Today I received an email that may well change my life.
Here, take a look:
Chris,
I know you have seen our first film, Batman: Defenders of the Night. Perhaps you have seen our second film, Batman: Dark Betrayals. But I am about to unleash upon you what only a few men have ever seen before. I give you the final chapter in our legacy, Batman: Return of the Dark Knight.
Here is the link to the trilogy.
Be careful in this journey. Do not underestimate the power you hold.
Regards,
Dick Grayson
Yes, friends, your eyes do not deceive you: Not only have I gotten an email from Robin himself, but the epic trilogy that began with Batman: Defenders of the Night has finished.
And rest assured, friends: I do not underestimate the power that I hold:
And now, my commentary:
0.16: Apparently, Batman’s delivering this monologue via satellite from Brazil.
0.54: Okay, seriously: If you can tell me that this line…
“Our major products last year were smoke bombs and grappling hooks! You’re our only cusomter for grappling hooks! People don’t want grappling hooks, they want iPods!”
…is not the funniest joke about Batman and his corporate holdings ever written, then you are both a fool and a liar.
1.31: Bruce Wayne: International Playa.
1.36: The fact that Bruce Wayne’s would-be girlfriend finishes her line, snaps her phone shut, and then smiles directly into the camera makes me believe in joy again.
2.15: Believe it or not, there was a brief period in 1948 where “the Sinister Cuban” was listed at the forefront of the Dark Knight’s Rogues Gallery, thus confirming the filmmakers’ constant commitment to accuracy. Also, probably the most awesome fight music in the history of cinema.
2.53: Ah, the famous Gotham City skyline, with its towering three-story buildings.
3.05-3.50: BEST. ALFRED. EVER.
4.06: I wanted my commentary to be more than just quoting lines from this video and saying how awesome they were, but c’mon: “I ain’t comin’ back! I’m a lawyer that makes $30,000 a night!”? That is awesome.
5.18: What can I say about this video’s Joker that hasn’t already been said about Australian cult film icon Yahoo Serious?
5.36: These galoshes strike for justice!
7.04: At this point in the film, Batman and Robin inexplicably start speaking directly to the camera and giving updates on their search for the Joker. Why? No idea. Maybe in the movie, Batman and Robin have a popular reality show or something. Man, this thing’s got more layers than Heart of Darkness!
7.46: Walgreens paid an estimated $4.6 million for product placement in this movie. Starbucks? $8.9 million.
8.47: The Joker’s “What did I do to you?!” seems like just normal super-villain whining at first, but now that I think of it, I’m not sure what the Joker did to make Batman come after him. Sometimes you just gotta punch a clown, I guess.
8.56: Once again, Robin is inexplicably homicidal, but judging by his huge grin when Batman takes the gun away, I think he’s glad he didn’t pull the trigger. Also glad: That newspaper salesman from 2 minutes ago.
9.25: Have I mentioned my pure, undying love for this Alfred?
I like how the Batmobile Mk. 1 is cleverly-disguised as a standard 1979 walnut-colored station wagon.
CRIMINAL SCUM!
So Robin and the Joker buy their wall art at the same Pier One I take it?
That just changed my life. Words to live by, “Take care of those bandits…but don’t forget to buy insurance.”
there’s just so much greatness here, between Robin’s “legal briefs”, the Impalamobile, the fact that they didn’t just capture the Joker after Robin dropped him with one karate chop, firing Mr. Rooney…the list goes on and on.
But nothing is better than the Cubans counting out their punches in Spanish.
Why didn’t the poison gas in the whoopie cushion have any effect on Batman whatsoever? Or maybe it did in fact knock him out for a few hours. That would explain why it suddenly goes from day to night in that scene.
7:04 Worst idea for a sequel to Midnight Cowboy ever.
I think you’re ignoring the fact that the Gotham Times has managed to integrate video into their newspaper.
“Go fuck a lemon!”
Oh, this was just priceless. I loved the whoopie cushion, and Robin, sitting there wearing sunglasses as he works on his computer, with the LARGE bottle of scotch in the foreground was a nice touch. And then he jumps up wearing his Robin shorts, and I completely lost whatever modicum of composure that I had left.
Genius. I would MUCH rather see this than read Frank Miller’s version.
These are the greatest films ever made.
For some reason the Cubans emptying Bruce Wayne’s wallet really cracked me up. It’s just…he’s Batman! He doesn’t get his wallet stolen!
‘CUBANS!’
And Im pretty sure at the 5:06 mark, robin was looking at gay porn on his computer.
Apparently Jake Shears takes time to be the Joker from his off days from leading Scissor Sisters.
Where is this filmed?
It looks like another country sometimes.
There are no words for the depression I experienced reading that this was the final installment of the trilogy.
Is there a petition I can sign to have them make a new one of these every month?
“Where is this filmed?
It looks like another country sometimes.”
I think it’s telling that this is never revealed, and there are no credits.
My favorite actors are the pigeons that fly away when the Joker runs at them – exceptional performances, all!
AMAZING.
You know, stuff like this is why the internet was invented. I shut my TV off a while ago, and I don’t miss it a bit, because there’s always these kinds of gems out there.
Let us know when Batman IV: Electric Bugaloo comes out!
The closing scenes were filmed in San Francisco – that’s the Powell St. BART station that Batman and the Joker are fighting in front of – so the rest is presumably somewhere in the Bay Area. Gotta love SF – people in Batman and Robin costumes running around and nobody on the street so much as bats an eye.
I haven’t gotten much sleep in the last couple of days, but I could swear that thing featured Batman getting mugged by Cubans.
Does anyone else recognize the music from the “no one buys grappling hooks” scene? I swear it sounds like it came off the Conan the Barbarian soundtrack.
Jeff: I’m not sure, but I’d assumed that all of the music from these films (with obvious exceptions) was taken from the Batman Begins soundtrack. Can anyone verify this?