As I mentioned last night, I thought it might be a good idea to liveblog the latest issue of the inimitable Tarot, Witch of the Black Rose on Twitter as I read it, mostly because I love to find new and exciting ways to put off writing my posts.
In any case, people seemed to like it, so for those of you who missed out last night, I thought I’d go ahead and post an expanded version of it here. So please, join me tonight for Tarot #56: The Liveblogging Experience:
Page 0: Okay, here we go with TAROT #56. I got the cover where she wasn’t shyly covering her rack, ’cause it’s more empowering that way.
Page 1: Tarot wakes up and immediately starts masturbating. Meanwhile, a spider with a skull on it alights onto her breast. Seriously.
Page 2: Well, that’s a handy recap, for those of you who were finding the plot of Tarot to be a little too confusing.
Page 3: Behold! PLANET SLAYER!
Man, this comic is not very well lettered. (Sorry, Holly)
Page 4: Tarot talks about how she hopes the sun (you know, the one in the sky?) likes seeing her naked.
Page 5: That is one close-up shot of a vagina you’ve drawn there, Jimbo.
Page 6: “Though the world may ridicule women for the the size of our breasts, I will remember it is only a reflection of their immaturity and lack of education.” TouchÃ©, Tarot. TouchÃ©.
Page 8: Tarot has been taking a bath for five pages.
Page 10: “I guess that fairy doesn’t know the reputation Pooka has with chasing them. She’s messing with the wrong goblin cat.” Or, to put it another way…
Page 11: I’m not sure that one plays a pan-flute by just shoving one entire end in one’s mouth, but then again, it ain’t my comic.
Page 13: And thus, Tarot is bewitched by Pan to perform a striptease against her will. Remember that time that PREVIEWS said this was the most female-empowering book on the stands? Good times.
Page 14: That’s a hell of a description of an erection you’ve written there, Jimbo.
Page 16: Oh no wait, here’s the empowering part: “BACK OFF OR I WILL FRY YOUR HIDE!” “AHHHH, IT STINGS!” “GOOD! IT’S SUPPOSED TO!” And yes, that is actual, award-winning dialogue from what these guys have determined is the best independent comic book of 2008.
Page 18: And it is at this point that this issue of Tarot has officially become The Legend of Zelda With Tits.
Page 22: Gasp! Tarot’s cat has been stabbed by fairies! WITH POISON! This is the cliffhanger.
Page 23: And here’s a two-page article on “Tonya’s Kayos Magick,” with a bunch of pictures of a naked girl that I assume is Tonya. Oh hey, it’s about Sigil Working! You too can increase sales on The Invisibles with these handy steps!
And mercifully, that was the end.