Chris vs. Previews: August 2007, Round Two

The major publishers had their turn last night, but now it’s time for the ISB to take on the small press, the merch and the last bastion of good taste in the comics industry, the apparel section, which insists on combining the alleged hilarity of zombies with the sure-fire comedy of product parodies to create… well, something that just leaves us all kinda sad inside:



Huh. Now that I think of it, being sad inside is also a pretty good description of what happens after a Crave Case, so maybe it’s appropriate after all. Either way, it’s the second half of this month’s Previews rundown, and the bell rings now!



P. 215 – ADV: Just a friendly reminder for those of you who might’ve missed it: This month’s got the solicitations for new volumes of Yotsuba&! and Cromartie High School, the two funniest manga series coming out. And that, for the record, makes someone this happy:



P. 231 – Archie Comics: I realize that not everyone shares my affection for the teens of Riverdale, but along with a reappearance by Raj Patel in a story involving the Nintendo Wii and the fact that the groundbreaking “Civil Chores” crossover has spilled out into a third issue, something else caught my eye:


“When Jughead’s mom buys him a cologne engineered to drive the girls crazy, all the girls in town find Jughead ‘adorable!'”


I’ve got to admit, I’m curious at which scent they went with for this issue. London Gentleman? Blackbeard’s Delight? No, of course… Jughead gets hold of some Sex Panther. Sixty percent of the time… it works all the time.


P. 325 – Olympian Publishing: Aside from my affection for guys like Harvey Kurtzman and Wally Wood–which, really, comes more from my love of those awesome, early MAD Magazine issues than anything else–Pre-Code Horror Comics have never really been my thing. Admittedly, they were light years ahead of their super-heroic counterparts in a lot of respects, but for some reason, they generally just don’t have the same appeal to me that they hold for guys like Sterling and Brandon Bragg. That said, however, my interest in the oddities of the Golden Age has recently spiked thanks to Paul Karasik’s excellent I Shall Destroy All The Civilized Planets, and the fact that this thing has a story called “Give Me Back My Head!” is almost enough to make be buy it just for that, and after all, it’s only fourteen bucks.

Thus, I turn to you guys: Anybody out there know anything about this book (and its companion piece, Witchcraft) besides the obvious? Let me know if it’s worth it.


P. 343 – Tokyopop Manga: I was all set to make a joke about this thing…



…but every time I went to type the title, I passed out and woke up six hours later in a puddle of my own blood. Now I’m not saying it’ll give you an aneurysm, but… Actually, you know what? That is what I’m saying:

Bratz Babyz Cine-Manga Will Give You An Aneurysm.


P. 358 – Virgin Comics: I’m going to be honest with you guys here: I do not understand Virgin Comics at all. Not the part where they’re getting Hollywood guys like John Woo, Guy Ritchie and Nicolas Cage to plot series for them, and even though self-help author and amateur physicist Deepak Chopra isn’t the first name to pop into my head when I think about all-out action, I can understand that since he’s the shot-caller, he can make comics if he wants to. That stuff, I get. But this is what I can’t get my head around:



Even putting aside the fact that they’re doing a story about a mystical artifact starring a character whose raison d’etre is to explain the tricks involved in real-life illusions, the last “Masked Magician” special aired on television almost ten years ago. Was there really an outcry from people demanding a comics tie-in to the property at this point? Was that episode of Diagnosis: Murder he showed up in really doing that well in syndication? You confuse me, Virgin Comics, and I don’t like it. Especially when you could have a total hit on your hands… with this guy:






P. 427 – Wolf & Byrd T-Shirt: At first, I thought that the folks at Diamond–who I’d previously assumed had just gotten someone’s sister to pose in their t-shirts when it came time to put the catalog together–had been stepping up their game when it came to getting models, but upon closer examination…



…it appears that they just went ahead and photoshopped the logo onto a girl in a plain white shirt. Stock photos, Diamond? For shame.


