Let’s Talk About Destro For a Minute

Guys, this is Destro:



Destro, these are the guys.

For those of you who are only familiar with him in his role as COBRA’s favorite arms dealer, it might surprise you to learn that there’s more to him than just being the best-dressed Scotsman in comics:



Destro is a lover…



and a fighter.



He’s known for thinking deep thoughts…



…and offering sage wisdom to his associates.



He’s kind to animals…



… on occasion.



Sometimes, he looks like Telly Savalas.



Sometimes, he hires the world’s most vicious mercenary to go out into the woods and give him a relaxing deep-tissue massage.

And sometimes–not always, but sometimes….



…He shoots guys with his wrist-rockets while teaming up with a criminally insane ex-dentist to steal a Goddamn mummy for cloning purposes.


Truly it can be said: Destro contains multitudes.



BONUS FEATURE: Compare and Contrast!



The Baroness, Circa GI Joe #10.



The Baroness, circa GI Joe #24.


51 thoughts on “Let’s Talk About Destro For a Minute

  1. Damn, how does Baroness put that last outfit on? Does she grease it then jump off a diving board into it or something? You know a cat suit is tight when you can see the woman’s ribs. Compare and Contrast indeed.

  2. Because that is the only way you’ll see it without a leather awl.

    My favorite Destro moment was from the animated series.
    The Baroness thinks Destro is hot for Lady Jaye, and lures her to Castle MacCullen. In short order, Lady Jaye is in the hands of evil cultists Destro keeps handy, and about to be sacrificed to Cyaegha/Shuma-Gorath. Why Destro has an Elder God in his castle is not clear.

    BTW, Chris, the Scarface/Fred two-pack has a fresh Larry Hama comic with the secret origin of Dr. Mindbender.

  3. “Converted Heavy Bomber” has to be the filthiest thing I’ve heard all week. And that vagina on her chest IS A DEADLY SNAKE. Symbolism’s not just for kids anymore.

  4. You know, between Destro’s pimptastic style and Soundwave’s md DJ skills, I figure Hasbro HQ in the 1980’s must have been exactly like the Playboy mansion.

  5. And the vagina on her chest — excuse me, I think that’s actually labia — seems to be addressing us, which makes her very different by the time issue #24 rolls around. Unless her request for “the salutation” in issue #10 is supposed to be coming out all muffled through her Tina Fey style sweatshirt.

  6. Wow. She goes from a plump nerdy woman in a grandmotherlish pullover to a sex symbol in a tight leather outfit in no time.

  7. never knew Destro re-enacted The Taming Of The Shrew/My Fair Lady/Lame 90’s Remake.

    But wrist rockets? Yeah, we know what you really wanted that hand thrustage for…

  8. Actually, the Baroness was blown up real good in an issue somewheres (around #19 or so), got a whole lot of plastic surgery, and came back hot. So it’s explained in the plot, which is always nice.

  9. Let’s not overlook Destro’s pimpin’ wardrobe. Its tough to accessorize a polished berylium steel head, but Destro does it with style.

  10. How about when Destro went independent and formed the Iron Grenadiers? He went and made two wardrobe alterations that made his outfit even MORE pimptastic, if that is even possible. A CAPE. And instead of a silver mask, a GOLD mask. Gold mask=MORE BLING. Destro is THE MAN.

  11. Those wrist rockets are going to go off and blow that poor doggie’s head off, I just know it.

    That panel is making me very anxious right now.

  12. Oh, snap! Worth the two days wait.

    Man, back in c. 1983-84, Destro was the coolest game in town.

    Come to think of it, he still is. I bet if you asked a random sampling of guys my age for their dream weapon, “wrist missiles” would easily crack the top five.

  13. Ahh..Destro.

    When I was young and played with the toys, Destro was always too busy with his harem of loveslaves to go on any insane missions Cobra Commander had in mind.

    The Baroness, Scarlet, even Princess Leia…all entranced by that silver mask.

    As for the Baroness…let’s just mention one thing: the “Hush Job” story in Yearbook 3 which featured Scarlet knocking out the Baroness and taking her uniform, resulting in Hot Scarlet\Baroness and Baroness in her skivvies. A much perused page indeed…

  14. Those two Baroness panels are the entire storyboard for my proposed remake of “The Princess Diaries”.

  15. “Methinks I detect a bit of ye olde breast augmentation. Man, Cobra bennies rule!”

