Spider-Gram for a J. Jonah Jameson?
If you haven’t already, head over to CRACKED.com and catch my latest effort as a contributing editor to America’s Only Humor Website, where I unearth Sony’s Notes on the First Draft of Spider-Man 3, in my first shot at the great series of articles originated by the hilarious Tim Kochenderfer.
My personal favorite:
P.59 –
While it is true that Kirsten will say anything we care to write down, a scene where Mary Jane turns to the camera and says “I, Kirsten Dunst, legally agree to have sex at least three times with Hollywood actor Ted Raimi†really doesn’t fit with the rest of the plot.
Incidentally, more information about Hollywood Actor Ted Raimi can be found in the pages of–you guessed it–Dark Xena.
Okay, now that the shameless self-promotion’s over, how about I turn the laser-like focus that is the ISB’s readership onto someone else for a change?
You guys like comics, right? I mean, that’s presumably why you’re here, so I think it’s a pretty safe assumption. And assuming you’re like me, you want more good comics, right? Well, right now, you’ve got a chance at getting just that.
My pal “Rad” Chad Bowers–whom longtime ISB readers may remember as the inspiration for my post on Superman and Batman’s Night Together–and artist Jerome Hinds have entered the Dimestore Productions “Small Press Idol” competition, and they’re looking to get some votes for the next round.
Their project’s called Danger Ace, and as Chad says, it’s a pulp action story of secret identities, Ernest Hemingway, and Zombie King Kong, and that’s just where it gets started. Seriously, I’ve known the guy for years, and if you give him half a chance, he will make some comics you want to read.
So give him half a chance, won’t you? All you have to do is hit up their forum, check it out, and if you like what you see, drop a simple reply with the word “YES.” You do have to register before you can vote, but as someone who threw his vote in the ring last night, I can assure you that it’s a pretty painless process.
And if you don’t like it, well, no harm done, and you’ve still got cheap jokes about Venom to fall back on. So get on it!
Wait, you mean the Spider-Man 3 screenplay they used WASN’T their first draft? Could have fooled me.
When Peter started dancing, I stood up and shouted, “WHAT THE HELL?” and was forced to sit down by my wife, who was glowing red with embarrassment — because of the film, not me, of course.
Sad thing is… I knew how bad the film was going in, and I still expected more. Shame on me.
And good luck to your friends, Chris!
I still haven’t seen Spidey 3, but did you guys just see what happened there?
A guy who’s job is to market Anita Blake comics dissed Spider-man 3. I think I’ve officially been scared away from the movie.
P.113 –
Venom is not “covered in dicks.â€
:-D
Thanks for the push, Chris.
And for those of you who follow the link, I apoligize in advance for Dimestore’s site being such a pain to navigate.
BTW, not exactly sure how to take it when you say I was “the inspiration for my post on Superman and Batman’s Night Together.” I mean, I don’t know what you’ve heard but…
From the Notes on the First Draft of Spider-Man 3:
Spider-Man generally travels by web-slinging, not on a motorcycle with a sass-talking monkey in the sidecar
Tee hee.
Of course, they forgot that time when Spidey travelled around in his Spidey-mobile with a hip-talking Johnny Storm in the passenger seat.
Oh and Dimestore’s forum site is currently down whilst they do a vote count or something. So, right now, I can’t indicate my interest. I’ll try later.
For the record, I loved the dance number.
Chad- pwn.
Chris,
When do we get an ISB review of Spider-Man 3?
-Steve
The scene Sean J. Jordan describes was easily the best part of the film. I genuinely enjoyed that bit. It was an odd decision to make ‘evil Peter’ into a ludicrous beatnik, but damn, it was a good one.
I wish that was all they did with the whole ‘Venom’ thing.
Stupid Venom…
If the symbiote was affecting Peter’s personality, then why wasn’t Venom an obnoxious beatnik hipster? That would have saved the movie! Similarly, were Venom “covered in dicks,” that might also have done the trick.
“A guy who’s job is to market Anita Blake comics dissed Spider-man 3. I think I’ve officially been scared away from the movie.”
LOL. Hey, we marketing folks are allowed to have lives and opinions too. ;-)
For what it’s worth, I love what the COMICS division of the big M is doing right now!
It would have been pretty exciting if instead of covering Peter Parker in black slurk, the Venom suit manifested itself as a little black beret positioned at a jaunty angle above his angular hair.
Never mind Spider-Man 3, when are you going to stop teasing us and review Dark Xena?
Can you really “review” perfection handed down by a benevolent God to remind us that He loves us and wants us to be happy?
No. No you cannot.
I remember reading that panel in my Essential Spider-Man, right after I learned how to read.
The symbiote wasn’t a hipster, it amplified natural tendencies in its host, especially aggression. Thus, at his heart, Peter Parker wants to be a jazz musician/hipster that loves the lovely ladies. Don’t we all want that?
Eddie Brock just wanted to have giant teeth and he GOT HIS WISH.
I loved Spider-Man 3 and if I wasn’t already married, I would definitely consider a proposal. As it is, I’m thinking of taking it on as a mistress.
I love how the venom symbiote is essentially just ‘The Mask’.
Hooray for fun!
Darth Princip, stop tearing apart my dreams of a beatnik Venom trying to “kill Parker” in between sipping espresso and quoting Kerouac.
since you like “Batman: defenders of the night” so much, go to youtube and watch “batman and robin: dark betrayals” and “batman:return of the dark knight”!!!!