Chris vs. Previews: August 2008, Round One

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We’re getting close to the end of Summer, and as my birthday fades over the horizon, you can all finally stop worrying about what you’re going to buy for me, and go back to thinking about what you’re going to get for yourselves.

Well, until Christmas, anyway.

 

 

And really, what better place is there to spend all that hard-earned scratch on stuff you don’t need than within the Previews catalog? Once again, I’ll be your guide through its five-hundred plus pages, and tonight, we start with the major publishers!

 

 

Dark Horse Comics

 

P. 26 – Hellboy: In the Chapel of Moloch: This is probably the biggest news to come from Dark Horse this month–and it’d definitely be the best if not for the solicit on p. 37–but after three years, I’m crazy excited to see Mike Mignola back to writing and drawing a full-length Hellboy story.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m one of the apparent few that doesn’t mind Mignola’s shift from writer/artist to just plain writer all that much, if for no other reason than it means we get new, totally awesome stories of his BPRD universe at least once a month. A lot of that probably has to do with the fact that there are a lot of really talented folks like Guy Davis and Richard Corben handling the art, but it doesn’t hurt that Mignola–and cowriters like John Arcudi and Joshua Dysart–knows how to put together a darn good story.

That said, Hellboy is and always will be Mike Mignola’s book, and since seeing him do short stories was enough to get me to buy the Dark Horse Books four years in a row, I’m looking forward to it.

 

P. 37 – Harvey Comics Classics v.5: The Harvey Girls: Or as Dr. K and I like to call it, Richie Rich’s Bitches.

 

P. 37 – Proof That We Are Living In The Best Of All Possible Worlds:

 

 

As you read this, the first Herbie Archive should be hitting shelves at finer comic book stores everywhere, and I am not exaggerating one bit when I say that it is without question one of the greatest, funniest and most under-appreciated comic books of all time. I’d hesitate to call it a surrealist masterpiece because that’s awfully pretentious for what’s essentially a silly comic about a fat kid and his magical lollipops, but when even the Wikipedia article reads like something out of a fever dream, you know you’re onto something.

Something like Herbie’s Bee Pants:

 

 

It is truly amazing, and it warms my heart to see that we’re getting another collection.

 

DC Comics

 

P. 71 – Batman Confidential #22: Okay, folks: I like Batman as much as the next guy–or let’s be honest here, way, way more than the next guy–but I think it’s pretty safe to say that I’d be perfectly fine if I never got another “Year One”-era story.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Year One and I fully understand the appeal of doing stories with a younger Batman that hasn’t yet become the super-competent vigilante we all know, and I’ll admit that Matt Wagner’s recent Y1-style books were phenomenally entertaining, but come on. At this point, we’ve had Year One itself, the Wagner books, Long Halloween, Dark Victory, “Year One” mini-series for the Scarecrow, Ra’s al-Ghul and Two Face, and a 179 issues of Legends of the Dark Knight. I think it’s pretty well-covered.

Now if we could just move–hang on, this one’s a Year One Joker story written by Andrew Kriesberg? Andrew Kriesberg who wrote HELEN KILLER?! SERIOUSLY?!

Dude, I am there.

 

P. 74 – Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen Special: To be perfectly honest here, I cannot imagine a scenario in which I would care less about the whole “New Krypton” thing–as much as I love the Silver Age, I’m one of those people who thinks that the Last Son of Krypton actually does work better when he’s the LAST Son of Krypton–but a Jimmy Olsen special by James Robinson, who, having now revived both Atlas and Codename: Assassin, seems dead set on bringing back every single character who ever appeared in First Issue Special? That sounds awesome, if only because it’s one step closer to the inevitable Jimmy Olsen/Green Team crossover featuring the Dingbats of Danger Street.

It’s the comic I was born to write, folks.

 

P. 79 – Manhunter #35: Hang on for a second while I grab the Nerd Hat… Ah, there we go. Okay, so the solicitation for this issue says that “Kate uses the Fed’s own weapons against them.” Now, do they mean that she uses the Feds’ own weapons against them, or is Manhunter going to start fighting crime by adjusting interest rates? Will she finally be ending the Motley Fool’s reign of terror?