    I hear she got it covered by claiming that her uniforms didn’t fit properly. It’s a health and morale issue!!

  16. Actually, the Baroness was blown up real good in an issue somewheres (around #19 or so), got a whole lot of plastic surgery, and came back hot. So it’s explained in the plot, which is always nice.

    OMFG that is a real radical change… poor Barbara Gordon should have had that luck

  17. uh … Destro? Dude, I’m actually made of human flesh and not to take anything away from your Baloneyum skull, or whatever, but human flesh doesn’t actually dent either.

    Just sayin’ is all …

  18. On the downside for Destro, is his equipment. The original toy came with a case with a pistol inside. Arms dealer? Are you just selling pistols? Pistol? My arms dealer action figure comes with every gun ever made. Even guns from larger scale toys and guns from competing lines. Production costs are higher but she’s way cooler that way. Also, she’s the Baroness with a steel head.

  19. Gold Destro was super cool, but when he added the spinners and a portable DVD player on the back of his tunic…I dunno.

  20. I want to know what salutation the Baroness demands from her minions. I can only assume it’s so long and complicated that the intruders would have finished their work long before it’s over.

  21. The Salutation she demands in that issue is: “ALL HAIL MIGHTY COBRA!”

    In later years, it just became: “So… Anastasia, right? That’s a pretty name.”

  22. I was also wondering why Destro was so mad at the dog. But then I googled “Filthy Cur” and found out that he’s a really unpopular Magic The Gathering character whose card is only worth fifty cents in NM/M condition. And that’s the foil variant.

    Hasbro characters, why must you hate on each other?

  23. It’s not actually widely-known that in the late 80s, Destro turned witness for Interpol and was relocated to the US in the custody of the Witness Protection Program.

    Yes, Destro is Grant Morrison.

  24. God I read those comics religiously as a kid. I realized this morning that I actually remember the promo tag-line for the issue where the Baroness’s HISS tank blew up, setting up the plastic surgery (G.I. Joe #16):

    “Someone dies in: NIGHT ATTACK!

    It’s my second favorite tag line after the one for my all time favorite issue: “Joe Triumphs – But a Joe Dies!

    I remember this, but have no idea when my stepmother’s birthday is.

  25. Man, the live action film could be glorious…. could be.i…..if Chris Sims and Larry Hama wrote and co-directed. Sims would of course do the Cobra Commander, Baroness, Destro scenes. I wonder (strokes chin)what that would be like?

  26. I don’t know which makes me prouder, Chris…the fact you’re supporting Obama, or that you apparently have the total run of Marvel’s G.I. Joe.

  27. Supporting Obama, wow, what does he stand for, again, right, change.

    And a change was good for the baroness, apparently.

    What surgeon did she go to, Mcnamara/Troy?

  28. Obviously,the same Swiss surgeons that Snake-Eyes really late in the run…and gets a perfect for over of five minutes before Cobra takes it away.

    Setting up countless Jigsaw stories in Punisher for years.

  29. Okay, okay, I know I’m geeking it big stylee here but in the alternate world of Action Force (UK version of GI JOE), Destro actually started life as a Soviet known as the Red Jackal. During the big shake up in the Action Force/GI JOE changeover the Red Jackal attempted to take the life of his glorious leader, Baron Ironblood. Before he could get his hands around the neck of the iron headed one, the Red Jackal had acid thrown in his face which changed his appearance from the boxy robotic face to the “Telly Savalas” look. The final words he spoke before trying to destroy Baraon Ironblood were “Destro…Aiieeeeeee!!!”.

    Upon awaking from his coma, he pledges blind allegiance to his new leader, former Baron, but now, the Cobra Commander!

    And that’s the end of that chapter…

  30. I think the suit Baroness wears comes in pieces, and those pieces come apart but have zippers to zip them back up and then the zipped-up pieces have other zippers to attach to one another with. It’s just a big, leathery, zippery mess, but she manages to pull it off. Needless to say, she takes two hours in the bathroom for good reason, ROWR!