The One-Sentence Week In Ink: September 3, 2008

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Tony Stark! Makes you feel! That he’s gonna kick you in the face with a jet-boot!

 

 

Yeah, my songwriting could probably use some work, but hey! At least the comics reviews are delivered on time and in an easily digestible format!

That’s right, folks: With the Labor Day delay in comics–unless you’re some kind of Godless Heathen Canadian–time’s short and I only just finished reading through this week’s books myself, so tonight, I’m trying something a little different. After all, while I have been accused of offering “blunt, authoritatively stated” reviews, brevity is the soul of wit, so tonight, I’m going to be summing up my thoughts on this week’s titles in one sentence. Or, you know, two if you count the alt text. Either way, it all adds up to another round of the Internet’s Most Concise Comics Reviews!

Here’s what I bought this week…

 

 

…and away we go!

 

 

Comics

 

Amazing Spider-Man #570: It’s hard to tell since this is a franchise that has given us the Enforcers, the White Rabbit, Golden Oldie and Banjo, but I’m pretty sure that for sheer bat-shit crazines to actual enjoyability ratio, Anti-Venom–the former host of Venom who was infected with Negative Antibodies that gave him the ability to cure cancer with his tentacles–is at least in the top five.

 

Buffy the Vampire Slayer #18: In tonight’s episode of Joss Whedon: Feminist, Willow unleashes a spell of such epic proportions that it can only be completed by getting naked for a stirring round of lesbian sex, which explains why it was taken off the curricula at both Hogwarts and Miss Cackle’s.

 

Fables #75: According to a conversation I had with Matt Sturges at HeroesCon, the story that finishes up in this week’s issue of Fables was actually the planned ending Bill Willingham had for the book that he just decided to go ahead and do without actually ending the darn thing, which sounds crazy but–since this is Fables–ends up working out pretty well.

 

Invincible Iron Man #5: In addition to a healthy dose of Jet-Boot Face-Kicking and Laser-Beam Decapitation, this issue of Invincible Iron Man also boasts… well, it’s got Jet-Boot Facekicking and Laser-Beam Decapitation, and what the hell more do you want from Iron Man than that?

 

Iron Man: Golden Avenger: Hey, aside from the fact that they, you know, want it to sell better, is there any reason this issue of Marvel Adventures Iron Man doesn’t say “Marvel Adventures Iron Man” on the cover?

 

Marvel Apes #1: Hey, if you’ve ever wondered what JLApe would be like if it was a) like ten times better, b) involved a gorilla luchadore (or Gorilluchadoreâ„¢), and c) took a swerve into hardcore gangland style murder at the end, then brother, have I got the comic for you.

 

ISB BEST OF THE WEEK

 

 

Savage Dragon #137: I’ve never been a big Savage Dragon reader–although when I knocked out the first Essential Archive on a slow day at work, I enjoyed the heck out of it–but I jumped on this issue for an appearance by the Amazing Joy Buzzards, and was pleasantly surprised to find what are probably the two greatest panels of the year:

 

 

 

Secret Six #1: Despite the fact that Gail Simone has done me the grievous insult of not following me on Twitter-even though she’s following Kevin and Ken and a bunch of other people that I can only classify as “unsavory louts”–I still tend to enjoy her comics, especially the ones where Deadshot and Cat-Man buy ice cream and beat up skinheads.

 

Street Fighter Remix #0: Only two kicks to the face in the whole damn book, but since a bear does catch a Spinning Piledriver from Zangief, I think we can call it a draw.

 

Trades

 

Impossible Territories: The Unofficial Companion to the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: The Black Dossier: True Fact: While Dr. K is acknowledged in the foreword as a contributor to Jess Nevins’ fascinating annotations, I, who inspired Nevins with my own annotations of the Anita Blake comics*, am totally snubbed.

 

*: This is 100% not true.

 

INVASION!: No, your eyes do not deceive you: The cover to DC’s best crossover now reads “SECRET NO MORE,” and that is genius.

 

 

And that, my friends, is the rather abbreviated week. As always, any one-sentence questions or comments you might have, such as assuring me that I’m not the only person in the world who picked up Al Jaffee’s absolutely fantastic Tall Tales can be left in the comments section below.

Seriously, though: Gorilluchadore. Call me, Marvel.

49 thoughts on “The One-Sentence Week In Ink: September 3, 2008”

  1. Does DC’s subtitling of Invasion mean that Marvel are now going to smack talk on their trades too?

    Secret Invasion – Not Final and Not a Crisis!

  2. So Marvel Apes was actually decent or were you just pitching your own ape themed comic? I’m confused either way

    That Golden Avenger thing is Iron Man Adventures? How am I supposed to tell what’s what without the red box anymore?

    I know you don’t pick up Jonah Hex anymore but I’m gonna recommend at least reading it in store. It’s very pretty and Jonah trips balls for a few pages.