 

P. 87 – The Spirit Archives v.26: No joke for this one, I just wanted an excuse to post this cover:

 

 

I get the feeling this Will Eisner kid’s gonna go far in this business.

 

Top Ten Season Two #1: Top Ten is without question one of my favorite comics ever, but when I first heard that DC was bringing it back without Alan Moore, my reaction was… Well, pretty much the same as the last time they brought back Top Ten without Alan Moore: Complete disinterest. I mean, sure, even the most die-hard purist would have to admit that there are in fact good comics that Moore didn’t write, but when it’s something that he created, the old magic just isn’t there.

Of course, that was before I actually sat down, read the solicit, and found out that while Moore wasn’t involved, the original art team of Gene Ha and Zander Cannon was back, with Cannon moved over to scripting duties. And really, that’s a heck of a lot more exciting.

I mean, hell… It worked for Swamp Thing.

 

Image Comics

 

P. 147 – Jack Staff #21: Oh for… Who got Ian Churchill all over my Paul Grist?!

 

 

Okay, okay, to be fair, as weird as it is to see Staff & Co. drawn by someone who isn’t Paul Grist–especially someone about as far from his distinctive style as you can get–Churchill actually does a pretty good job here. Jack himself is a little off, with the lanky form that Grist gives him replaced by a standard Super-Hero physique, but his Alfred Chinard is dead on, and he even resisted the urge to tart up everyone’s favorite Vampire Reporter.

And for the guy who drew Supergirl with an 8:1 midriff to miniskirt area ratio, that’s saying something.

 

Marvel Comics

 

P. 3 – Ender’s Game: First Series #1: Hey, here’s an idea: Fuck you too, Orson Scott Card.

 

P. 8 – Laurell K. Hamilton’s Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter: The Laughing Corpse Book One #1: And moving on to an author that–believe it or not–I have slightly less antipathy for,

 

 

For those of you just joining us, I have something of a history with the Anita Blake comics, to the point where there’s a good chance that Anita’s “pointing a gun at the reader” cover is aimed squarely at me. But rest assured, the ISB Research Department takes its charges very seriously and will not be deterred from its appointed task, no matter how ridiculously long the title of this series gets.

You hear that, Framingham? Don’t sing it. Bring it.

 

P. 17 – Amazing Spider-Man #573: For me, one of the most enjoyable things about the “Brand New Day” Spider-Man stories is an emphasis on bringing in new villains, and it’s nice to see that Dan Slott and John Romita Jr. are keeping that up with this issue, where they debut the latest and greatest threat that the web-slinger’s ever faced:

 

SEÑOR FROWNY PUMPKIN!

 

What is the secret of his terrible power?!

 

P. 44 – Marvel Adventures Super-Heroes #4: As though it wasn’t enough that he was bringing back Devil Dinosaur in the pages of Marvel Adventures Fantastic Four this month–yes: MARVEL ADVENTURES DEVIL DINOSAUR is finally happening–Paul Tobin is also scripting an issue whose solicitation includes this:

When Klaw, the Master of Sound, forms a country and western band,

That’s it. I don’t even have to finish the sentence to know I want to read that comic.

 

P. 46 – Marvel Zombies 3 #1: When I first heard that there was another sequel to Marvel Zombies coming out that wasn’t going to be written by Robert Kirkman, my reaction was pretty much the same as it was when I heard about the new Top Ten: I was willing to write it all off as Marvel wringing the last drop of blood from a decidedly dry stone, and while Kirkman’s own Dead Days and MZ2 strayed from what made the original book so fun for me (which, oddly enough, was preserved in John Layman’s shockingly enjoyable Army of Darkness vs. Marvel Zombies), the change to a new writer seemed like another nail in the proverbial coffin.

Then–and stop me if you’ve heard this one–I saw the solicitation with a cover that’s actually meant to be an homage from noted swipehack Greg Land and found out that the series is being written by Fred “Action Philosophers” Van Lente and would appear to be about a chainsaw-armed Nextwave-era Machine Man fighting zombies in the Nexus of All Realities.

