Friday Night Fights: Without Honor or Humanity
August 15, 2008 | Posted by Chris Sims And now, we return to the frivolity. Of course, around here, “frivolity” means “grievous head injuries.”
What? That’s the most fun of all! Just ask Bahlactus!
No one kicks asses like girls who wear glasses–so say Larry Hama and Mark Bright in the pages of GI JOE #94!
Categories: Friday Night Fights, GI Joe | 
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So, is the gun full of blanks? Or is the red hair a license to pull a Jean Grey?
Baroness is going off on a motherfucker like that, with a gat that’s pointed at her ass. She better give it up smooth, for there ain’t no tellin’ when Baroness is down for a jack move.
Short version: Baroness shoots Scarlett in the head and puts her in a coma and then Snake Eyes uses the Arashikage Mindset to kill enough people that everything eventually works out okay.
Is there any problem that can’t be solved by ninjas killing everyone?
Probably wouldn’t help a ninja killing problem.
Then again, maybe it would.
Logical fallacy: Ninja killing is never a problem.
To avoid complications
She never kept the same address
In conversation
She spoke just like a baroness
She’s a Killer Queen
Gunpowder, Gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime
Ninja Killing not a problem? Are you mad? Have you ever tried to kill one?
What’s with the baroness’ lips there?
If I recall correctly, Scarlett was shot at an angle, such that the bullet penetrated the skull but did negligible damage to the brain itself.
Victim saved by stormtrooper accuracy syndrome… *sigh*
Why did Baroness hate Scarlett so much? I know why she hated Snake-Eyes. Because she falsely believed him to be responsible for her brother’s death in Vietnam. Up until Destro proved Snake-Eyes innocence. Happily that came after Stormshadow kills some Cobra guys who look like the 3 Stooges…
You know, it’s weird now that I think of it, but I actually know two people who’ve been shot in the head and survived. No ninja killing required, even.
But..but how will I ever know what you thought of Matt Fraction and Beta Ray Bill!?
Should I seek help if this scene only succeeds in making the Baroness more attractive to me?
About 12 inches away with a .45, and you only manage to do negligable damage? Man, somebody needs to go to remedial villian camp.
…and Haerandir? You know *two* people who have been shot in the head? That does it, I getting a restraining order to keep you at least half a continent away from me…
This issue was the only issue of a GI Joe comic that I ever read. I thought they had killed Scarlett, so I was “fuck that shit”, and never picked up another one. And now I find out 20 years later that Scarlett survived and that I hated on the comics for nothing. Woe.
First Last: you really have to ask what Chris Sims thought of a book written by Matt Fraction featuring Thor and Beta Ray Bill fighting Skrulls? Is this your first time at the ISB?
A comic with Beta Ray Bill and Thor fighting Skrulls? By Matt Fraction
Add Rom, Spaceknight, and that might be a perfect comic.
Does this really count as a “fight”? It’s one person shooting another.
a lemur:
ALL of cobra needs to go to a remedial villaining course.
My favorite COBRA plot of all time:
Have Storm Shadow shrink all of cobra on christmas eve (via shrink ray), sneak into the Joes’ HQ, and then INTENTIONALLY WAKE UP ALL THE SLEEPING JOES, AND HAVE A BIG FIREFIGHT IN THE YARD.
WHAT THE HELL, COBRA! JUST KILL THEM IN THEIR SLEEP! YOU WERE IN THE DAMN BASE!
At seven years old, even I knew I was a better terrorist leader than cobra commander.
Hey, have you ever tried to carve your face on the moon with a laser?
If not, then you cxan’t claim superiority.
Do laser pointers count?
I mean, I TRIED, but wasn’t very successful.
Hold up. Cobra Commander, the guy who’s whole schtick is he wears a mask all the time, tried to use a laser to carve his face on the moon?
When he finally took the mask off, didn’t he turn out to be one of the guys from Foghat?
Boy, that explains a lot.
I know it should be a foregone conclusion that Sims will love Matt Fraction writing about Beta Ray Bill but I like to see my sentiments seconded, I am weak willed and easily influenced.
I loved it, naturally, although I will say that my favorite comic this week was Batman. “RIP” is turning out to be the craziest damn Batman story I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen this.
There’s no doubt whatsoever in my mind that Baroness is a lesbian.
Come to think of it, she does resemble a grown-up Marcie from the Charlie Brown comics…
We can only wonder what ever became of Peppermint Patty.
Meganekko? In my Western comics?
One of the things I loved about the art in G.I. JOE – presumably Mark Bright’s art but back then it was just “the art in G.I. JOE” – was the ridiculously oversized muzzle flashes that would engulf half the gun barrel. Or in this case, HER WHOLE FREAKIN’ HAND.
Mark Bright is a saint.