  3. Keeping to the single sentence ‘theme’:- my god Chris, although this Week In Ink has reviews that are only one sentence each, your sentences are so long that they’re pretty much paragraphs whilst containing enough awesomeness (not including ‘Gorilluchadore’ :)) to encompass whole pages of “normal” reviews and that’s pretty impressive, if I do say so myself!

  4. Yeah, like Marvel doesn’t “talk smack” at every Cup O’ Joe panel. Please.

    Also, has anyone seen the comments section on the item about the Dragon cover at the Rama? I had no idea that Newsarama had such a hardcore right-wing readership. Wow.

  5. Oh I know Marvel are pretty bad for the old trash talking too. I’m just imagining a world where Marvel and DC conduct conversations via the cover of trades. Of course it would all ultimately end in ‘Yo Momma’ jokes.

  7. I once wrote a fanfic where Banjo and his brother teamed up with The Guthries to rid Appalachian lands of Nanny and The Orphan Maker. That Conway run on Spectacular actually got me reading comics…great stuff!

  8. Hmm, turns out I still get that little twinge that tells me to always defend Joss Whedon, even though I’ve been reading those Buffy comics and have generally been finding them to be pretty much terrible. Odd, that.

    In other news: I totally read that as “Iron Man: Golden Retriver”.

  9. Also, has anyone seen the comments section on the item about the Dragon cover at the Rama? I had no idea that Newsarama had such a hardcore right-wing readership.

    I’ve been pointing out to people that nerds, by and large, swing heavily to the right on politics for year and no one ever seems to believe me until they discover it themselves.

  10. SIGH – Fables wasn’t on the Previews shipping list, so I didn’t go into the store this week. Now I’m out of town and have to wait until next week to read the big issue.

    Thanks for ruining my life Internets.

    :P

  15. Wow. Savage Dragon endorsing a political candidate. Kinda makes you wish it was the ’90s or something, when an Image character actually mattered.

  16. So we do we get the issue where Dawn turns into a gelatinous cube?

    Also, I was browsing through the fifty cent bin at one of my local comic book stores and I found an issue a ROM. I immediately thought of the ISB.

    Then I bought it. Seriously, it’s ROM.

  18. I feel like Larsen’s just doing all this Obama stuff in a half-assed attempt to get himself a blurb on CNN or something.

  22. So Marvel Apes was actually decent or were you just pitching your own ape themed comic?

    Like I said, it’s about ten times better than JLApe. Which, admittedly, is a pretty low bar, but I got a kick out of it.

    So would that LOEG Companion make a good gift?

    Depends. I think that unlike the annotations for the other two volumes–which I also own in the form of Heroes and Monsters and A Blazing World–the ones for Black Dossier are almost absolutely necessary to enjoy the source material. There’s just so much that’s being tossed out, especially in the Orlando section, and to be honest, there’s a lot of it that I’d just rather get the skinny from Jess Nevins on without dealing with Moore’s faux-beatnik section.

    I do think they’re remarkably well-written and researched, and find them absolutely fascinating. I lost a half hour between reviews last night because I made the mistake of opening the book and starting, and once I got to bed, I was caught up in it for about an hour, even though there is–and I’m completely serious–a bit that reads:

    The Battle of Marathon (490 B.C.E.) was a major victory for the Smurfs over the forces of Gargamel, and prevented him from conquering Oz and Wonderland

    I think Nevins might’ve put it in there to see if anyone was actually paying attention.

    But yeah, depending on your target’s love of minutiae and the League, I’d say it’s well worth it.

  25. We have Labour Day in Canada too! We just spell it with a “u.” And we don’t let it interrupt the flow of comics. Because there really isn’t much else to do up here.

  27. There was a great bit in Dr. McNinja this week about James who invented jet boots…and used them to kick people in the face. it’s right up your alley.

  29. How I missed the spinning pile driver to the bear while flipping through Street Fighter Remix, I have no idea. If there were more bears for Zangief to piledrive in the games, perhaps I wouldn’t find him so useless. Perhaps.

  30. Wait-

    I agree with the left leaning thing among my geek folks as well… but I also have a big 40k Space Marine army… should I lib it up a bit? A little known chapter called… I don’t know… The Diversity Angels? Fists You Can Believe In?

  31. Someone, somewhere is basing their vote on the endorsment of Savage Dragon. This fact either makes us the greatest country in the world or the worst.

  32. The important thing is that Dragon has finally given up on pushing Nader on every occassion. And yeah, nerds in large groups tend to lean pretty conservative politically. I blame Ditko…

  33. The Amazon page for “Invasion” that can be gotten to by clicking on the words “DC’s best crossover …?”

    It lists the second author as “Bill Mantalo.”

    That shit just ain’t right.