And I’m not gonna lie: that sounds awesome.

 

 

And that wraps it up for the majors. As always, I’ll be back tomorrow to go through the small press and merchandise, which this month features an item inspired by the comics blogger internet! In the meantime, if anything caught your eye in this month’s solicitations, feel free to mention it below.

56 thoughts on “Chris vs. Previews: August 2008, Round One”

  2. Er, posted that from the wrong person. My prom dress, not Lee’s. Lee didn’t have one.

  3. Hey man, if Orson Scott Card is willing to set up an actual orbiting Battle School, then why not join the revolution?

  4. When Klaw, the Master of Sound, forms a country and western band…

    Wait… actually, that works. (I have a lot more respect for C&W since I heard Johnny Cash’s When the Man Comes Around on River, the Wacky Terminator.)

    And it ties in with Dust Devil, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. I guess it’s all part of the World That’s Coming.

  5. Well the new Top 10 book has to be better than Farthest Precinct. Off course thats a REALLY low bar to get over…

    And I think “Laughing Corpse” involves Anita being a bridesmaid, thus the dress. I think. Its been a few years…

    found out that the series is being written by Fred “Action Philosophers” Van Lente and would appear to be about a chainsaw-armed Nextwave-era Machine Man fighting zombies in the Nexus of All Realities.

    Dammit. Now I’m actually to need to BUY one of these Marvel Zombies books. Damn you Van Lente! DAMN YOU!

  6. found out that the series is being written by Fred “Action Philosophers” Van Lente and would appear to be about a chainsaw-armed Nextwave-era Machine Man fighting zombies in the Nexus of All Realities.

    I am going to buy this so hard everyone at the FLCS is going to need protective gear, and probably therapy.

  8. Fred Van Lente is the only man to get me to touch an X-Book in over a decade and now he’s doing zombies?! He might be the most brilliant evil genius in history! I predict his next evil move to subvert bad comics and get fans hopes up will be to write a company wide cross over…

  9. Funny, I was re-reading Modok’s 11 last night and I was wondering who this Van Lente genius was. I’m going to have to buy this stupid zombie series now.

  10. So what do you suppose the difference will be between a zombified and non-zombified MAN-THING?

    X_the_Phantom-Longbox__

  11. I was not aware that “Fuck you too” constituted a reasoned argument for the homosexual lifestyle. How enlightening.

  12. the series is being written by Fred “Action Philosophers” Van Lente and would appear to be about a chainsaw-armed Nextwave-era Machine Man fighting zombies in the Nexus of All Realities.

    I am now freaking out.

  13. Wait a minute…when Lois Lane turns into a half-woman, half-bug it’s “quite possibly the most nauseating story (you’ve) ever read,” but when Herbie the Fat Fury does it, it’s the bestest thing ever?

    I demand consistency from my comics bloggers!

  15. Wait a minute…when Lois Lane turns into a half-woman, half-bug it’s “quite possibly the most nauseating story (you’ve) ever read,” but when Herbie the Fat Fury does it, it’s the bestest thing ever?

    No, no.

    Bee. Pants.

    Completely different.

  16. Card has called for prison for gay people. Card has called for the over-throw of the government if gay marriage is recognized. “Fuck you” seems like a perfectly reasonable response.

  18. Oh, sure, bee pants. It’s just that if I saw that coming toward me, I wouldn’t have time to consider whether those were just pants, and it wouldn’t freak me out any less than Lois Lane, Hawk Moth Maid.

  19. Orson Scott Card has now jumped up the ladder from Douchebag to Stinky Douchebag on Fire. Nothing more entertaining than homophobes who assert that the mere existance of the LGBT population impede their rights by simply existing. I can’t believe that Marvel points to Rawhide Kid as a giant leap in relations with gay readers, yet continually gives OSC work. *slaps forehead* Yeah, “Fuck you, too” pretty much sums up my response, too, Chris.

  20. “chris w.” said:

    I was not aware that “Fuck you too” constituted a reasoned argument for the homosexual lifestyle. How enlightening.

    So are you saying “let’s overthrow a government for letting some dudes marry other dudes if they want to” deserves a reasoned response?