P. 428 – Silver Surfer “Big One” T-Shirt:



What The Comics Fan Sees: Norrin Radd, the noble hero who sacrificed his own humanity to save his planet, damning his own soul to rescue the ones he loved.

What Everyone Else Sees: “Hey, how come that dildo has hands?”



And on that note, it’s probably best to call it a wrap on another high-class edition of Chris vs. Previews. As always, if you’ve got any thoughts on something I missed this time around–like the Super-Hero Squad two-pack featuring a gigantic wife-beater and an alcoholic with brain cancer that finally topped the Punisher/Ghost Rider set for being inappropriate for kids–feel free to drop a line.

24 thoughts on “Chris vs. Previews: August 2007, Round Two

  1. Me, I thought Jughead had found himself trapped in a Harlan Ellison story, and I was looking forward to the next issue, when Dillon would encounter the alien who’s looking for Kadak.

  2. The most terrifying thing is that the inherent properties of Cine-Manga (Tokyopop takes stills from a movie and cartoon and adds word balloons to the pictures to create 30+ pages of sheer half-assed “entertainment”) means…there’s a Bratz Babyz animated movie out there.

    Let that sink into your brain, like an acid.

  3. I would totally give my kids the gigantic wife beater and an alcoholic with brain cancer set. If only to teach them the harsh realites of our hero regestraion days.

    On second thought, maybe its better I don’t have kids.

  4. …there’s a Bratz Babyz animated movie out there.

    Yes there is. My five-year-old daughter has a copy and every time she watches it a little piece of me dies inside.

  5. Esad Ribic paints the gayest covers EVER, and nobody at Marvel seems to notice. I think that’s hilarious.

  6. Who comes back every month to take on a new challenger?

    Same Chris, new previews.

    The winner is obvious.

  7. Random question: Were you at a library in a town called Easley sometime last week? I ask because there’s someone who was there who looked exactly like you, and I think he may have muttered something discouraging about Joss Whedon under his breath when I walked by him.

  8. “What Everyone Else Sees: ‘Hey, how come that dildo has hands?'”

    How else is he going to give reacharounds?

  9. I would have preferred they bring back Jughead’s magic hat pen that makes him irresistible to women.

    Actually, Phil, it showed up just recently in one of the digests! Archie wants to borrow it at the beach, but Jug won’t let him, which, seriously, makes Jughead a total dick.

    He doesn’t even like girls.

    Same Chris, new previews.

    Same jokes, too, but it’s nice that we can all pretend we don’t notice.

    Random question: Were you at a library in a town called Easley sometime last week?

    Nope. Not only do I have no idea where Easley is, but I actually don’t get out to the library as much as I’d like–the actual last book I checked out was Chuck Norris’s Justice Riders, and that was over a year ago.

    Besides, I actually like Joss Whedon. I like Buffy, I like Firefly and I like his comics (except Fray), but this isn’t the first time I’ve been mistaken for someone who doesn’t.

    Now his die-hard fans, on the other hand…

    No love for Yakitate!! Japan, Chris?

    You shot who in the what now?

  10. Yakitate!! Japan is a comedy manga about the fast-paced world of professional bread baking.

    It’s notable for the hilarious hallucinations caused by bread that just tastes SO damn good and the President of the United States being Brad Pitt.

  11. Wow Yotsuba&! Fuck yeah! It makes me sad I stopped reading Archie comics back in high school, Jughead was the only character I didn’t end up hating.

  12. >>Actually, Phil, it showed up just recently in one of the digests! Archie wants to borrow it at the beach, but Jug won’t let him, which, seriously, makes Jughead a total dick.

    He doesn’t even like girls.

    Just read that story last week – it was a little weird, because you’re right; Jughead doesn’t like girls; but he gets totally emo at the beach because no girls are attracted to him. Except the one who he acts like a jerk to.

  13. I just wanted to thank you for turning me on to Yotsuba. This is where I first read about the comic and now I’m totally addicted. So psyched for Vol 5. Thanks