  34. Where the hell have all these conservative nerds been all my life? All the nerds I know are somewhere on the political spectrum between Ambush Bug (registered Democrat, dontchaknow) and Green Arrow.

  35. I too can attest to standing in the be-speckled presence of many a conserve-a-nerd with an over-ripened sense of appreciation for Warhammer. I never touched the noxious little warriors myself, possibly because the concept an Emperor of Mankind runs contrary to my own Libertarian views and appreciation for the autonomy of the individual.

  36. To be fair he’s really just a corpse in a tub who controls a star bridge or something. He might be Shockwave actually.

  39. the concept an Emperor of Mankind runs contrary to my own Libertarian views and appreciation for the autonomy of the individual.

    Which I always found to be the point of the setting. It’s a, pardon me, grim, dark future where there is only war, and every goddamn side’s an asshole. Which appeals to the cynical side of my left-leaning humanism.

    But conservative nerd-dom: I blame Heinlen, myself. Frickin’ Starship Troopers.

    So we do we get the issue where Dawn turns into a gelatinous cube?

    Don’t you mean… a gelatinous boob?

    …don’t look at me like that. That has to be someones fetish, somewhere. This is the Internet, after all.

  40. Last night I felt a bit deprived when I picked up my copy of Invasion and realized it doesn’t include any of the crossover issues, just the mini — but then I realized I can probably get a lot of the tie-ins in the quarter and dollar bins if I really want them (did I mention that I got something like 15 ROMs from the dollar bins today?) and I felt better, so I read Secret Six and I was quite enthused because I missed Gail since she left the All-New Atom, even though I could be reading the other books she’s writing, but then I read Marvel Apes and found the ending to really unsettling, until I thought about it and and realized in retrospect it was quite good (kind of like Quills); then this morning I read Challenger Deep #1 because I try to pick up at least one issue of most non-Warhammer Boom! books, and I felt it was good but lacking in content, so I came here and posted this really poorly written one-sentence comment to show just how well you’ve done it by demonstrating how badly it could be done.

  42. The comic nerds I know personally are geneerally lefties- but then again so are most of my non-comic-cook-nerd friends as well- but ive `met’ at least as many if not more rightwingers online; which originally surprised me, but then I thought about it somemore. Tat powerful beings who do what they want to do in the name of what they believe in appeals to `both sides’ kinda makes sense. Unfortunately.

  43. “If you’re listening to a rock star in order to get your information on who to vote for, you’re a bigger moron than they are.”

    Alice Cooper, July 5, 2005

    Ditto for comic characters

    If you want to vote for Obama and you have read what he wants to do, listened to what he says and trust in the fact that the man has no executive experience and will learn quickly on the job without a teleprompter, then go ahead.

    If you are doing it because you do not want to be accused of being racist, suffer from generalized white liberal guilt or simply agree that the Chicago dead vote have the right idea – stop and think

    But then again, I am a conservative so I must be evil. Or stupid. Or in the pay of Big Oil (I wish!)

  44. Anyone planning on voting for McCain/Palin is suffering from a pretty severe reality disconnect; them believing that the Savage Dragon is real and being offended by a fictional character offering a political endorsement is pretty much right in line, innit?

    McCain is older than dirt and has flip-flopped on every single issue he’s been confronted with multiple times — remember when he was against the Iraq war, opposed GW Bush on strong principles, and was the voice of sanity in the Republican party, earning the ire of Coulter and Limbaugh et al? Now he’s Bush Jr.

    And Palin, who was the mayor of a town smaller than my high school for four years, fired the cops and tried to sack the librarian, and ran it $22 million into the ground. And the right thinks she’s the one with “executive experience.”

    Strange times in America. The disconnect between reality and the weird “we’re under siege by abortionists and scary brown people!” paranoia has never been so stark, and the rhetoric has never been so hateful.

    I encourage everyone to visit factcheck.org, which is a refreshing breath of fresh, honest air that punctures the spin from both sides alike. Mind you, as Stephen Colbert said, “reality has a liberal bias,” so some folks may wish to abstain and keep reading the e-mail forwards about Obama being a secret commie Muslim terrorist.

  47. One last time for the fun readers of the ISB: Obama looks like an older Webster
    Biden looks like sportscaster Bob Eucker
    McCain looks like chipmunk with its cheecks stuffed. And Palin looks Gidget grown up but milfier.

  48. *Adds “Gidget” to the list of people Sarah Palin apparently looks like.*

    I’ve been of the opinion actually that the majority of comic fans were liberal, judging on either Newsarama comments or just general talk in my LCS, but I might be wrong. In either event, Savage Dragon’s endorsement of a candidate makes very little difference to me and I would imagine the comic-reading public in general. Really it feels like one of those celebrity books from the 90s.

  49. Tony Stark
    Make you feel
    Like a stupid dork
    With his heel

    And Iron Man
    His jets ablaze
    He’ll lift his leg
    And kick your face!