    Who even needs a reasoned argument for a homosexual lifestyle?  Do I ask for a reasoned argument to defend your deeply-seated desire to someday see a real girl naked?

  22. Laurell K. Hamilton’s Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter: The Laughing Corpse Book One? Great horny toads! That’s two full names, a job description, a title, and a tag, plus four punctuation marks (which should be five — there’s a comma missing after “Corpse”).

    That’s good, but we can do better!

    Laurell K. Hamilton’s Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, Distance Runner, and Tax Attorney: The Plunging Necklines of Demonic Blouses, Part Six: The Unfettered Terror of Strips of Beef Jerky Woven into Dancing Ponies and Then Glazed with Evil, Chapter Nine, #3

    There we go.

  23. Overthrowing the government in defense of marriage as it has always existed makes perfect sense. I fully support overthrowing the government so I can get my dowry. Also, in keeping with Card’s religious views, I will have many wives and therefore many dowrys.

    It’s a perfect plan for assholes!

  24. You’ve spoiled me for other Previews mocking out there. I was just at Every Day Is Like Wednesday and was disappointed I got no snarky comment when I let the pointer hover over a picture…

    Oh, and Post Modern Barney has you beat with WWPLD, just so you know…

  25. Thanks for the link, Chris! And may I add: Zander Cannon scripting is exactly what will get me to buy that Top Ten book. Been a fan for a long, long time. Now if only he would finish Replacement God!

    Also, fuck Orson Scott Card, yada yada.

  28. That’s it, Chris! You have failed to insult your trolls quickly enough to satisfy my insane, egocentric, er, ego! Clearly you are a total doody-head!

  29. I’m afraid Karl Kesel already beat you to the Green Team/Dingbats crossover. See: Adventures of Superman #549. There’s some Newsboy Legion in there, too. No Jimmy, though, from what I recall.

  30. “Chris W.” posted at the site you linked to as well. He’s a troll. Ignore.

    You know what bothered me about “Farthest Precinct”? It’s a small detail, but it’s annoying as hell: The Peregrine was still alive. It’s strongly implied in the first series that she has brain cancer–that’s why her head is shaved, it’s the subtext to that whole issue that she spends near the site of a teleportation accident as the people lie dying, and it’s probably why she turned to Jesus. No, it’s never explicitly spelled out, but it’s there. And Paul Di Fillipo seems to have completely missed that, since she’s alive and well in The Farthest Precinct. Maybe there was an explanation for it later, but the point was missed so hard I couldn’t get past the first issue.

  31. I’m afraid Karl Kesel already beat you to the Green Team/Dingbats crossover. See: Adventures of Superman #549. There’s some Newsboy Legion in there, too. No Jimmy, though, from what I recall.

    You’re saying this as though I don’t own that issue.

  32. That’s good, but we can do better!

    I think you’re thinking of the first of my urban fantasty crime noir novels, The Chronicles of Solomon Stone: Book One: Enter: Solomon: Stone Me Deadly.

  33. I actually want to read Marvel Zombies 3 now. Even though I haven’t read the other two. Never saw that coming!

    And Orson Scott Card’s behavior makes me wish I could actually unread Ender’s Game and Speaker for the Dead. I’d try putting a bulk eraser up to my head, but the last time I did that, I forgot 3rd grade.

  34. What with Gail Simone bringing back Beowulf, Stalker and Claw from 1975’s DC Fantasy/Adventure line, and Robinson utilizing Atlas and Code Name: Assassin from FIS, I fully anticipate seeing Kong the Untamed, Sherlock Holmes, and the mysterious young David from Action Comics #450-452 later this year. And they’ll all be arrested by Lady Cop.

  35. Don’t forget that Simone actually did bring back Lady Cop as the Sheriff of Ivy Town.

    I think we can thank Devon Sanders for that one.

  36. Nextwave-era Machine Man and Jocasta fighting zombies with chainsaws? *sigh* It was so easy to stay away from the Marvel Zombies stuff before. All they have to do is put Hellcow in it and you’ve got my ideal comic.

