrison writes to sling excrement at every word Kevin Smith writes.
Get a new bit already Chris, this one is run so far into the ground even the Moleman is sick of hearing it.
“So maybe when Smith has Batman “behaving like an idiot,†he’s just inserting himself into the story: “Hm, what would I do in this situation? I’d wet my pants!†Not realizing that Batman’s supposed to be a better man than Kevin Smith.”
No that was issue 4.
Right on the nose, Kelven. Chris has this nasty problem of praising on really good comics written by incredibly talented creators, and calling out poorly written comics as being exactly what they are.
And with an analogy like that, it’s not remotely surprising that you’d be defending Smith. Excrement and masturbation are the primary (if not the only) tools in that guy’s creative repertoire.
I still haven’t forgiven Kevin Smith for breaking up Joey and Caitlin on Degrassi: TNG.
To everyone complaining about Sims beating a dead horse-
What is he supposed to do? He runs a site featuring (mainly) humorous reviews of and articles about comic books. Kevin Smith repeatedly churns out comic books that are hillariously awful. OF COURSE there will be several articles bashing Smith. He pretty much bashes himself by having Ba-excuse me,Deedee,piss in his pants.
So, you were saying something about getting rid of “Big Ups”?
“Right on the nose, Kelven. Chris has this nasty problem of praising on really good comics written by incredibly talented creators, and calling out poorly written comics as being exactly what they are.”
Where was I defending Smith exactly? I can’t stand the guy’s writing and wouldn’t buy any book with his name attached. I was merely making a point about how sick I am of hearing Sims’ constant mouth running on the guy.
It’s become almost as tedious to read as the fawning over everything Grant Morrison does (Even when it’s terrible, self indulgent hogwash, as too much of his post X-Men work has been to me. With Oberon Sexton’s identity reveal being as retarded a “twist” as I’ve ever seen in a Bat book by the by) and the “Haha Rob Liefield can’t draw!” posts.
Rob Liefeld will never not be funny.
You’re right, that is literally all I do anymore. Weak sauce, me. Weak sauce.
I heard I was thinking of changing the name of the site to Chris’s Invincible Super-Blog Of Masturbating To Grant Morrison Comics And Flinging Excrement (I Don’t Want To Say “Shit” Because My Mom Might See This) At Kevin Smith, but I’m too cheap to spend ten bucks on registering the-isbomtgmcafe(idwtssbmmmst)aks.com.
Yeah, masturbating with one hand and slinging excrement with the other is a bad idea. Sooner or later you forget which hand does what and it never ends well.
Or so I have heard.
I wonder how many of these fans of Kevin Smith also do the dope. It’d make sense then why anyone would think Kevin Smith has any talent. I guess it’s true, giant man children with the maturity and intelligence quotient of a 12 year old do read comics.
But then again, Grant Morrison is rarely ON as far as I’m concerned and I think Johnathon Hickman would be better writing textbooks or corporate pamphlets.
I was with you until that last part.
I’m not going to get involved in the why Kevin Smith is churning out crud lately debate. I would like to say that I both enjoy and look forward to Senor Simms writing. Please keep putting out these great and often humorous article. They quite often cause me to piss myself. Good thing i have “Batman Brand Depends.”
Yeesh, and I liked Clerks. I wanna see Chasing Amy too, but damnnn..
I did an, admittedly quick, count and as far as I can see in the last 60 posts/articles Sims has written either here, for the alliance or anywhere else (including podcasts and comics, and not counting links from here to somewhere else as two things) he’s mentioned how awesome morrison is 4 or 5 times and how bad Smith can be I think twice. So, I’m not quite sure the word `constantly’ means what Kelven thinks it means.
I’ve been digging the hell out of Wideniing Gyre. Some of y’all need to read some real literature so you can keep super hero stories in perspective. It’s not worth all the energy some of y’all put into it. Why should a crow be anything but a crow?
Please explain how reading “real literature” will help this comic look better by comparison. The floor is yours.
@Michael, hunh?
I found it entertaining, but it had many flaws. I could overlook most of them except the background check. For that, it had to be real or seriously good fake. Batman doesn’t just take people’s word when he’s decided to investigate them.
Repeating my comment from CA:
‘I assumed love was making Bats crazy too. The person we see who suspected Silver of being a robot seemed more like ‘Batman’ than the man who was stupid in love. It was like Silver was literally creating a Bruce Wayne out of the Batman entity. And that man was just a man, who was so tired of living inside the Bat.
I suspect the next volume we will find out that ‘Baphomet’ was designed by Joker–because who else would know Batman well enough to create an acceptable substitute? Not one of his protegees. Batman is their parent, they’ll always be his kids. It had to be someone with a nightmarish Jungian quality, an obsessive need to fight, and a suppressed desire to just end the mass murderers. Subconciously, the new Silver-created ‘Bruce’ believed that he could escape Batman if the new ‘Batman’ would step into his place. A scapegoat, in the old sense of the word, when a goat was literally sacrificed for community sins.
And I have to wonder if we’ll find out that Onomatopoeia was gassing Batman with a drug to make him amenable to suggestion. It would explain the freaky flashbacks, the dizzy sudden relaxation into love, and inviting Baphomet to the Batcave for an unmasking.
Unfortunately, it would mean Kevin Smith would be reusing the schtick from his run on Daredevil to make him insane!’