  37. It sounds as if Marvel’s editorial staff sat down and said, “All right. What do we need to do to bring Chris Sims back on the Zombies bandwagon?”

  39. “Orson Scott Card has now jumped up the ladder from Douchebag to Stinky Douchebag on Fire. ”

    I protest. The douchebag is a valued element of modern society which provides good and useful service.

    Flaming ones not so much, but whatever.

    Sadly “stinky Hummer H3 on fire” doesn’t have the same panache.

  40. At one time I would have been so happy for Nextwave Machine Man to star in anything. But after seeing him in Ms. Marbvel recently I am a little apprehensive.

  41. “‘When Klaw, the Master of Sound, forms a country and western band,’

    “That’s it. I don’t even have to finish the sentence to know I want to read that comic.”

    Goofy superbaddies playing both kinds of music seem less a feature than a bug. (And not one in bee pants.)

  42. I haven’t spent money on comics in a long time. After reading this i really want to. Damn you, Chris. And Hellboy. Damn you, Hellboy, and your warm heart and punching first

  44. Sorry, Jon H, douchebags are notoriously useless and tend to promote infection. Myths of their efficacy abound, some going as far as to suggest that they can be used for contraception –but all they’re good for is to provide us with a sex-related but non-misogynist term to insult OSC with (think about it –lots of the meanest sex-related insults come from terms that harsh on women in general or parts of them in particular: to insult someone by comparing him to something harmful to women is real progress on the civility front!)

  45. OSC and his douchebageryness does make me think about that whole `the artist or the art’ question though, I mean Enders Game is a good book, but he’s a nut, nd I dont want none of my money going to him, but then again, it is a good book. Its like how Garry Glitter may be (probably is) a pedophile (spelling? Im not gona search for it) but Rock’n’Roll is till a good song, but playing it at sporting events means he earns royalties which means, well, bad things may happen, so we shouldn’t ply the song at sporting events… but, its a good song! And where do we draw the line? What if someone’s just a bit of dick (Mr. Sims, could you think of some exmples for me?), can we still preciate their art? come into it? There must be another solution…

  46. Good call on Replacement God, Tom. Long been one of my favorites. It’s great to see new Top Ten coming with even more Zander Cannon goodness.

  47. I’ve never read Ender’s Game, but I understand that it’s about a super-smart kid that nobody really understands who is recruited to fight a war against “The Buggers.”

    So.

  49. Strangely enough it’s not that far of a stretch to think that Ender might be gay, his wife in Speaker and Xenocide is a total Beard. Except that he falls for the 18 year old princess of a planet where everyone has some form of OCD to control how smart they all are. Oh yeah and his Computer.

  50. One day, CNN is going to do a story about OSC’s secret addiction to blow and teenage male prostitutes and absolutely no one will be surprised.

    Also: OhmyGoshHELLBOY!

  52. Is it maybe a bridesmaid’s dress? She had a friend (once, before things like ‘friendship’ got thrown aside for the sexxin’) in whose wedding she was a bridesmaid. She went on endlessly about how all her scars showed and people stared. Oh, the horror.
    Also, Chris? Could you maybe explain this? Or mock it richly? Thanks!
    Anita Blake: Monkey Variant
    http://www.marvel.com/catalog/?id=9918

  53. If memory serves, the pink dress is worn when Anita goes to a Halloween party a la Civil War style.

    Oh, thank God. I thought we were going to have an Anita Blake/Firefly crossover.

  54. Just like the Zombie cover, this one kind of misses the whole point of the Ape Variants. At least with the zombies, it was thematically appropriate to see Anita fighting a bunch of zombies, but jeez, now we’re even denied the joy of seeing her as Gorillanita Blake?

    (PS: Gorillanita Blake, Marvel. CALL ME. WE WILL MAKE THIS HAPPEN.)

  56. Quit whining at Marvel; they loooves dem gay homosexuals; see the picture:
    P. 46 – Marvel Zombies 3 #1
    Yes, a dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste, but isn’t that a giant red weewee penetrating that guy’s bottom?
    I leave the further ANALysis of gender roles in the picture to your esteemed brain functions…